The past week has been a roller coaster for me.
And this weekend is a nightmare for me.
I'm angry and pissed over somethings that I heard that I shouldn't have heard because it really upset me. All over a project that I have really worked hard at. I have heard nasty things and I feel really upset over these people's doings and the things they have said. May God punish these people for the things they have said and May God punish me for things that I might have said too.
I dunno who to talk to regarding these things. I tried telling people around me that I am really stressed at work. But no one understands. Everyone is asking me "Are you sure?" "Think Carefully." "Dun make a wrong decision". And 1 idiot was even telling me I was a job hopper. Do I fucking look like a job hopper to you? I'm in this bloody job for coming 8 months and I am NO job hopper idiot!!! Some people around me just kept quiet. Although I appreciate that you leave me to make my own decisions but at least show me some sympathy can or not? At least acknowledge that I AM TALKING TO YOU.
I am stressed cos I'm totally new to this industry and I dun have much knowledge and proper guidiance. I was almost on my own when I entered this industry, away from the office in some cold and far away place. Not all people have been kind to me, but of cos there are a few that are really nice to me. Of cos I survived cos I am a survivor. But doesn't mean I should stick to this place when I am so stressed and upset.
Yes I love the job but I dun like the work - Hahahahaha.
No one can offer me solutions because they are not capable of doing so.
i am thinking of throwing in the towel, but I have made some friends along the way and I would still like to work with them and be friends. And the stubborn taurus is finally coming out - I am going to try and try and try and try and never say die till the end. We'll see who has the last laugh - I bet I'll have it (cos if you win, I jus laugh at my own stupidness Hahahahaha).
You know when you are depressed, certain previous memories and certains roads you have travelled, certain people you have came across, will come into your mind. I realise that the mind is a very dangerous yet wonderful thing.
It can capture all the beautiful memories, the worst pains remembered when your heart broke - really wonderful. And when I am down and out, I remember these things, these times, these people. Goes to show how deep I either love or hate these things, these times, these people. So I told myself to keep the bad memories out so that I will not be depressed further. And I am indeed feeling better.
I guess I cannot control wat people say, do or think. As long as I control wat I do, say or think, I will be fine. Dont need to be too bothered by people who wan to hurt me. Cos there are many people waiting to love me. Junior is one of them who is now sitting down by my side and looking at me with lots of concern in his eyes. Daddy is sleeping but Junior doesn't wan to sleep cos he senses that mummy is not feeling too good. Where can I find another simple, innocent happiness like this? Where else can I find someone better than Junior who only knows how to love me and not hurt me or not love me? Junior always love me no matter wat. Same there as God. I know.
So God, please send me a miracle. Thank you.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
PMS
"The higher your expectations, the more you get disappointed".
Humans are all the same. We all expect more even when we have the basics - we can never be contented. When we see other people having the same things, we still think that theirs is better. Comparing will never end and the greed compelling you to compare and want more, will only drive you crazy.
For the past 2 weeks, I am down with PMS + depression due to work. Feel that I simply do not want to wake up to go to work. Feel that simply not enough time to finish my work. Feel that I cannot breathe when I wake up.
I get depressed thinking its sunday because the next day I have to work. I get blue thinking that its friday cos monday is around the corner. I didnt know that recruitment has sooooooo much paperwork and data entry to be done. i also didnt know that I have to make sooooooo many calls and incur so much expenses in my enthusiasm to perform better.
I look at my house and the mess (not really a big mess) and I get stressed cos I simply am too depressed to do housework.
Then Rina came to visit me on friday. The thought of someone caring and bothering about me, made me feel better immediately. Sat came and went, and I managed to lift my depression a little and tidied the hall. Now I am proud of my hall.
I am also able to get outdoors and do some shopping today. And I bought a new jacket for myself that I tot was quite nice. And my depression diminished. I am in fact looking forward to face the challenges tomorrow at work and cross my fingers and hope that I get lucky and things go well. I hope no one sms me in the morning and tell me they are on MC or else my spider legs have to come out again.
You see. I am doing outsourcing and for outsourcing terms, there is a need to have someone there under contractual terms, so when someone is on MC, I HAVE to get a replacement within 2 hours if not I will get a penalty.
There are some people out there who are really irresponsible. They promise to turn up and yet they report sick. For those who report sick last min, they are already 50% responsible when they INFORM you. I have candidates who DO NOT TURN UP AT ALL. And there's no sms or call from them at all and after a few days, they claim to have misunderstood or fell TOO SICK to inform you.
Seriously I get really pissed off with these irresponsible people. They promised and they broke their promise. And I will seriously consider ever using them again. I do give 2nd chances. But when I keep giving them chances and giving them opportunities, I feel like a beggar when I keep asking them and reminding them to turn up.
