Sunday, November 30, 2008

Life is great!

Tomorrow will be the 1st day of December. Wow. So fast the year is coming to the last month and coming to an end.

Reflecting on wat I have done for the year. Hmmmm....

Pretty satisfied with my progress in terms of career, in terms of being a housewife, in terms of being a wife, in terms of being a mum, in terms of being myself. Of cos certain areas didnt do well, but on the whole, I felt that at least I have laughed, i have smiled and I have been happy before today.... So on the whole I am quite satisfied.

Of cos there is still room to improve some where. Like I could be a better wife, I could be a better housewife and maybe in terms of personal enhancement - wanted to go study more. I think there are so many places where I can still improve. But no one's perfect.

When i think of the tutorials, the lectures, the nite classes, the tests, the EXAMS.... well I am scared I cannot cope. But its ok if I cannot cope. Cos I dun need to have more certificates under my name to be ME.

I remember my 1st failure. I was in primary 3 when I failed my maths. I think I got 40+ only. My mum's reaction was like???!!!! My reaction was like - well, fail then fail lor. Wat's the big deal? Failing doesn't stop me from doing anything wat. I am still me. :)

Sometimes in life we do fail here and there. Sometimes things are not up to us. We have tried our best but still dun get wat we wan. Its ok. At least I tried. :) And I know that the next time I do the same thing again, I will do better cos I know more now. :)

The world still holds many wonderful things like living creatures, like people who love me and the people I love. Sometimes I get sooooooo stressed by work, by housework and stressed by myself (cos my standard high ma)....... I stop to breathe. I stop to look around me. I stop to remember the beautiful memories I had in my mind. And I can see hope, I can see Love, I can see happiness because I have people I love around me and there are people who love me around me!!!! I have friends, I have family, I have Junior and Terror and most importantly..... I HAVE MYSELF!!!!

It feels kinda cool to be able to entertain yourself. Like playing dota, like playing The SIMS, like playing mahjong, like playing Play station and shhhhhhhh sometimes I play with kenji's PSP too. Heehee.

And of cos caring for others makes me feel good too. When my best friend is happy I am happy too. When my godsons are happy, I am happy too. When my family is happy, I am happy too!!!!!

Everyday I will enjoy myself, because life itself is a journey that needs to be appreciated. All the sweet, sour, bitter and pain are part of the journey itself. If we dun taste the bitter, how would we know the sweet? If we compare, I take something bland I cannot taste the sweetness. If I take something bitter, than take the sweet immediately I can taste the sweetness and forget the bitter rite?

When I feel down (of cos everyone feels down in life sometimes), I will look into the mirror and tell myself that I am great!!! Cos i cannot give up on myself. i have to take care of myself, or else how to take care of others rite? I LOVE MYSELF!!! And of cos I love others too!!!!! *Muacks*

I had a fall in life recently. I was so stressed bout work that my shoulders were soooo tight. I cringed everytime I had to go to work. I didnt want to go back to office to face my boss cos I am so scared she will scream and scold me. That sickening feeling of fear, of feeling down literally stayed inside me for quite a while.

But when i faced it, it didnt look so scary lor. When I faced it, I told myself that its ok. Even if I failed, at least I tried and no one will blame me. Even if someone blame me, just let them say whatever they wan. I dun care! Cos I tried my best!!!! Doesn't mean I fail, I have lost. In fact, I have won cos I am able to look at failure in its face. So now everyday I tell myself to look at it in the face. How bad can it get? The most fail only. Wun affect anything else. Everyone still loves me! :)

So tomorrow even though I need to report to work at 7.30am and work till maybe 9pm..... its ok.... But I need to be a better wife though.... the current wife always come home after 9pm due to work..... need to improve my productivity and come home earlier to accompany Mr Lim hor? Hahahaha. :) Love you all!!!!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Yesterday once more

I am stressed. I need 300 headcounts for promoters. Yesterday I conducted 40 interviews. Today I conducted 30 interviews. I didnt have time to breathe, I didnt have time to think, I didnt have time at all.

And till now 1.30am, my brain cells are still working. Was it the coffee? Was it cos my brain was working too hard in the day?

And it is in the dark of the night, the quiet wee hours of the morning..... when I let myself relax and fall back into my memories.

