The little princess in Me... Berby...

2010-03-16T00:10:00.002+08:00

Yes I am still holding on. But not in the way that I love him. Its jus making me disgusted because he's been lying to me for YEARS. I'm jus holding on to the fact that he lied and he made himself look like the victim. But he wasn't. I was!

He broke the vows we shared, he broke the promises he made, he broke the bond between us, he broke up the family - my family, he broke up my life, he broke up my friends, he made me do things I wished I didnt. Yet I did because of him, because I tot he meant well for me, because I tot he really loved anc cared.

And all along I pitied him. I tot I was an evil person to do tat to him twice. I was the monster who made him unable to face the world, face his friends, face his family and face everyone. I was the unforgiving bitch who couldn't let things rest. I was the bitch who caught him 3 times and yet forgave him. I fucking forgave him to let him hurt me time after time again. How much tears that fell from my eyes for these fucking few years. All so that he could fuck another woman behind my back.

So bambo bitch - open your glued eyes and take a look at this bastard you admired for being conservative and respectful towards you. U didnt know behind ur back and in front of me how he fucked u up with words. He said you were a psycho. And yes you are still a psycho. And now look at your admirable conservative matured man who fucked up. So its time u take something and shove it up ur cunt cos u jus need to shut up on your fucked up psycho views.

I am affected cos I have been lied to for years. Smoke screened me. Made me into believing I was a monster at heart and I was evil and I had to repent. No wonder when I left you didnt ask me back, Cos you had more freedom to fuck her. Then u turned the tables on me saying I fucked with my good friend's uncle and one of rina's friends. FUCK YOU CCB.

People who behaved the most decently usually arent so decent at all. Stop putting on your tufong and behave like a saint. Even with the tudong on you still fuck other people's husbands. I remembered everything. I still remember. I will never forget because it was hell that I went thru. The darkest period in my life. You made me cut off my best friend and then when I had another best friend you tried to cut her off as well. Might as well cage me right.

I tot I had forgiven you and moved on. But I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. And yes I have moved on but i never felt so cheated in my life.....

And I am glad I am with someone better now who treats me and respect me like I am. Unlike you bastard who thinks what? I am a stupid bird brain pea brained bimbo issit?

My life is back on track and i have a happy family now. Unlike you who need to hide and run away from people.....

Photos

2010-03-01T23:19:00.002+08:00

Photos - They capture every moment in life.
These images sharp as a knife.
They keep everything still.
So that everyone has time to feel.

Photos - They retain the best memory
Even when our hair turn silvery.
They bring out the best in you and me
The best that no one else can see.

Photos - When we turn and look back in time
Nothing you can buy even with a dime.
They set right into our heart
The only place where the memories dun fall apart

Photos - They tell the lines where you aged
The hurt that you caged
The wounds that still hurt
The scars remain till the day we return to the dirt.

People? Friends?

2010-03-01T22:59:00.003+08:00

I didnt know Picasa acts as the storage server for Blogger's pics uploads. And oh god I saw pics of my own posts like YEARS back and I was quite taken aback at how I looked last time..... :)

Time flies by very fast. I have been on journeys that were full of pain, journeys that were mad with laughter and journeys that were filled with fun....

I treasure every important people in my life who had made things happen in one or another way in my life. God who created me and breathed life into me, my parents who "made" me, my mum who carried me inside her for the longest time ever, the relatives and family who carried me and took care of me and loved me, the good friends who taught me love, friendship, happiness, laughter, peace and so many things, of cos the bad friends who taught me the ways of life, the rules that can be bended and the promises that can be broken. Also to the people who made me teared, whether was it happy or sad tears that came down my face......

There were people who touched me right into the bottom of my heart. There were people whom I tot I would fall for. There were people I fell for, but didnt fall for me. There were people whom fell for me yet I didnt fall for them. There were people whom I was deeply in love with. There were people who loved me deeply. There were people whom were destined with me. There were people whose destiny was not mine and mine was not theirs to keep.

I live life by the day and appreciate it when the sun comes out with its warmth and when the warmth from friendship made it warmer. I yearn for attention from my friends and from the people I love and the people who love me.

I am glad to be surrounded by love from my friends and the people who love me and the people I love.

I used to ask God for so many things. "please let me have this, please let me have that" "i'll do anything to have that special one"....

But God didnt give me all that I asked for. God gave me MORE than I asked for. There are indeed better things in life other than the things I used to want or used to need. There are better people worth cherishing other than the ones who were full of thorns. I finally understand why God had better plans.

I look back. If I continued wat I was doing due to comfort, due to the familiar feeling, due to the same ways, due to companionship, due to HOPE, due to love..... I wouldn't be wat I am now.

I admit that I have grown.... thru trials in life and thru falls and disappointment and failure and shame and everything...... I might not had gone thru the WORST trial in my life yet, but I know there are cushions ard me who will cushion me when I fall. These cushions are my very important group of friends who will not hesitate to catch me and break my fall.

And I would gladly do the same to them.

I used to have lots of friends too. I used to take them for granted. I used to make use of them. I used to hurt them. And I am sorry.

Because I could have more than wat I had now.

And thru my previous actions and experiences I do treasure every single one of my friends ard me now. The not so close ones are my road where I walk with them. The closer ones are my light where they light the road together with me. The closest ones are my life because they light up my life........

And I love every single one of you. Maybe in different ways, maybe in far away, long distances I cannot reach you but I wan you to know that you are forever in my heart. It is true that once the beautiful memories are settled into the heart, the heart can never forget.

"I keep thinking of you so that I will never forget"

I dun expect that every friend return the favour and love me in return. But I am grateful if they do appreciate me and enjoy my company. And I would say "Cheers to all of my friends". :)

2010-02-24T00:53:00.002+08:00

(Adapted from Facebook)

Its a road I had taken. That painful journey. Every second of that memory kills thousands and millions of cells in me. My skin crawls while my heart aches.

I tell myself to let it go. But either my heart or my brain stubbornly refuses to do so. I used to think, wat in the hell was wrong with me. Now I finally realised there is nothing wrong. Love has no rite or wrong. If the other party does not love me, nothing wrong, cos they dun need to love me. And they have the rite to reject. However if there is no rejection or acceptance, then wat am I? Someone who blindly waits?

On 1 hand, let it go. On the other hand, cannot bear to let go. Wat if I lose this special one forever? Will I ever learn to love again? Will I ever know love again? Will I ever survive this?

It hurts till now. It never stopped hurting. It will never stop hurting the day we are all alive. Absence only makes the heart grows fonder???? Or daily interaction makes it hard to let it go?

I still hurt. But I look at it that the special one is happy. The special one's happiness and laughter and warmth and survival and everything else is more important than anything else. I can give up anything so that the special one can continue with everything.

"If it even hurt you to think of me, I would rather you forget me so that you do not have to hurt, even though it is killing me"

"I would give up my everything so that you can have everything"

"Your happiness is most important to me and it doesn't matter if I am hurting"

A blessing in disguise that we are in such a situation now? Or is it going to be eternal hurt?

No. There will always be someone else. Even if you are not the one to follow me till the end of the world and till the end of my time, you will always be part of me, part of my life, part of wat I used to be and will always be in me. I will keep this special memory inside me, the only place that no one can steal it from me. This part of you will always belong to me.

I look at your face
I sit in a daze
Not knowing where to go
Emotions run low

I dunno wat to do
I am scared too
I am in a maze
In an airless case

I turn my back. And walk away. But deep down how much I wanted to run back. And how much effort and strength and everything I use to stop myself from doing so. I know any word from you and I will lose all my perserverence. And I am holding on to myself from going mad. Nearing the verge of madness.

With you, or without you. the sun still shines, the world still turns and time still ticks and doesn't stop. But my mind can be frozen there for you and my heart can stop beating for you at that moment. If you just open up, I guess disaster will happen. The disaster will be exploding inside me. So have mercy on me. Just tell me, whether it is wat I wanted to hear.

2009-12-31T01:27:00.003+08:00

Let's end 2009 with a small bang. :) I cannot sleep and now its almost 1.30am. There are too many things going on in my brain. I drank quite a bit this evening and AM supposed to be tired and drowsy and sleepy and AM supposed to be in bed by now.

I tried. But I close my eyes and my brain is still working. Its still churning and turning and processing things. After i log on to FB it got worse......

My eyelids are heavy. My eyes are tired. But my brain refuse to sleep..... everytime I try to close my eyes my brain reacts by playing images that are affecting me... Who understands ah?

I tried to talk about it. But at this time of the nite, even terror and junior is sleeping you know.... then i remember you my berby.blogspot.com.... :)

Well... I dun think I wan to say anything here cos I will dream about it later.... :)

2009-06-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I came here. Too busy with facebook. No one reads here anyway. Everyone else is also busy with facebook i guess!!!

I decided to rear spiders here again....

Hahahahhaha

Ah ber is sick

2009-04-19T15:00:00.003+08:00

Been having high fever since friday nite. 39++ degrees. No appetite, whole body ache, cannot stand up cos i will be giddy.

Slept away my whole sat and half of sun.

Still feeling weird.