So I decided not to ask anymore. I am no beggar. Things work 2 ways. I help you and you help me. If you are not going to help me, I am not going to ask you to do so. There are many people out there who can do the job besides you. At any time I can go into the job and stand in for you. Then why is there a need for you anymore?
These people need to learn to be responsible. They need to know that they have made a promise and they should fulfil it.
The past 2 weeks are a difficult time for me. I tried my best to be as routine as possible and try to focus on stuff but its difficult. At least certain things keep me going - my babies and my god daughter Deedee, godsons ToTo and Rusty. Seeing their innocent faces and loving licks makes me feel better at night, no matter wat challenges I face in the day.
Although i have been going over to their place to feed and clean them up all by myself almost everyday, all thanks to Alan boi and the gang who do try to clean up and bathe the furkids weekly / or at least once every 2 weeks.
And I decided to try to sleep by 11pm everyday cos I know my depression also stems from lack of sleep. Heehee. And I think my period's due today or within the next couple of days so I should be able to get off chocolate soon!!!!! YEAH.
Hope everything will get better tomorrow. Good nite.
Humans are all the same. We all expect more even when we have the basics - we can never be contented. When we see other people having the same things, we still think that theirs is better. Comparing will never end and the greed compelling you to compare and want more, will only drive you crazy.
For the past 2 weeks, I am down with PMS + depression due to work. Feel that I simply do not want to wake up to go to work. Feel that simply not enough time to finish my work. Feel that I cannot breathe when I wake up.
I get depressed thinking its sunday because the next day I have to work. I get blue thinking that its friday cos monday is around the corner. I didnt know that recruitment has sooooooo much paperwork and data entry to be done. i also didnt know that I have to make sooooooo many calls and incur so much expenses in my enthusiasm to perform better.
I look at my house and the mess (not really a big mess) and I get stressed cos I simply am too depressed to do housework.
Then Rina came to visit me on friday. The thought of someone caring and bothering about me, made me feel better immediately. Sat came and went, and I managed to lift my depression a little and tidied the hall. Now I am proud of my hall.
I am also able to get outdoors and do some shopping today. And I bought a new jacket for myself that I tot was quite nice. And my depression diminished. I am in fact looking forward to face the challenges tomorrow at work and cross my fingers and hope that I get lucky and things go well. I hope no one sms me in the morning and tell me they are on MC or else my spider legs have to come out again.
You see. I am doing outsourcing and for outsourcing terms, there is a need to have someone there under contractual terms, so when someone is on MC, I HAVE to get a replacement within 2 hours if not I will get a penalty.
There are some people out there who are really irresponsible. They promise to turn up and yet they report sick. For those who report sick last min, they are already 50% responsible when they INFORM you. I have candidates who DO NOT TURN UP AT ALL. And there's no sms or call from them at all and after a few days, they claim to have misunderstood or fell TOO SICK to inform you.
Seriously I get really pissed off with these irresponsible people. They promised and they broke their promise. And I will seriously consider ever using them again. I do give 2nd chances. But when I keep giving them chances and giving them opportunities, I feel like a beggar when I keep asking them and reminding them to turn up.
So I decided not to ask anymore. I am no beggar. Things work 2 ways. I help you and you help me. If you are not going to help me, I am not going to ask you to do so. There are many people out there who can do the job besides you. At any time I can go into the job and stand in for you. Then why is there a need for you anymore?
These people need to learn to be responsible. They need to know that they have made a promise and they should fulfil it.
The past 2 weeks are a difficult time for me. I tried my best to be as routine as possible and try to focus on stuff but its difficult. At least certain things keep me going - my babies and my god daughter Deedee, godsons ToTo and Rusty. Seeing their innocent faces and loving licks makes me feel better at night, no matter wat challenges I face in the day.
Although i have been going over to their place to feed and clean them up all by myself almost everyday, all thanks to Alan boi and the gang who do try to clean up and bathe the furkids weekly / or at least once every 2 weeks.
And I decided to try to sleep by 11pm everyday cos I know my depression also stems from lack of sleep. Heehee. And I think my period's due today or within the next couple of days so I should be able to get off chocolate soon!!!!! YEAH.
Hope everything will get better tomorrow. Good nite.
Monday, July 14, 2008
My baby gal had a fall yesterday
Yesterday My baby gal had a fall from the bed. I was changing her when she rolled off the bed. Luckily she is ok, except there was a slight limp in her but now its gone when I massaged her both legs. She didnt even cry or anything. She is really a TERROR.
Only 2 months + and she behaves like she's mad. Wonder how will she be when she grows up.
Junior cannot stand her cos he's jealous.
Well boy, you gotta get used to it.