Lots of time people say dun look back, dun think of the past, move on. How easy to say so. But how many people actually are able to do so? Parts and bits linger around and pounce on you when you least expect it. :)

The key to it is to really look thru it. Yes I agree that certain friendships, certain people in my life have left footprints in my life. And I do walk down memory lane hoping to immerse myself in the familiar feelings, the familiar scenes, the familiar smile, the familiar laughter, just the familiarity I missed so much.

And yes, I do not allow myself to linger. Because it was the past. And isn't it good enough that the memories are there? People say they regret not having able to continue further memories with this person they love. But I believe, the past memories were good, and the future memories may not be better. I believe, if someone is happy, let them go. Even if it hurts you, you are the only one hurting. At least they are happy. Isn't that good enough?

I am that kind of person where I can create laughter and act like a clown just to make people laugh. But I can also be the shoulder to cry on. MOst of the time I get too involved. But I am growing up and my brain is also more or less matured already (a nice way to put it as OLD). Therefore I think I am becoming like some oldies where they cannot be bothered. :)

I used to think life is good and God is kind and everything's under control. That was when I had everything I tot I had. Now the present me, thinks that life is great!! And God is really kind and NOT everything is under control. :)

Last week saturday Rina was in hospital. I hate hospitals but I hate the tot of being alone in a hospital more. Luckily she is fine now. I had a tot of wat if something happened to her. Wat will I do without her. Made me realise she is really very important in my life.

It is not easy to have someone who cares for you and loves you for who you are. Therefore I treasure all the sincere people around me who cares and loves me. It really makes my day when I have someone i can talk to at the end of the day or anytime of the day when i have problems.

:) I love you bug head Queen Mimi Cow mummy. From your bug no.7 Queen Lala Monkey Bull.

Seriously I am stressed. I can feel the strain of it on my shoulders and back. My shoulders are so tight. I need a massage. And the place I tot of was JB - the massage palour opposite Taman Gardens. I haven't tried that so I dunno if it is good but I shall ask my partner tmr cos she went JB today.

I am soooooo looking forward to the long weekend coming soon. I know I am not going anywhere far but I am planning...... :) I am going to get a new wardrobe of clothes by end of the year!!!

But 1st, I need a dentist cos my tooth is killing me.......

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Bored post

Ah ha.... this time the PMS mood didnt last long. But the irritating feeling is here COS everytime I want to do my laundry and sun them, the sun disappears and the black rain clouds come. So frustrating. I have been trying to do my laundry for the whole week and to no avail.

Well. I think its time to get a washing machine with an in-built dryer. The hot dryer one... yeah!

Counting down my days to december!!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Master

Lost in time again. Pondering on certain things in my life. Walking down memory lane.

I used to think that some people put a curse on me. Last sat I went to see a master cos my work was really really not smooth. Smallest issues escalated into BIG issues. Clients with no issues became MAJOR issues.

So went to consult this master. There was no curse, except 2 things that were following me. An old woman and a little boy. Maybe I picked them up at tat big green field with a big tree and a swing.

And I sat on that swing. And I even took photos on that swing.

But in a matter of 15 mins, they went away after the ritual - a ritual that cost a bomb and left me with only $36.82 in my bank account. Hahahhaaha........but of cos I still had cash on me la.

I dun know the old woman cos the description does not sound like my late grandma whom I loved alot. But I think I know the little boy. The little boy that was supposed to be so close to me. Well it happened years back and I dun wan to talk about it.

Anyway, bye to the both of them. Ber is in PMS mood cos "you know who" is here. I'm having backaches and cramps and that sickening, irritating, frustrating feeling inside me. Wish I can kill terror cos she is eating up EVERYTHING.....

Crap

Went to Pulau Ubin on sunday with my aunt and her friends and the 2 weasels. Aunt was quite surprised that I brought Terror along cos she asked me not to bring her, just bring Junior. How can? Terror is also my kid you know.

Was really tired when I came back. Felt slight twinge of PMS cos "you know who" was due. Had cramps on sunday nite even though "you know who" was not here yet. Was on MC on Monday. Guess when you work really hard for long periods you will get sick easily.

Woke up feeling so deprived of sleep that I didnt want to wake up at all. Then certain things just work their way thru phone calls and sms and I was on MC :) God doesn't make decisions for you. He lets you choose. :)

Tuesday went back to work till Wednesday where I still have 1 big pile of work on my table still unsolved and unsettled and complains are coming in and there are things I cannot make decisions on and HOW? TELL ME HOW?

Certain things pondering in my mind. Fed up with certain things. Like "Do people have the right to take others for granted when people have the right not to be taken granted for".