Great time to lose weight!!!

Miss junior and terror and bruno and kido. Dreamt that junior was lost at my grandma's house. I dreamt this twice.... so worried. And in my delirious state, woke up thinking it was real and got so confused.... Few times woke up and didnt know where I was......Had to take a couple of minutes to fingure out that I was at home and raging a fever.....

And that junior was safe at bradel....

its terrible to be sick. My throat is so sore that I lost my voice....

Bad bad weekend.....

Terror and Aliens 08 April 2009

2009-04-08T23:26:00.004+08:00

I know you are waitin for my Macau post. Will surely upload the pics soon......

Been busy cos I promised Terror to bring her to the vet for her scan when I came back from Macau. When I came back from Macau tat nite, already can feel the aliens moving inside her. Had the scan last sunday and they shaved her tummy..... Cost me S$186 but we left with 2 x-tray slides showing 2 aliens inside her. Wanted to schedule her for C-section on 11 April but the price was HORRENDOUS - quoted me S$1200. Asked mummy rina to help with natural birth for terror. We read up on the internet and watched youtube videos of chihuahua giving birth. Looked so easy. But there were some difficult cases too. Terror looked like a cow with her tummy shaved and nipples sticking out.....

This morning, 08 April 2009, at 5plus am, her contractions must have started. She started peeing gel stuff out since 5plus and both me and rina were watching over her. I called in urgent leave around 7plus cos we both had the feeling its today she's gonna give birth. I called my boss and told her my gal giving birth already HOW HOW HOW HOW........ I think she panicked too.

7plus am - She started to have liquid coming out from her vulva. Yellowish liquid mixed with bit blood. A partial part of a water bag came out from her vulva. She was trying to push. We were trying to rub her tummy and comfort her to push out the babies. Could see some black thing inside (looked like a tail or a leg). Then as quick as it came out, it went back in again.

Junior was playing his part as expectant daddy and was pacing around anxiously.

8plus am - called the hospital to ask if this was normal. Nurse said it was. But vet said to bring her in for urgent assisted delivery as there might be distortions or something.

9plus am - went to the hospital. Felt safe cos ALL the vets were there for a meeting..... Terror was hooked up to IV drip and given injection to induce labour. She screamed a few times due to the needles (she is terribly scared of the pain). Me and Rina stayed back in the ward to accompany her.

Terror was frantic cos she was in a strange environment. Kept running to either me or rina. The vet came to examine her a couple of times - He's really a nice and cute guy. His name is Dr Brian Loon. Love him to bits.....

By this time, the alien on the left side has no motion. I cannot feel the alien moving in terror's tummy. I was frantic too.

10plus am - Terror splurted more liquid out so we were so scared the water bag broke. Called the vet in immediately. He stuck his fingers inside her and told us the bag was still intact. Sighed a great sigh of relief. Terror had 2nd jab to induce labour. If she didnt make it this time, C-section most probably on the cards.....

Suddenly, the water bag came out partially from her vulva again. Called the vet in again and on the spot, the doctor and the nurse tried to assist her in delivery. Water bag there but the alien was not in proper place - not in the birth canal yet!!!

Vet and nurse tried to help her. They put lub and stuck their fingers inside trying to hook the alien out. They asked me to help by holding her up and talking to her while they work on her lower body. Could feel her contractions and she did try to push.

By this time, I can feel NO motion from right alien as well. Scared the shit outta me.

Vet suggested we wait longer.

I cannot wait longer. I told him to prepare the c-section NOW.
11plus am - Terror was sent into the operating room where I can see from outside. They shaved her more and knocked her out. I cannot bring myself to see the rest. Rina and D and jakes took turns to check her out.

12plus pm - The surgeon brought out a sag from terror. The sag was broken and 2 aliens were brought out to the cruel world. 2 aliens all covered in slime and disgusting liquid and NOT BREATHING (cos they still had the umbillical cord attached).

The nurses were trying very hard to save them, make them breathe. They started by dropping them quite hard into the palms of another nurse, then very very very very furiously rubbing and rubbing and rubbing them all over. They took liquid out from the alien's nose and mouth. It took about 15minutes for them to do all these, but it took ages for me.

I tot I lost them.

Finally they meowed. Hahahahahaha. They made funny noise like kittens meowing la.

And they moved and they were ALIVE!!!!!

1plus pm - Terror finally came out from the operating theatre after her sterilization. I never want her and myself to go thru such torture ever again. Terror finally let her kids suckle her and they looked comfortable together....

I nearly cried when I saw the boys and terror.

2plus pm - Kenji came to visit his daughter and his grandsons. We were gloating over the fact that we were grand parents. But not too happy about the hole in the pocket. I had already made a S$1500 deposit for the hospitalization and surgery.

8pm - Rina the grand nanny, Lena the God grandma, Jakes the God grand uncle and Ber the grandma picked up our little girl terror with her 2 boys. Earlier on we rushed to pet movers to get supplements and good food for terror.

Junior was introduced to his sons but he wasnt too interested as he wasn't sure wat they were and where they came from and who they were.....

11plus pm - Terror finally ate her supper and all is well!!!! We will continue to monitor them thru the nite......

Aren't you keen to see the puppies?

Here you go.....

I have yet to name them....... one of them is almost exactly the same as daddy Junior. The other one is just like mummy Terror. They look more like hamsters now.....

I feel old. I am grandma status already!!!! Total damages today: S$1596....... damage to my pocket, but boost to my heart cos I am filled with happines and pride.....

Thank you darling terror who gave me 2 wonderful grandsons. Thank you for going thru all that you went thru to add more joy in my life. Thank you for being such a great mummy and such a great daughter!

And also thank you to Junior for your super sperm and stubborn kids who look like you and terror!!

Thank you mummy rina who was with the kids (including me) thru-out the whole thing. Thank you Jakes for sending us there. Thank you D for loving the aliens. Thank you daddy kenji for dropping by to visit your gal even though you had a tight schedule. Thank you Godma Lena who came to visit and went with us to pick terror and the boys back!

Thank you God for answering my prayers!!

Bye Sg, Hi Macau

2009-03-29T10:22:00.002+08:00

Ah Ber is now at the Budget Terminal waiting to get on my flight to Macau. Will be meeting my friend Hui Keng there!!!! So exciting!!!

Just had breakfast with my family and hubby at HANis. Then came into the transit area and realised that got more food inside!!!!!! But too full to eat anymore!!!!

Ah Ber will happily be shopping at Macau, Hong Kong and Zhuhai......

Meanwhile I will be missing those around me like Mummy Rina, my 3 godsons, my babies Junior and Terror and my darling kenji!!!!

Dun miss me too much!!!!

Wuv you all, see ya when I am back..... Happy April's Fool in advance!!!!

Will blog if the casino has an internet hahahahahahaah....

Lots of love, Ah Ber

Rants

2009-03-20T23:29:00.002+08:00

Ber is on half day today so decided to take Terror to the vet as I had kenji's car. Its still too early to tell if she is pregnant but I made her go for the heartworm test and she was screaming so loudly that I could hear her from the front of the clinic!!! My heart ached..... They had to poke her twice cos she wouldn't stop moving and they couldn't draw blood from her!!!!!

Poor Baby. Today cost me a BOMB again.... Almost $150 for whole session!!!!!

Kenji's out entertaining again. Ber is bored so I went down to my parents place to visit them with the kids and also buy some stuff. Decided to re-floor my study room for the kids' benefit.....just like my own room....

So I just did it and just finished it.....Ber just re-floored my study room ALONE. Cant imagine how heavy is the flooring.

I am totally shacked and covered in sweat and feel like dropping off to sleeeeeeeeep. But just realised I haven't had dinner. So later I'll just cook some soup and go to sleeeeeeep.

Before that..... share some pictures with you...

How come I got a Wabbit?

Wahahahahaaha.

When....

2009-03-18T19:26:00.002+08:00

When the rain fall,
When the darkness is nothing but all,
When the light fade,
When the ocean turns the colour jade,

When the morning dawn,
When the sun awake with a sleepy yawn,
When the warmth slips into cold,
When I have no one to hold,

When the emptiness run over,
When missing you starts to hover,
When glory is all I wished for you,
When praises are all I sing for you,

I wonder about you.....

Ah ber's plan

2009-03-15T11:10:00.002+08:00

Ok. Ah Ber is planning for my birthday already. I would like to take the aeroplane..... so here are the options below:

1) BKK
Tiger - $30, 6.30am flight on 9 may, $100, 2010pm flight on 11 may back.
Jetstar - $69. 7.15am flight on 9 may, $79, 2115pm flight on 11 may back.
Jetstar - $79, 1930pm flight on 8may, $79, 2115pm flight on 11 may back.
Airasia - $59, 2040pm and 2205pm flight on 8 may, $104, 1815 flight on 11 may back.
Airasia - $86, 1055am flight on 9 may, $104, 1815 flight on 11 may back.

2) KK
Need to find out more.....

3) KL/Genting
Drive up?