Me also sprained my rite knee tendon (not due to the cycling ok - I already felt a pull before I went cycling yesterday) and today was supposed to be on MC but rushed to work cos 1 of my projects got problem. Sian. MC also cannot rest properly.
Dun have time and energy to blog. Cos always so tired after work and either busy with Warcraft or cable or housework or my 2 kids or sleep.
Will try to keep the spiders from coming by to spin cobwebs again. Shoo spideys....
Only 2 months + and she behaves like she's mad. Wonder how will she be when she grows up.
Junior cannot stand her cos he's jealous.
Well boy, you gotta get used to it.
Me also sprained my rite knee tendon (not due to the cycling ok - I already felt a pull before I went cycling yesterday) and today was supposed to be on MC but rushed to work cos 1 of my projects got problem. Sian. MC also cannot rest properly.
Dun have time and energy to blog. Cos always so tired after work and either busy with Warcraft or cable or housework or my 2 kids or sleep.
Will try to keep the spiders from coming by to spin cobwebs again. Shoo spideys....
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
WAKE UP PEOPLE
Being a recruitment agent, I have interviewed many youngsters for holiday jobs and have come across many school leavers without a proper education cert. I wonder why these people dun bother about education anymore.
Is it because their parents have been too nice to them and these people's mindsets are they can always and forever depend on their parents or get a rich husband or wife to marry and have a comfortable life?
These people who dun study properly and get a proper basic cert ('N', 'O', ITE, Diploma...etc) will find it difficult to get a proper job in life and move forward in life!!
Your parents have high hopes for you when they gave you life. They nurtured you, fed you, made sure you grow well, gave you knowledge, supported you, bought the things you liked for you - THEY LOVE YOU! Do you know you are being very selfish by not studying hard, by not being fillial to them, by not being able to support them in future when they have given you almost everything that is the best for you!!
Friends may be important and they may influence your life and you really like to hang around with them, but when trouble comes, who stick with you? Who offer you advice? Who help you settle things? Who still love you no matter wat happens? YOUR PARENTS!!
And if you are between 15 to 20, your parents are not getting any younger. They would have slogged their youth away just to support you, just to buy you that toy you badly wanted, or that Play Station or PSP or MP4 player that you really wanted. Things that they dun even bear to own themselves - yet they try their best to provide for you.
So isn't it rite that you study hard and try your best for their sake? I am fed up with looking at resumes that state "Sec 4 - Not completed", "Secondary 3 Education". Its not that I am anti these people, just that the society out there requires certification - NOT ME.
I am just anti these people who break their parents' hearts because they are selfish and are so centre-minded that they focus only on their own difficulties and cannot see how much effort, tears, heartache, money, hope and LOVE that their parents put int for them since they came into this world.
To these people, I say, WAKE UP. Work hard now and you will not suffer later in life. Its better to suffer now a bit and study for a couple of years more rather than to suffer the next 20-40years working like a cow and paid peanuts. And worse still, your parents suffer with you as they get old and you are unable to provide for them properly. So you better wake up now and start somewhere in life.
Is it because their parents have been too nice to them and these people's mindsets are they can always and forever depend on their parents or get a rich husband or wife to marry and have a comfortable life?
These people who dun study properly and get a proper basic cert ('N', 'O', ITE, Diploma...etc) will find it difficult to get a proper job in life and move forward in life!!
Your parents have high hopes for you when they gave you life. They nurtured you, fed you, made sure you grow well, gave you knowledge, supported you, bought the things you liked for you - THEY LOVE YOU! Do you know you are being very selfish by not studying hard, by not being fillial to them, by not being able to support them in future when they have given you almost everything that is the best for you!!
Friends may be important and they may influence your life and you really like to hang around with them, but when trouble comes, who stick with you? Who offer you advice? Who help you settle things? Who still love you no matter wat happens? YOUR PARENTS!!
And if you are between 15 to 20, your parents are not getting any younger. They would have slogged their youth away just to support you, just to buy you that toy you badly wanted, or that Play Station or PSP or MP4 player that you really wanted. Things that they dun even bear to own themselves - yet they try their best to provide for you.
So isn't it rite that you study hard and try your best for their sake? I am fed up with looking at resumes that state "Sec 4 - Not completed", "Secondary 3 Education". Its not that I am anti these people, just that the society out there requires certification - NOT ME.
I am just anti these people who break their parents' hearts because they are selfish and are so centre-minded that they focus only on their own difficulties and cannot see how much effort, tears, heartache, money, hope and LOVE that their parents put int for them since they came into this world.
To these people, I say, WAKE UP. Work hard now and you will not suffer later in life. Its better to suffer now a bit and study for a couple of years more rather than to suffer the next 20-40years working like a cow and paid peanuts. And worse still, your parents suffer with you as they get old and you are unable to provide for them properly. So you better wake up now and start somewhere in life.
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