Crap. This is 1 word tat summarizes everything. Haha.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Speaking the same language

This blog post is dedicated to certain people around me who have been taking me for granted, ignoring my feelings when they lie, ignoring my feelings when they start to show their temper by banging and throwing things, scolding me, saying and doing stupid things without any consideration to my feelings. Seriously I feel I'm so taken for granted.

I do things with good intentions but I get accused of many things. And I get shouted at, I get banging of things, I get throwing of things, I get fingers pointing at me, I get criticized, I get the blame, Everyone is rite except me.

I dun understand why people raise their voices, throw things, bang things, behave like a crazy person, do and say stupid things, lie, think everyone owe them something, think they are rite, assume and accuse.

And yes of cos I get pissed off and if the intention was to piss me off, you have succeeded and you have also succeeded in making me like you LESS. And I am very adaptable. I will learn to speak the same language and in future we can communicate better by banging and throwing things to show our temper, do and say stupid things, we can lie and take each other for granted. Well. that will be the perfect way to speak the same language rite?

Whatever people can do, I can also do them and I can do even more. So dun force me. My taurus horns have been forced out over the past few days and I am certainly capable of many things.

I realised I have invested so much of my time for my kids, for their dad, for the house and I dun have time for myself. This will change. Cos I will change my priorities and I will not hesitate to have time for myself and I will not give a damn to people who are not worth my attention. These people think they have the rite to do and say things they like, well this is going to change cos I am going to be very straight forward and be very diplomatic and set up my boundaries very carefully. any invasion within my boundaries, I will not hesitate to take action against the invader.

And a note to the people who have stepped on my monkey tail. If there are things I have done wrong, I will reflect on it myself. But certain attitudes, certain words, certain behaviour from people who behave unreasonably, or behave in stupid ways I cannot accept and will not hesitate to remove them from my life.

And if you are still so stubborn thinking you are rite, then you can leave my life if I am not important to you. But there are certain things that are definately unacceptable. Of cos I will not hesitate to leave if unreasonable or unacceptable expectations are required of me, like my job and leaving people around me who dun know how to appreciate me. So if you still treasure me you better know wat to do - either you stay away totally and disappear or you decide on wat you need to do.

BBQ with Junior & Terror

Yesterday brought Terror and Junior to Seletaris condo where my colleague invited us to gather for a BBQ. Almost wanted to BBQ both of them cos they were making lots of noise. But they were sort of centre of attention cos they were bigger that rats but smaller than cats.

There was another dog which belonged to my boss - Tammy. He was really good boy. He didnt bark, he didnt pee anywhere else except grass, he just sat there and wag his tail when people sayang him. And he was very handsome with his long fine fur and smile. He is a shihtzu. Junior got very jealous of Tammy when i carried him and whenever Tammy comes near and gets attention from other people, Junior will bark at Tammy.

I think inside Junior's dictionary doesnt have this word "Fear" and "scared". Cos he dunno how to be scared and he dunno how to fear. He kept barking at the big dogs walking by and he influenced terror to bark and growl at them too.

The kids shared my hotdogs and chicken wings and we went at 7pm and came back almost 11plus. Very tired all of us.... Junior even had a nightmare that he kept making noises in the morning.

Later we going out again Wat shall we do today??? :)

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Wee hours KTV

Yesterday night went karaoke alone from 2am to 6am at Partyworld. Yeah... alone. The feeling is great cos you get to have the whole bloody room to yourself and you can scream and shout and go off-key and dun need to bother about people minding or not. Went for Karaoke marathon, started the KTV by scrolling from A to Z on the female singers. But 4 hours not enough cos I havent even finished the female singers songs yet, so randomly selected the best hits for the guys.

Wanted to do a Sammi marathon - 20 songs. But by the time I reached there my throat was sore. So sang the normal songs. Think the golden hits were the best cos they were classic oldies....

Had 2 drinks to myself, the whole room to myself, the whole tv to myself, the whole environment to myself, the whole remote to myself, the whole MIC to myself!!!!! YEAH.

Then after KTV went to bradel cos needed to attend Damon's graduation this morning. Damon was really cool cos he can dance!!! Heehee....

Will upload the pics later cos I wan to go sleep now. Good nite. Lucky thing my classes cancelled due to the rain....
I fEeL sO aLoNe. iTs JuSt Me cOmFoRtInG mYsElF, jUs Me aLL AlOnE. Jus me all alone. The emptiness inside me.......