4) Batam

5) Bintan

6) Bali

7) HK disneyland

Hahahahahahhaa

Camping adventure

2009-03-15T10:48:00.002+08:00

Ah Ber is sun burnt again. I spent the last wed and thurs CAMPING. Can you believe it? Wed was Jared's birthday so we all followed his wishes to go to the places he wanted to go.

Wed -
9am to 11.30am - We went to Jurong Swimming complex to enjoy the lazy river and wave pool and dip in the jacuzzi. The look on the kids' faces showed they really enjoyed the lazy river and wave pool.

11.30 to 3pm - We travelled to Kulai via the 2nd link. Went to the Nanyang fishing pond. the scenery sucks cos there were rubbish everywhere. The pond is a man-made pond but it was quite good. The fishes there were big but we cannot bring them back - its a catch and release pond. The fishes were longer than my arm!! But we didnt have much luck with the fishes due to 2 reasons. 1) We had to use either bread of some banana pudding as bait, which doesn't really stay on the hooks for long. 2) The hooks we had to use, had to be barbless. They took out the little pointed part of the hook so that we dun hurt the fishes if we get them. But this way, the fishes dun really stay on the hook as well.

The mozzies there were HORRIBLE. They gave us the impression that they haven't been feeding in THOUSANDS of years cos they were so ferocious and HUNGRY. They could sting for a few times in a row. We were really casaulties of this episode. Even the mozzies coil cannot prevent them from us.

After an hour, we gave up.

3pm to 6pm - We travelled to giant, carrefour wanting to get our sleeping bags and our tent. Managed to get the tent and i got a sleeping bag and shoes too. Hahaha.

6pm to 8pm - We played at Danga Bay.

8pm to 10pm - We went to fishing shops in woodlands and yishun to get our fishing stuff and set up our tent at Sembawang beach.

10pm to Thurs 6pm - We spent our time at Sembawang beach where I got the biggest crab and D got the biggest FISH. Hahahahah...... Slept at 5am on thurs morn but at 7am, I was awaken by D who was screaming for me to get pilers and scissors and a towel cos he said some catfish had a Hook in its mouth. I jumped up thinking WOW, we finally get a big fish. To my dismayal..... it was a Stewpig "stupid" cat who was greedy enough to eat a fish on the hook (not our hook, some people's hook) and got snagged on the line with the hook hooking her mouth just like a fish.

You know ah, the cat's mouth is not like a fish mouth and it really hurts if the hook hooked it. So i decided to cut the line cos the stewpig cat refused to let me go near her to remove the hook. So the cat left with a piercing in her mouth la. Stewpig cat.

Wat a camping adventure. My furkids didnt go as we needed to spend a night and I didnt have time to concentrate on them and on fishing. I also didnt want them to be killed by the sand fleas there or the wild cats or dogs there.

Mummy also brought charcoal and we cooked maggie mee, toasted bread, scrambled eggs, coffee and lotsa others over the stove. We also cooked and ate our crabs and prawns and fishes....

But I felt like a young gal at heart again. Felt wild and jungle-like. Like in survivor!!! Hahahaha. But it was really cool!!! And the boys were great as my fishing assistants! Especially Jared. He was really PRO.... He listened to instructions and he was able to catch fishes too!!! Great Job Jared!!!

MARCH 2009

2009-03-02T22:08:00.003+08:00

Yes, today is the 1st working day for March 2009.

I woke up with a smile on my face this morning. Because I had a nice dream. It felt so real. Like lying just beside me. All in white. Smiling at me. Short cropped hair. Looked just like the past. I am happy. Happiness flowed from the smile at me. Glowing face. Relaxed.

I forced myself to wake up. Because I had to do laundry before I went to work and also because I didnt want to fall deeper into the dream. :) But I thank God for my dream. He always makes things happen when you least expect it. :) I love God!

Today is the 1st working day in march, the day I take on my new role. It was a challenging day today. Cos 1stly, last friday we moved our work space. And today, officially, I am seated NEXT TO MY BOSS. Great rite? But I luv it you know. Cos seated near the bosses means you get to hear gossip, you get to know certain things happening earlier than others, you get to polish their boots, you get to SHOW them how hardworking, you get to have best deals for work...... hahahahahahaa.

Seriously, my boss is quite nice. My boss's boss is seated just opposite my boss, which is diagonally opposite me. She can go PMS sometimes, and I am quite staying away from her.

Today, I accomplished finishing 20 contracts in half an hour. Cool rite? My boss was quite happy about things that went about today!

And I am starting to get busy again which is good. Because if I get too free, I get complacent!!!

Today is my mum's birthday!! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to MOMMY!!!!! Happy Birthday to you! Lurve you lots!!!!

Yesterday Kenji brought my parents and aunts out for dinner at Beng Hiang. The food was good!!! My family were very happy!!! And I am happy too!!!! Cos i have a good hubby!!!! :)

FROGGER

2009-02-26T22:34:00.002+08:00

Think I gonna lurve facebook soooooo much!

Just saw an invitation to ARCADE GAMES by Ryan. My ryan baby I love you soooooo much for inviting me.....

Cos I saw my all time favourite.... FROGGER.

I remember playing this when I was really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really YOUNG. Ok I put x23 of "really" cos I played this around 23 years ago to be exact ok.

Frogger was my cousins' favourite game and at that time, only the rich had computers. And the computers were big and squarish and the images were ugly cos you can see the matrix making out the shapes on the screen.

I was fascinated by the game. They had other games la, but more for the "bigger" children la. I remember them playing "Mission Impossible", "Donkey Kong" (yes, another of my favourite), "Dungeons and Dragons" (All time favourite for them cos its a "guy" game) and not to mention, FROGGER.

Maybe at my age, I was fascinated to see the frog jump across the road and onto the logs and then go home. Maybe my cousins' surgical fingers (they are both doctors now) made the whole controlling of frogger look so easy.

I remember my frog can only go straight and straight and straight. I was so dumb that I cannot move the frog sideways. I had to wait till all traffic was clear before i move my frog straight straight and straight. Hahahahahah..... same for the logs I had to wait till the best chance to jump it on the log..... cannot and dunno how to move left or rite.......

Now facebook has ALL the favourites. I am going to be sooooooo hooked on facebook now.......

Gone with my wings??? I dun think so...

2009-02-22T14:34:00.003+08:00

I know I gonna get depressed with my wings gone. Plus I am down with flu and a toothache. Whenever my health is not in top form, my emotions always go haywire and goes on a roller coaster ride. But this time I am quite calm.

Haha. Maybe the antibiotics that I am on have sedatives in them. Maybe I have learnt to take things easy? (Not very convinced).

Funny thing is, I have been learning to accept the way things are now.....

With immediate effect my commission is affected. I dun even need to wait till march. It was a blessing in disguise to let tortilla go. I am sad I had to make such a decision but it was a rite one. Cos if he didnt go, I will have to go (meaning hug him and die together). Hahaha.

Losing my wings is not a big thing. Cos I wasnt born with wings. So i'll need to get adjusted to things now. The simple things in life can also bring happiness. Not neccesary to have luxurious things to be happy..

For example, you can be happy taking a bus ride around and seeing the beautiful creations by God. You can be happy by lazing around at the beach and spending time with the people you love. You can be extremely happy when you get to take a ride in people's car and go to JB!!!

Hahahahaha...... Ok i am proud that i am taking things well.....

I am not gone with my wings. Ah ber is still here and doin well ok.....

In loving memory of Tortilla

2009-02-22T14:10:00.003+08:00

It was over jus over the weekend.

My tortilla is gone jus like tat. I didnt even have the chance to say goodbye. Kenji took him away on saturday and Tortilla never came back and is never going to come back.

Farewell Tortilla, my pair of able wings...

The last I saw him was on Thursday. He accompanied me on his final mission, the mission he was initially bought for. He sent me to the swimming complex and waited for me patiently while I finished my class. Both him and I didnt know this was the last time he was going on a mission with me.

Kenji told me that Tortilla refused to start at the workshop. It hurt me to hear that cos I know tortilla must be angry with me. Tortilla doesnt really give me much trouble. I could handle him and I could bear with him whether he could start up or not. There are some parts not good about him. But it wasnt wat he wanted either. He tried his best for me for the past 2 years.

He watched Junior grow. Junior slept inside him. He was there when Terror was bought home. He put up with her pee and barking and scratching. But he will never get to see their kids, or my kids.

Tortilla was there for me when I needed to move from east to west of singapore. He even carried me all the way across the causeway. Even though he was weary and tired, I worked him to the bone and he finally couldn't move anymore in JB. That was the 1st time I left him overseas in a foreign land. But he was brave and able. He waited patiently for me to return the next day to help him. He was there to share my happines together with my family by ferrying us everywhere we wanted to go. He was there when I was angry and hurt and I cried.

But then I let him go. I dun know if the antibiotics were making my brain make bad decisions or my toothache barred me from thinking rite, but I let him go. And I miss him.

Farewell Tortilla. Just wan you to know that you are missed, you will be missed and I do love you. Its just circumstances that made me unable to keep you. Hope you get a good owner who will love you jus as I loved you, or love you even more.

