Saturday, August 30, 2008

Ah ber is feeling down

I think the current working people have lots of stress. Besides being stressed by work, they get stressed when they do not have enought time with their loved ones, they neglect the kids due to work, they work and yet do not earn enough.

To me, work life kills all joy. It killed my joy in having evenings when I see the sun set. Everyday before the sun rises here I wake up to darkness. While on my way to work, it slowly rises to light the day. I can see the skies from my window just beside me in the office, but how often do I actually look at the sky?

I leave the office often without the chance to see the sun setting. I leave the office in darkness as the sun has long gone down and the creepy night comes along. It seemed that I married my job rather than Kenji.

Juggling work is not easy. But after work I need to do housework, I need to wash the clothes, I need to sweep and mop the floor and wash the toilets and kitchen and other things. I need to tend to the kids too - clean them, feed them.

Then I can have some time with the TV watching shows for about 1 hour before I cave in to exhaustion at 12plus everyday. The whole cycle repeats itself everyday from mon to fri and I am lack of sleep, I am starting to feel the stress and I am frustrated with my life.

Besides this, I have sooooooo many bills to pay that I am on the verge of screaming. Wat in the hell am I working so hard for? To pay bills?

From a simple life, I have to re-focus on being sales-driven and fight hard for my commission. I have to find the energy that was used to be in me years back. I wonder where it went.

I sat down today and went thru all my unhappiness. And I realised a few things - could be I am not contented and wanted more and that is why I am unhappy. Could be I am not feeling appreciated, feeling taken for granted for by lots of people including JUNIOR and TERROR. I love my kids, I love my hubby, I love my friends, I love my family.

I think I just needed simple things like a smile, a hug to cheer me up. I also need retail therapy. I need time alone to touch base with myself. I refuse to think that age is catching up with me and I needed change. I am still me, maybe slightly older, but still useful and workable and the old me is still here. I think i just needed to take things easy as certain things are not easy to change as it is.

M&M here I come. Coke here I come.

I think I need a list of my favourites and whenever I feel down I will pull out the list and pick my choice. Heehee.....

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Going to tioman!!!

I am soooooo looking forward to this weekend and next weekend.

This weekend I am going to re-do my outward bound together with the Team Fat Tigers. 2 weeks ago we went to try the outbound course but i only did the 1st course as it was threatening to rain and we had to stop.

Really really hope that this sun it will not rain and not too sunny as well.

So excited wan to do the climbing of tree and swinging and flying fox across the resevoir. Yeah!!!

Next weekend is going to be FANTASTIC too. I am finally going to some place that I have been yearning to go for the last 7 years. Last time I wanted sooooooo badly to go to tioman but no one wanted to go with me or no time to go. But next weekend I am going to go tioman!!!! YEAH!!!!

And I am going with my crazy part of the family Mummy Rina, D, Jakes, Michelle, Jared, Damon and Ryan. So we surely gonna have crazy fun over the weekend!!!! Going fishing, going snorkelling, going to try diving, going to trek to find the waterfall, going shopping, going island hoppping, going picnic, going suntan to get back my nice nice inner chocolate colour......

So i am actually in holiday mood already.

So exciting lor!!!!

Junior's 3rd birthday

Celebrated my baby boy Junior's birthday yesterday. Oops. he is no longer a baby!! He is already 3 years in dog years and 21 years in human years.

Brought Deedee, toto and rusty to celebrate his birthday but his darling brandy and coco didnt come cos their mummy couldn't get a cab that is willing to pick the dogs. Terror for the 1st time saw so many dogs coming into her territory that she started howling and barking like mad cos she felt threatened.

And luckily rusty didnt kill terror or junior. Hahahahahaa.....

Sunday I brought the kids to the championship show. Next year I would like to enrol junior for the purebreed championship event cos he is like a royalty - tat is provided junior you dun grow above 3kg and look fat and ugly! ahahahahaha.

Terror brought on lots of squeals "she's so CCCCCCuuuuuutttttteeeee!!!!" "She's sooooooo Smmmmmmmallllllll!!!!!!" Hahahahahaha. So proud mummy ah ber. Terror's actually very pretty and sweet and if you look at her in the sunshine you can see her face and eyes and nose and mouth properly. If you look at her in the dark you might have problems seeing her la....

I love my boy and girl!!!!

"Xiao Ren"

Today wasn't a very good and smooth day for me.

Well. Life's like tat. Think as long as you do try your best and live health and proper, its the best you can get. Just try my best.

A fortune teller used to tell me that in my life, there will be "xiao ren" meaning there will be people in my life who will irritate the hell out of me and harm me. Last time, I refused to believe it as the only time i was upset was with friendship and I tot my friends were my "xiao ren".

Now I know that the people around me, the people who LOVE me, are not my "xiao ren". How can they be "xiao ren" when they love me and care for me? I realise now that the "xiao ren" that was supposed to be in my life, appeared in my career. Not my colleagues and boss, but the clients and candidates that come through me.

I am not racist but I curse that indian bitch who goes behind my back and stab a few knives in my back. No wonder you are fat and ugly and have a long tongue that you cannot keep inside your mouth properly. She's the fattest bitch I ever seen. I seriously think she is 150KG. And if it was 10 years back, ah ber would have boiled you in bleach and turn you white colour. And God forgive me for cursing you cos you are one of his own and you behave like the devil.

Some people wan to have certain level of authority in their lives and wan to have certain say in their work. Fuck off la. You dun control me and I dun owe you.

This indian bitch tries to poach all my girls who are at the client's place and keep asking if they like to be handled by agency or by her. Who wan to be handled by you as your management skills SUCKS big time. And dun need to try ways and means to get to me and try to save your big fat ass from trouble cos I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE behind my back.

When people stick to you, you know its because they are loyal and they like you because you are true to them. Since that doesn't happen - go reflect on yourself why people dun like you. Even if people PRETEND to like you is because you are the SUPERVISOR, not because they would like to forge a friendship with you.

I am trying not to step on your tail cos you are half the client (cos you dun make the big decisions). So dun step on my tail cos if you do, you are in deep shit. I dun retaliate doesnt mean I am a coward.

It just means tat I cannot be bothered to kick your fat ass cos I am lazy.

Tomorrow will be another fine day for me I hope. Stay away. Stay Far Away bitch.