I know I didnt fulfil my part fully. I didnt bathe you as often as the other cars. I dun really keep you clean and shiny and proud to be mine. But I love you no matter if you have 1 inch of dirt over you or whether you are shiny or not. I love you cos you have been a part of me for the past 2 years and you have served me well. Maybe its now time to get someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Love you lots. Bye Tortilla.

Dilemma at the dentist

2009-02-17T19:43:00.002+08:00

Today I visited my dentist for a rumoured horrible procedure on my molar.

Well. I was contemplating to pull it out or save it. Pulling it out means I save a whole lot cos it might cost only $80. But I have no more molar on my left side. Saving it means I need to spend a total of 2months of my time and around $2k+ of my money, which includes a root canal treatment, crowning and a bridge.

Dentist said my tooth can be saved. So I proceeded with the root canal treatment. Just 2 roots to dig out and clean and disinfect and fill. Total damage today $545.70. Hmmmm.......

Next month I gonna spend more on my crowning and bridging. Well. hope its for the better....

I am going to Macau

2009-02-16T20:39:00.004+08:00

I am soooooo looking forward to March.

Partly because I will take on my new role, have a new partner (the 1 and only guy in both the temp and permanent teams is MINE now), have a better work life balance, celebrate Jared's birthday most probably in JB DANGA BAY and and and and and AND I AM GOING TO MACAU!!!!!

I am going to stay at the Venetian for 3 nights!!!!! Ok. i know in my previous post I am talking about saving and stuff like tat. But I DUN CARE. Cos the venetian is some place that is 5**** and I will surely feel like a rich gal. Hahahahaha.

And I am going to HK after like 19 years!!!! And not to mention to Zhuhai to ShOp TiLl I dRoP..... YEAH!!!!!

March is a good month.
April not too bad too cos got long weekend.
May got 2 long weekends!!!!!!
June and July is a good time to plan to go cool places
August got long weekend again
September is good cos got nice birthdays I can celebrate
October is kinda boring but its towards the end of the year so it will be great too
November has long weekend too
December, dun mention, its the best month in the whole year!!!!!

Change of role

2009-02-16T20:26:00.002+08:00

Remember that I resigned and was rejected (most embarrassing resignation la)?

My company is undergoing an internal restructuring. I have been offered a new role and I have sort of "accepted" it as my bosses have "assigned" me to this new role as they feel that my strengths lie in Service.

I will no longer do recruitment. Meaning, no more calling and talking to strangers, no more people flying your kite, no more late nites waiting for candidates, no more excitement when my candidate gets selected for a position, no more interviews with weird people, no more interview marathon, no more profiling resumes (dun speak too soon), no more PROJECTS (YEAH)

I will be focusing on service delivery. Yup, i'll be a service delivery consultant.

I will be fighting paperwork everyday. Perks are, I get to go home on time, I get to reach home before the sky runs out of light, I get to play more facebook and update my blog more often when I am back, I can slack at home, I can meet up with friends and have my social life back, I can do more housework (yeah, rite...), I can be a couch potato, I can spend more time with Junior and Terror, I can spend more time with Kenji, I can sleep early, I can rest more, I can have more free time.

The downs are..... I have no commission anymore. I have to scrimp and save on my poor meagre basic pay. I might have to sell tortilla away as I cannot afford to have him, I have to think twice when buying expensive things, I have to eat bread and butter and maggie mee, I have to plan my money in smart and wise way.

Actually, its not a bad thing rite? Cos anyway I still have to save rite. Hahahahaha.

And Commission is not the most important thing to me. The most important thing is I am happy with my job. And so far I am happy. :) And yes, paperwork can be lethal too, but I think it is still manageable I hope......

We'll see how things work out..... anyway Ah ber wun starve to death cos I am a jack in many trades. I wun go to the stage where I have to stand at Geylang. Hahahahahhaa..... the most I will be a fishergal..... hahahahahah..... or I shall be a bummer and have free food and lodging at bradel..... Hahahahaha. mummy will be the most happy person on earth I think......

Well, to look on the bright side, I no longer have to rush around like an ant or spider. I no longer have to stare at my phone for SMS from clients or candidates. I no longer have the stress on filling job orders....... I just have to beat time to do keying of the system and paperwork and talking to clients and candidates that are familiar to my company and helping to do service recovery all that. YEAH!!!!! Which is my forte!!!

Well, anywhere I go, 2009 is a good good good year for me!!!

So I am going to PROSPER and BLOOM and HUAT AH..... hahahahahahaah

Happy Valentines Day!!! 2009!!!

2009-02-14T21:03:00.003+08:00

Today is Saturday and its Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentines to all my friends whether you are single or coupled or married or divorced. Actually everyday can be valentines if you choose to live it that way.

In fact this afternoon when I went out with Rina she mentioned that she dun feel the mood for valentines..... Hmmmm. I never seem to feel the special mood for valentines..... Last 2 years Yup, I do feel a twinge here and there in my heart.... the excitement of going out together where your boyfriend and you can spend special times together just on this day..... where you should feel pampered and loved and well taken care of.....

Today I still didnt feel the mood up till 2.45pm when Rina and me were discussing about Valentines day.

But I decided that since I dun feel the mood, I should create it for myself. Well you see, I am quite a stubborn and independent gal who takes things into my own hands to make people feel better.

hahha...

So I decided to cook a valentines dinner for kenji. Nothing special cos I do cook for him occassionally... but today I made him his favourites..... bacon, beef steak, ham, eggs, Mash potato, greens for the day, baked beans and I also baked him my 1st cake ever since moving into my house. hahahaha.....

And I actually felt the mood when I was preparing dinner!!!! Hahahahha.

That explains why the food tastes really nice!!

Dun talk too much.... let the pictures speak for themselves...... :)

Looks good rite! Ah ber can cook one ok!!!!!

Dino Terror

2009-01-26T23:54:00.001+08:00

Some news to announce.....

Dino Terror just received her 1st ang bao for Niu Year......

She started menstrating on saturday.... Wat a big ang bao for her..... and Junior :).

Just imagine my challenges in bringing her out to bai nian!!!!

She officially turned 9mths today 26 January 2009......

Only 9mths leh.....must look up the web to see if this is normal or has junior been naughty lately...

Happy Niu Year 2009!!!!

2009-01-26T23:35:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year to everyone here!!! Happy NIU Year!!!

I sooooo love Chinese New Year cos everyone will be smiling and be full of happiness and smiles and laughter and I feel LOVE everywhere, especially this year when I go bai nian with my hubby and my kids.....

Ox year is a good year for monkeys..... so must make use of this year to work hard and strive ahead!

If I didnt resign, maybe I will be planning a trip with my family to Macau or maybe go with Angie to BKK. :) If I resign, then maybe cannot cos cannot take leave yet rite? Hahaha....

Anyway, anywhere I go, as long as I am surrounded by people who love me and tots of the people I love, happiness will follow.

Take this festive season to be together with your loved ones and friends and let happiness follow you. Dun stress yourself, dun quarrel, dun fight for anything..... just relax and be yourself, be happy.... just take things easy....... give and take..... YEAH.... HUAT AH......

I do not mind working hard now because the results will be at the end of the road.
Even if there are no results, I will not regret cos I have not failed - I have tried my best.
Along the way I have learnt alot and these will follow me all the way till the end......
And I know that the people who love me, will never give up on me. :)
And to all of these people who love me - A Big Thank You to all of YOU......
Especially my family, my hubby, my best friend Rina - Love you lots!!!

HUAT AH

2009-01-25T21:31:00.002+08:00

My promoter project ended yesterday nite at midnight SHARP. This morning I woke up with a smile on my face, even offered to go over to the market to get breakfast. :)

Yesterday morn i went for a class, then went to the market to get the freshest fish and meat and vegetables and spent my whole afternoon boiling chicken soup for evening's steamboat. Then I spent the whole afternoon preparing my food and cutting them into the right sizes.

Kenji helped me mop and sweep the whole house. :)

The late nights spent over cleaning the house paid off cos i was very happy and satisfied with my progress. :)

Yesterday evening's steamboat was a success. And today's steamboat was a success too!.

Yesterday my parents and family came over for steamboat. We had more than 20 dishes. :) Today Kenji's family came over and we all had steamboat too. :) Next sat having another round of steamboat with TFT. Great!!!!

On friday I tendered my resignation. I know I shocked my boss and I felt very guilty in wanting to resign. But I am really very tired. She refused to accept my resignation letter and pushed it back to me. She would like to change my role in the team and asked me to give her 2 weeks. I promised her I would wait 2 weeks for her to reveal her plans. My colleague said that I was very nice to my boss. Of cos as my boss is quite good to me. :)

So officially I am still with my company for another 2 weeks. :)

I am happy cos I finally can feel the CNY holiday mood. It is usually this kind of festive seasons that make your heart miss the people nearest to it, especially if they are so far away from you. Last week i dreamt of my grandma who passed away 7 years ago. I still miss her very much.

That's why today I prayed to ancestors as advised by master. I cooked them a sumptous dinner for them. I even bought "mama" chocolates and a big bag of stuff for her. I bought lots of money and lots of stuff for them. I boiled the steamboat soup in advance then used it to cook the 20 over dishes of steamboat stuff for them. I boiled rice then kenji helped me pack the stuff and put them into the trolley where we went downstairs to pray to them (kenji ancestors and my ancestors). They had soup, rice, 20 over dishes, green tea, "nian gao", "Huat kueh". :) So this ox year, I have lots of people helping me this year rite? :) So happy......

I am sooooooo looking forward to tomorrow cos I will dress up in new clothes and bring my kids out together with daddy kenji as a family and go and "Bai Nian" to my relatives and his relatives and importantly......I am Mrs Lim this year. :)

Seriously I am quite proud of myself for my house and my ability to actually prepare so much food and I think everyone is very much satisfied with the food. :)

I am also looking forward to next fri and sat...... cos the gambling kings and queens will come out and its is "HUAT" ah time...

HUAT AH HUAT AH HUAT AH!!!!!! HUAT AH!!!!!

Depressed Mood

2009-01-20T12:37:00.002+08:00

Today I am on MC cos I am not feeling well.

But my phone never stop ringing and my eyes never left my lappy screen at all.

I am very tired.

Goodbye Job

2009-01-18T19:03:00.002+08:00

I have decided to tender my resignation.

Because I look back. I have been working for the past 1 year at this same company. What did I achieve? Yes I learnt lots of things. I had satisfaction working here. I am happy about being able to work here. But I do not like the pressure, I do not like the stress, I do not like to give up my personal interests and time and health to this job.

For this past year I used to joke that I am married to this job. But I realise I am married to the wrong one. This job can divorce me anytime cos there are no feelings involved, no love, no ***, nothing. Whereas I'm neglecting so much of my life for this stupid thing named MONEY. I'm not earning alot. I'm just earning enough to make my life go past.

I have been working non-stop mon to sun for the past weeks and coming to the 2nd month already. No extra bonus, no OT pay, no increase in pay, no HUGE com due to this project, in fact whenever I claim my timeoff I feel so guilty.

I did not spend proper time with my kids, with my hubby (come on, I am newly married ok), i neglect the house and this is my 1st proper house and I am a house proud person so it really got to me that CNY is nearing and my house is in a mess.

I have been slogging, but for who? For the benefit of my company, but not to me, not to my family, not to my own benefit, but at my own expense, at my family and friends' expense.

Yes, jobs are hard to come by now. Yes, I may not get my current pay check. Yes, it could be the same out there. But if I dun take the 1st step outta here, I'm still gonna be stuck here in the same shit rite?

Haha. In fact this post is written to convince me that I should move on.

Hahahahahahaha.

I always pride myself on getting things done well. I thrive on praise. But this time round I really cannot tahan already. I am trying my best but I get shouted at. I am trying my best but I failed due to people's failure. I can try my best but if my best needs to depend on the people I use, then I cannot control anything at all!!!!!

I feel really frustrated.

My health, my relationships, my well-being, my life, my brain, my everything is at risk of breaking down. I cannot risk it anymore.

Goodbye job.

A story about Dino Terror

2009-01-16T09:51:00.002+08:00

Did I tell you the story of Dino Terror? She is a fierce little creature who is black in colour and has a white diamond her chest. She swings her bum when she walks, pushes her bum in some male's face and scolds and shouts at anyone who walks her path, cos she is a typical B.I.T.C.H.

I cannot say she is a bimbo cos she is not blonde and she is not stupid. In fact she is very smart and VERY L.A.Z.Y.

When her dad is up to go to work, his pillow is like a warmed toilet bowl, nice and warm to her ass and she decided to pee on his pillow. When her mum is blocking her exit to get off the bed, she retaliate by shitting on her mum's pillow and peeing on her mum's pillow, twice in a roll!!!!

She behaves like a mad rabbit and kangaroo mixed together cos she bounces and hops like no body's business. She looks like a sneaky rat cos she is born in rat year and black like a rat, but she has the characteristics of a taurus, cos she is damn stubborn, just like her mummy.

I love her no matter wat, and I AM HER MUMMY. Yes, and I rolled on her shit on my pillow till it was flattened and I nearly wanted to kill her but she looked at me with her innocent, lovey dovey eyes and I cant bear to cook her in the curry pot. (anyway she got no meat on her)

This is the last weekend before CNY is here. Better go do your spring cleaning or marketing or shopping or your personal stuff before the next weekend.

Happy Ox year!!! 2009!!!! YEAH!!!

D-day today

2009-01-16T09:07:00.002+08:00

I am a spider today. Today is the D-day or Dooms day cos I am having full deployment for my 40 outlets with 45 headcounts running TOGETHER. Besides that I have to watch my colleague's territory for her cos she has to go back to m'sia. Her territory under me is 24 outlets and 24 headcounts. I want to die. Please kill me please.

And then 1 of my receptionist project is down. So now I am doing receptionist duties and at the same time calling my people for my promoter project.

I am very frustrated and irritated because:

1) I love CNY but this year I totally no mood
2) I feel like a spider, going to be an octopus "many hands and legs"
3) I am at Novena now but I cannot go Dong Bar to drink beer cos its closed
4) I cannot sleep properly at night due to work and I am very tired
5) My house is in a mess and I am sooooooo tired everyday, too tired to pack anything.
6) I have no time for myself, my kids, my hubby, my house, EVERYTHING in fact.
7) I dun have time for spring cleaning, no time to do shopping, no time for marketing......
8) I feel lousy, I feel like a spider, I feel like exploding soon, I feel like killing myself....
9) I am having daily headaches
10) I am having my period NOW.
11) I am having PMS.
12) I am having cramps.
13) Terror is killing me by peeing and shitting on my pillows
14) I am killing myself with procrastination.

Ok. This is it. Must take action.

CNY 2009

2009-01-14T19:20:00.003+08:00

Been working non-stop since December 2008. Non-stop for saturdays and sundays. Working Mondays to Sundays and repeating the same thing week after week. My working hours are 8.30am to 6pm weekdays but I never go back on the dot except last week cos I really had to go for class.

My record was last week when I finished work near midnight. Even saturdays and sundays I finish work by midnight when my promoters finish their work.

And PMS is near. I can feel the frustrations building up inside me.

CNY is near. And I have not done ANY CNY shopping, I didnt do any CNY cleaning yet and my bathtub hasn't been fixed yet which means another round of cleaning up after the dust and dirt after renovation.

Last week for 3 days my bathroom was under renovation. And the dust and dirt was unimaginable. I had no idea how to live in such conditions. I wanted to kill myself cos it was really so damn dirty and dusty and I was soooooooo irritated.

Well, finally cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom 2 days ago and felt better. But there are still soooooo many things to be done and so little time left for myself. I wan to die lor!

So tired....... I dun feel any mood for CNY 2009 at all cos I am so busy with work. Help...

Luckily later I going ikea with my best friend or else I will go mad soon....

Its always during the festive periods that makes someone miss you more?

Happy 2009

2009-01-01T00:12:00.002+08:00

I know spiders are building nests here again.

Spent my christmas in Xiamen, China. Tot it would be a ulu samy place. But turned out to be quite happening.

Flew at 8.55am on christmas eve.

Seem to be always eating on the plane, at restaurants.

A total of 28 of us in the Xiamen airlines plane together with 25 bottles of Gordon Bleu. Really no kidding. 25 damn bottles of Gordon Bleu!!!

Dunno how many bottles they had over lunch and dinner for the 5 days, 4 nites there. But there was none left when we boarded the plane on the 28 December.

Christmas eve rocked.

Went to "Bin Lang" road where all the pubs and nitelife were. Counted down in 1 romantic pub where the bartenders rocked!! They actually played with fire inside the bar counter!!. There was also a santa claus going around passing lighted batons. And there was a chinese faggot dancing in front of me and it got me so pissed off that I would like to kick him squarely on his ass.

Had heineken there. Had some BBQ stuff tat took like 1.5hours to arrive. Overall it was fun cos they played chinese and english songs that I KNEW. hahahahah.

The next few days were sight-seeing, drinking, visiting places but not much time to shop.

On the 3rd nite, we have KTV. Something tat I liked (and I didnt know someone loved the song I sang). Drink drank and drunk ok...... red wine, gordon bleu, tsing tao beer (my fav). Managed to get a few of them drunk.

They have a custom there that they will toast to the people who finish singing and I hate holding the mike since then. They have sooooo many customs there that I simply hate drinking.

I named the hosts "madman". The especially crazy ones are the ones who drink non-stop and get people to drink as well. On the 1st nite itself Kenji's boss already got drunk and he even puked.

And kenji had been drinking non-stop since 24 to 28 dec. And today is 31st. He still went out drinking - that is why I am pissed off now.

Went to An Xi on the 4th day but An xi is worse than Xiamen cos there is nothing much to buy at all. Went shopping alone on the last day, but nothing to buy. The boots were quite cheap though.

Came back to sg with a flu. Took medicine and went to sleep, half way waking up and totally didnt know where I was. The flu med was really strong...... Couldn't get up for 2 mornings. Rina tot I got some SARS bug from china and she was bugging me to go to the hospital.

Luckily i am fine now, except I have diarhoea. Hahahaha. Rina's gonna nag at me again.

Yes, I am counting down at home. In fact I counted down while sitting on the toilet bowl. So Happy 2009 - I welcomed it with Shit!!!! Hahahahhaha....

I know 2009 is gonna be a better year - well I say the same things every year. Just let it be. Good or bad year, still have to survive wat. Cannot say bad year then I rather go back to 1999 rite? So just live it lor. Bo bian la.

I am in the "dun bother me" mood. PMS? maybe hor. Maybe just pissed off at certain things and certain people, especially TERROR. She has been barking non-stop whole nite and I am so pissed off that I am ready to cook her in the curry pot.

Today I pampered myself by doing my hair, doing facial so I feel a little better. Then it is down to face book and playing games. Well, I think I will definately feel better on the 1st day of 2009. Hahahahaha.

Been working non-stop since before christmas and after christmas. Feelin the strain and stress of this project. Been working late almost everyday, even today supposed to knock off at 1.30pm also went home about 7plus. No OT claim. No cab fare claim. Sian.

Bye unhappiness..... I gonna play games now!!!!

I am a little more stupid

2008-12-01T20:45:00.002+08:00

Today I decided to pick up my courage and visit someone that I hate - THE DENTIST.

I hate the dentist cos everytime I go there, it will hurt me. Yet I HAD to go cos my tooth was aching. This is one kind of pain that I will never wan to look back at.

I decided to change another dentist cos the previous one who did the fillings didnt really last. Just about 1 year old the fillings dropped. But I am hesitant to go to this dentist cos the last round the whole drill fell apart in my mouth.

But I decided to go to the 2nd one cos it is quite established. Q&M seems to be everywhere. I booked 2 appointments - 1 for today and 1 for tomorrow cos I figured out with my teeth's condition, I dun think 1 day they can finish (speaking from experience)

I went in shivering not because of the cold. But the fear of sitting in the dentist chair and smelling the antiseptic smell and being surrounded by the metal instruments and tools that would somehow end up in my mouth....

The dentist asked how am I doing. I told her not very good (how can be good when I have to visit her). I told her my problem. I have to have a filling done on my rite bottom (molar) and 1 filling to be done on my left top (last tooth).

She looked at my teeth and told me some grim news. I had to have the left top wisdom tooth removed. I looked at her in shock. I asked if I needed to come back anoother day. She said she can take it out today, now, on the spot. I was like ???????

Ok lor. Please go ahead.

She sprayed some numbing, bitter liquid onto my gums but majority fell on my tongue and bottom set of teeth. Then that BIG FAT NEEDLE came in front of my eyes.

My already trembling hands and body shook even more. Then the needle went in 3 times. After tat, I rinsed my mouth but I felt my body go limp cos I was trembling too much.

Then they told me to take 2 panadols and 1 antiseptic tablet before I did anything else (on an empty stomach) so I just guai guai follow instructions.

Then she worked on my right bottom molar and filled it up without anesthetic (cool rite). So it took her 8mins to fill my bottom left molar.

The dentist was looking at me with a metal tool in her hand and she said not to be afraid - she just wanted to test if my tooth was numbed. Then suddenly the nurse grabbed my head. I was simply terrified. I nearly died cos I tot wat in the hell were they trying to do.

The dentist pushed and pushed and finally my wisdom tooth fell onto my tongue. The feeling was the same when the drill fell apart in my mouth. I asked to keep the tooth.

Then instructions were given to me not to rinse my mouth for the next 2 hours, not to eat hot food for the next 2 hours, not to bite on hard food till the next day, and I had to bite on the gauze hard for the next hour and change the dressing in 1 hours' time.

And I was given panadols and antiseptic tablets for the next couple of days and I only had 1 days' MC and I had to come back tomorrow cos I had more to be filled. The damage - S$145. CHEAP!

Then I nearly killed the taxi driver cos I was already mumbling as I had a gauze in my mouth and he was trying to make small talk and he asked me a question every 20 seconds like how to get to your place, which road you want to take, do you wan me to turn at tis junction, ave 8 or ave 9, IMH side or which side, how you wan to get to hougang plaza, is this rivervale, where to stop, this way also can wat, u sure u wan to u-turn, u sure turn left, u sure 2nd junction turn????...... I SNAPPED at him.

I told him, uncle, I already said HOUGANG PLAZA side. He kept quiet. Then finally when I reached my destination I told him sorry cos I just pulled my tooth tat's why I dun wan to talk. He said oh I didnt understand. USE YOUR BIRD BRAIN LA.

And now I can feel the anesthetic starting to wear off slowly and I really really really really really hope that the 2 panadols I took earlier on starts to kick in......

By the way, the dentist was really nice. She looks like an aunty to me but she really coaxed me like a little kid. Rina is rite - they should send the dentist for psychological courses cos 99% of the people who see them FEARS them. hahahahahaha.

I will be fine, except maybe a little more stupid cos I am missing 1 wisdom tooth = lesser wisdom. Hahahahahahaha.

Life is great!

2008-11-30T15:31:00.003+08:00

Tomorrow will be the 1st day of December. Wow. So fast the year is coming to the last month and coming to an end.

Reflecting on wat I have done for the year. Hmmmm....

Pretty satisfied with my progress in terms of career, in terms of being a housewife, in terms of being a wife, in terms of being a mum, in terms of being myself. Of cos certain areas didnt do well, but on the whole, I felt that at least I have laughed, i have smiled and I have been happy before today.... So on the whole I am quite satisfied.

Of cos there is still room to improve some where. Like I could be a better wife, I could be a better housewife and maybe in terms of personal enhancement - wanted to go study more. I think there are so many places where I can still improve. But no one's perfect.

When i think of the tutorials, the lectures, the nite classes, the tests, the EXAMS.... well I am scared I cannot cope. But its ok if I cannot cope. Cos I dun need to have more certificates under my name to be ME.

I remember my 1st failure. I was in primary 3 when I failed my maths. I think I got 40+ only. My mum's reaction was like???!!!! My reaction was like - well, fail then fail lor. Wat's the big deal? Failing doesn't stop me from doing anything wat. I am still me. :)

Sometimes in life we do fail here and there. Sometimes things are not up to us. We have tried our best but still dun get wat we wan. Its ok. At least I tried. :) And I know that the next time I do the same thing again, I will do better cos I know more now. :)

The world still holds many wonderful things like living creatures, like people who love me and the people I love. Sometimes I get sooooooo stressed by work, by housework and stressed by myself (cos my standard high ma)....... I stop to breathe. I stop to look around me. I stop to remember the beautiful memories I had in my mind. And I can see hope, I can see Love, I can see happiness because I have people I love around me and there are people who love me around me!!!! I have friends, I have family, I have Junior and Terror and most importantly..... I HAVE MYSELF!!!!

It feels kinda cool to be able to entertain yourself. Like playing dota, like playing The SIMS, like playing mahjong, like playing Play station and shhhhhhhh sometimes I play with kenji's PSP too. Heehee.

And of cos caring for others makes me feel good too. When my best friend is happy I am happy too. When my godsons are happy, I am happy too. When my family is happy, I am happy too!!!!!

Everyday I will enjoy myself, because life itself is a journey that needs to be appreciated. All the sweet, sour, bitter and pain are part of the journey itself. If we dun taste the bitter, how would we know the sweet? If we compare, I take something bland I cannot taste the sweetness. If I take something bitter, than take the sweet immediately I can taste the sweetness and forget the bitter rite?

When I feel down (of cos everyone feels down in life sometimes), I will look into the mirror and tell myself that I am great!!! Cos i cannot give up on myself. i have to take care of myself, or else how to take care of others rite? I LOVE MYSELF!!! And of cos I love others too!!!!! *Muacks*

I had a fall in life recently. I was so stressed bout work that my shoulders were soooo tight. I cringed everytime I had to go to work. I didnt want to go back to office to face my boss cos I am so scared she will scream and scold me. That sickening feeling of fear, of feeling down literally stayed inside me for quite a while.

But when i faced it, it didnt look so scary lor. When I faced it, I told myself that its ok. Even if I failed, at least I tried and no one will blame me. Even if someone blame me, just let them say whatever they wan. I dun care! Cos I tried my best!!!! Doesn't mean I fail, I have lost. In fact, I have won cos I am able to look at failure in its face. So now everyday I tell myself to look at it in the face. How bad can it get? The most fail only. Wun affect anything else. Everyone still loves me! :)

So tomorrow even though I need to report to work at 7.30am and work till maybe 9pm..... its ok.... But I need to be a better wife though.... the current wife always come home after 9pm due to work..... need to improve my productivity and come home earlier to accompany Mr Lim hor? Hahahaha. :) Love you all!!!!

Yesterday once more

2008-11-29T01:26:00.002+08:00

I am stressed. I need 300 headcounts for promoters. Yesterday I conducted 40 interviews. Today I conducted 30 interviews. I didnt have time to breathe, I didnt have time to think, I didnt have time at all.

And till now 1.30am, my brain cells are still working. Was it the coffee? Was it cos my brain was working too hard in the day?

And it is in the dark of the night, the quiet wee hours of the morning..... when I let myself relax and fall back into my memories.

Lots of time people say dun look back, dun think of the past, move on. How easy to say so. But how many people actually are able to do so? Parts and bits linger around and pounce on you when you least expect it. :)

The key to it is to really look thru it. Yes I agree that certain friendships, certain people in my life have left footprints in my life. And I do walk down memory lane hoping to immerse myself in the familiar feelings, the familiar scenes, the familiar smile, the familiar laughter, just the familiarity I missed so much.

And yes, I do not allow myself to linger. Because it was the past. And isn't it good enough that the memories are there? People say they regret not having able to continue further memories with this person they love. But I believe, the past memories were good, and the future memories may not be better. I believe, if someone is happy, let them go. Even if it hurts you, you are the only one hurting. At least they are happy. Isn't that good enough?

I am that kind of person where I can create laughter and act like a clown just to make people laugh. But I can also be the shoulder to cry on. MOst of the time I get too involved. But I am growing up and my brain is also more or less matured already (a nice way to put it as OLD). Therefore I think I am becoming like some oldies where they cannot be bothered. :)

I used to think life is good and God is kind and everything's under control. That was when I had everything I tot I had. Now the present me, thinks that life is great!! And God is really kind and NOT everything is under control. :)

Last week saturday Rina was in hospital. I hate hospitals but I hate the tot of being alone in a hospital more. Luckily she is fine now. I had a tot of wat if something happened to her. Wat will I do without her. Made me realise she is really very important in my life.

It is not easy to have someone who cares for you and loves you for who you are. Therefore I treasure all the sincere people around me who cares and loves me. It really makes my day when I have someone i can talk to at the end of the day or anytime of the day when i have problems.

:) I love you bug head Queen Mimi Cow mummy. From your bug no.7 Queen Lala Monkey Bull.

Seriously I am stressed. I can feel the strain of it on my shoulders and back. My shoulders are so tight. I need a massage. And the place I tot of was JB - the massage palour opposite Taman Gardens. I haven't tried that so I dunno if it is good but I shall ask my partner tmr cos she went JB today.

I am soooooo looking forward to the long weekend coming soon. I know I am not going anywhere far but I am planning...... :) I am going to get a new wardrobe of clothes by end of the year!!!

But 1st, I need a dentist cos my tooth is killing me.......

Bored post

2008-11-22T15:42:00.002+08:00

Ah ha.... this time the PMS mood didnt last long. But the irritating feeling is here COS everytime I want to do my laundry and sun them, the sun disappears and the black rain clouds come. So frustrating. I have been trying to do my laundry for the whole week and to no avail.

Well. I think its time to get a washing machine with an in-built dryer. The hot dryer one... yeah!

Counting down my days to december!!!

Master

2008-11-19T22:35:00.002+08:00

Lost in time again. Pondering on certain things in my life. Walking down memory lane.

I used to think that some people put a curse on me. Last sat I went to see a master cos my work was really really not smooth. Smallest issues escalated into BIG issues. Clients with no issues became MAJOR issues.

So went to consult this master. There was no curse, except 2 things that were following me. An old woman and a little boy. Maybe I picked them up at tat big green field with a big tree and a swing.

And I sat on that swing. And I even took photos on that swing.

But in a matter of 15 mins, they went away after the ritual - a ritual that cost a bomb and left me with only $36.82 in my bank account. Hahahhaaha........but of cos I still had cash on me la.

I dun know the old woman cos the description does not sound like my late grandma whom I loved alot. But I think I know the little boy. The little boy that was supposed to be so close to me. Well it happened years back and I dun wan to talk about it.

Anyway, bye to the both of them. Ber is in PMS mood cos "you know who" is here. I'm having backaches and cramps and that sickening, irritating, frustrating feeling inside me. Wish I can kill terror cos she is eating up EVERYTHING.....

Crap

2008-11-19T22:01:00.002+08:00

Went to Pulau Ubin on sunday with my aunt and her friends and the 2 weasels. Aunt was quite surprised that I brought Terror along cos she asked me not to bring her, just bring Junior. How can? Terror is also my kid you know.

Was really tired when I came back. Felt slight twinge of PMS cos "you know who" was due. Had cramps on sunday nite even though "you know who" was not here yet. Was on MC on Monday. Guess when you work really hard for long periods you will get sick easily.

Woke up feeling so deprived of sleep that I didnt want to wake up at all. Then certain things just work their way thru phone calls and sms and I was on MC :) God doesn't make decisions for you. He lets you choose. :)

Tuesday went back to work till Wednesday where I still have 1 big pile of work on my table still unsolved and unsettled and complains are coming in and there are things I cannot make decisions on and HOW? TELL ME HOW?

Certain things pondering in my mind. Fed up with certain things. Like "Do people have the right to take others for granted when people have the right not to be taken granted for".

Crap. This is 1 word tat summarizes everything. Haha.

Speaking the same language

2008-11-02T18:27:00.003+08:00

This blog post is dedicated to certain people around me who have been taking me for granted, ignoring my feelings when they lie, ignoring my feelings when they start to show their temper by banging and throwing things, scolding me, saying and doing stupid things without any consideration to my feelings. Seriously I feel I'm so taken for granted.

I do things with good intentions but I get accused of many things. And I get shouted at, I get banging of things, I get throwing of things, I get fingers pointing at me, I get criticized, I get the blame, Everyone is rite except me.

I dun understand why people raise their voices, throw things, bang things, behave like a crazy person, do and say stupid things, lie, think everyone owe them something, think they are rite, assume and accuse.

And yes of cos I get pissed off and if the intention was to piss me off, you have succeeded and you have also succeeded in making me like you LESS. And I am very adaptable. I will learn to speak the same language and in future we can communicate better by banging and throwing things to show our temper, do and say stupid things, we can lie and take each other for granted. Well. that will be the perfect way to speak the same language rite?

Whatever people can do, I can also do them and I can do even more. So dun force me. My taurus horns have been forced out over the past few days and I am certainly capable of many things.

I realised I have invested so much of my time for my kids, for their dad, for the house and I dun have time for myself. This will change. Cos I will change my priorities and I will not hesitate to have time for myself and I will not give a damn to people who are not worth my attention. These people think they have the rite to do and say things they like, well this is going to change cos I am going to be very straight forward and be very diplomatic and set up my boundaries very carefully. any invasion within my boundaries, I will not hesitate to take action against the invader.

And a note to the people who have stepped on my monkey tail. If there are things I have done wrong, I will reflect on it myself. But certain attitudes, certain words, certain behaviour from people who behave unreasonably, or behave in stupid ways I cannot accept and will not hesitate to remove them from my life.

And if you are still so stubborn thinking you are rite, then you can leave my life if I am not important to you. But there are certain things that are definately unacceptable. Of cos I will not hesitate to leave if unreasonable or unacceptable expectations are required of me, like my job and leaving people around me who dun know how to appreciate me. So if you still treasure me you better know wat to do - either you stay away totally and disappear or you decide on wat you need to do.

BBQ with Junior & Terror

2008-11-02T10:41:00.002+08:00

Yesterday brought Terror and Junior to Seletaris condo where my colleague invited us to gather for a BBQ. Almost wanted to BBQ both of them cos they were making lots of noise. But they were sort of centre of attention cos they were bigger that rats but smaller than cats.

There was another dog which belonged to my boss - Tammy. He was really good boy. He didnt bark, he didnt pee anywhere else except grass, he just sat there and wag his tail when people sayang him. And he was very handsome with his long fine fur and smile. He is a shihtzu. Junior got very jealous of Tammy when i carried him and whenever Tammy comes near and gets attention from other people, Junior will bark at Tammy.

I think inside Junior's dictionary doesnt have this word "Fear" and "scared". Cos he dunno how to be scared and he dunno how to fear. He kept barking at the big dogs walking by and he influenced terror to bark and growl at them too.

The kids shared my hotdogs and chicken wings and we went at 7pm and came back almost 11plus. Very tired all of us.... Junior even had a nightmare that he kept making noises in the morning.

Later we going out again Wat shall we do today??? :)

Wee hours KTV

2008-11-01T12:53:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night went karaoke alone from 2am to 6am at Partyworld. Yeah... alone. The feeling is great cos you get to have the whole bloody room to yourself and you can scream and shout and go off-key and dun need to bother about people minding or not. Went for Karaoke marathon, started the KTV by scrolling from A to Z on the female singers. But 4 hours not enough cos I havent even finished the female singers songs yet, so randomly selected the best hits for the guys.

Wanted to do a Sammi marathon - 20 songs. But by the time I reached there my throat was sore. So sang the normal songs. Think the golden hits were the best cos they were classic oldies....

Had 2 drinks to myself, the whole room to myself, the whole tv to myself, the whole environment to myself, the whole remote to myself, the whole MIC to myself!!!!! YEAH.

Then after KTV went to bradel cos needed to attend Damon's graduation this morning. Damon was really cool cos he can dance!!! Heehee....

Will upload the pics later cos I wan to go sleep now. Good nite. Lucky thing my classes cancelled due to the rain....

2008-11-01T01:33:00.001+08:00

I fEeL sO aLoNe. iTs JuSt Me cOmFoRtInG mYsElF, jUs Me aLL AlOnE. Jus me all alone. The emptiness inside me.......

Ah Ber is strong

2008-10-29T22:53:00.002+08:00

Today I almost cried at work. Tears were welling up in my eyes and I was trying hard to control them. Used tissue a few times to dab my eyes silently luckily it was after office hours and not many people were in the office.

Today I started my day with a heavy heart cos yesterday my boss told me she's taking away one of my projects, in fact the 1st project I worked on when I joined the team. She's giving it to another new colleague. Actually I dun mind this but just within a day, my baby was gone. The things I have built up, the relationships I had with my candidates, everything I hands on with this project, was gone.

And the cruel truth was I had to train my new colleague and go thru with her everything I had learnt from scratch, everything I knew and transfer it to her. I know the supervisor there must be smiling cos she doesn't like me cos I am not obedient and I always fight for my staff's rights and that pisses her off.

I had to rush down to be a receptionist as I had 2 gals down. The supervisor was not very happy about me unable to get a replacement - she was just not happy about me la. Well. So my boss ask me to go down to be receptionist which I will obey. I just sat there feeling rotten cos if I had a choice I wouldn't wan to be there sitting next to the supervisor, next to someone who dun like me.

So I became a receptionist for a while. Then my boss brought my colleague down to undergo training there. I gladly showed her the ropes and reminded her on things that I experienced. With my sincere heart! Cos the 1 hour I spent there as a receptionist made me think clearly. If my team flourish, I will flourish too. I shouldn't take it to heart about such things, even though it is going to affect my gross profit and my commission. I know I have not trained myself to be so selfish yet.

I also had another revelation. I am going to further my studies next year and come back in a higher position and STEP on that bloody black bitch who is the supervisor. I cannot stand her as she is a fake, pretensious, sneaky, cunning, authoritative, BLOODY BITCH. She poach my gals whom I placed there as receptionist and ask them not to go thru me and offer them higher salary if they work for her as receptionist. Wat kind of christian is this? Luckily my relationship with my gals are quite ok. She also questioned someone about sending Halloween biscuits and say that christians should not celebrate halloween BUT SHE WILL EAT THE BISCUITS anyway. Bloody bitch.

Anyway I didnt almost cry over this issue.

My boss wanted me to take on another portfolio. No guidance, no coaching, just ask me jump into it like tat. Well Well Well. Then when I make mistakes she was very fierce to me.

But I take it as she was teaching me la. But I am not happy about the way she teach me. Why cannot teach or tell me nicely must be so fierce? I dun like fierce people cos I think they bully. She can even ask me if I "fu qi bu fu qi" (contented or not) about her scolding me. Well Well Well wat can I say?

And now that I have taken another portfolio (got choice meh?) I am going to get busier and I think my baby plans have to shift to next year or else I will risk a miscarriage like some of them do here.

After everything, she was nice to me again talking about holidays, trips and casual things. I know she dun really mean to be fierce, maybe she jus wan to see me cry or see me intimidated or scared. Of cos I will be scared la. But I wun give up so easily. I am Ah Ber. And Ah Ber is strong. I know I can do better and I know things will only improve. But I need to go to the temple QUICK cos things are getting really bad cos the whole team also not doing very well.

Well Well Well. Too bad la. Tomorrow is another day and I jus count my days and live them to the fullest.

I know kenji was very worried when he called and realised that 9plus I was still in the office. In fact when I stepped into the house almost 11pm he asked if I was ok cos I think my face must be really BLACK. Hahahahaha. I'm ok darling..... Luv you.

Holiday weekend

2008-10-28T20:00:00.002+08:00

Spent a good deepavali holiday over the long weekend.

Sat was spent doing housework and slacking at home on the couch. Sunday Morning Kenji had a sudden urge to have curry rice at Jalan Besar so we brought the kids and ourselves to Jalan Besar for brunch.

After our romantic brunch we went to pet mart to swim. But Junior got attacked by big dogs who tot he was a rat. The big dogs just followed me everywhere and whenever I tried to put junior down they tried to pounce on him and junior tried to show teeth but he had only 1 set while the rest had many sets. So he ran for his dear life.

Mummy had to save him but too late - a big dog snapped him on his neck but luckily his skin and coat is thick. Only saliva and spit left on his neck. Daddy was so terrified that he held terror so tightly.

We decided to go to pet movers cos it's more friendly there. Junior played with the smaller dogs there and he was really happy. But he cant seem to forget coco cos he kept stalking a JRT.

As for Terror, the moment I put her down, she shrieked in terror and desperately ran for shelter and yelped for mummy to carry her. Think she is tramatised by the sunday outing. She refused to go down from my lap and mingle with the other dogs.

After Pet movers, brought junior to visit deedee toto and rusty. Dawn decided to adopt terror cos she is so damn cute!!! Hahaha.... Spent some time with them and then mummy brought junior and terror to botanical gardens for an evening picnic.

Junior barked at ALL dogs that he saw but he liked a MALE poodle. Stupid boy.

After the picnic mummy rushed home to settle them to sleep and go out with daddy to play mahjong and have dinner at Amoy street. I was amazed at the mahjong session cos Ah ber was really fantastic. The luck quite very good!!!!

Monday was spent at home slacking till we went for dinner at spring court at chinatown and went shopping there.....

Today the day was quite ok. Except certain things not very good but on the whole, it is quite good la..... :) Now waiting for yoga class...... Namaste.

2008-10-25T22:37:00.003+08:00

Sunday day out with deedee rusty junior & terror.... 191008

Kuishinbo 191008

2008-10-25T21:44:00.005+08:00

Here are the pictures that I owe Vicky...

The pictures were taken last sunday when we went to Kuishinbo to celebrate Jerry's birthday. In this post you can see the paternity love flowing out from Jerry. He surely has his way with kids and GIRLS OUT THERE - For a guy who likes kids and is jovial and adorable and gentleman and mature and will treatly you with lots of love, please let me know if you would like to know more about Jerry. :) No charge - I will charge Jerry.....

Actually Kenji also has fatherly figure hor....

Lao Gong & Lao Po

4 furkids brought me out

2008-10-21T13:39:00.002+08:00

On sunday, 4 furkids brought me out. Junior suggested that we go to Pet Movers cos he wan to go see pretty mei meis there. Terror was excited too cos she wanted to go trim her nails at Pet Movers as well. Junior tot that since their nails needed trimming, maybe rusty and deedee and toto's nails needed trimming too cos they all cut it at the same time a few weeks ago.

So they pestered mummy (which happens to be me) to bring them to pet movers on the sunday afternoon. Godma (which happens to be me AGAIN) had to wrestle with rusty cos he was too excited to go out when he saw the leash being taken out. Deedee almost fainted from excitement when she heard her leash with the bell. Toto cried and whined cos he was already feeling car sick so Godma decided Toto should stay at home cos Godma alone cannot handle everyone.

So off we went to Pet Movers to get Rusty, Deedee, Junior and Terror's nails cut. After Pet movers, the kids decided to walk around at the Megastore cos they smell food there. Rusty and deedee were sooooooo well-behaved that 2 people commented that they were very very very kuai and good kids!!! But no one commented that junior and terror were good kids :(((((

As time was not on my side cos I only had 1.5hours to shop and cut nails and send them back to punggol, I had to rush back cos needed to visit my aunty at hospital. Brought toto downstairs for a short walk cos he didnt manage to go pet movers and still wondering how to get his nails cut.....

Then after visiting my aunty at hospital and even had my bath at the hospital (shhhhhhhhh). My aunty staying in A1 got private toilet ma. So I brought my clothes and bathed there lor.

I went to suntec for dinner with the TFT to celebrate Jerry's birthday. Jerry was in a happy mood cos he had a kid to play with. Vicky brought her boy boy and I ended up being Gan Ma (also known as Godma - heehee). Isaiah is only 2.5 years old but he can call me soooooooooooo sweetly Gaaaaaaaaaaan Maaaaaaaaaaa. Can melt leh....

Being a Gan Ma is not easy ok, need to feed him dinner, play with him, entertain him and he is very very very very clever ok. He is definately cleverer than me cos I kena con by him a few times like opening my mouth to feed me sushi. Ok, you may think why I still complain when I got sushi to eat. He eats the egg on top and feed me ALL the plain rice!!!! So I say, YOU WIN!!!

Met Mike for the 2nd time but didnt talk with him cos busy entertaining the kid..... sorry ah angie......next round we tok tok tok tok tok ok hahahahahahaa....

Planning to go for a short trip to dunno where yet. Need to have a break....

Tomorrow is yoga day!!!! YEAH!!!!

I am sorry

2008-10-18T18:12:00.002+08:00

It has been a weekly routine for the past couple of months where I will wash the punggol kitchen on every saturday by myself. I will put the dogs in the living room, splash water with floor cleaner and scrub the kitchen floors. Because during the week due to a tight schedule I dun really pay attention to the floors. I only feed and clear the newspapers and maybe mop once or twice.

So saturdays are the days when I have a bit more time on my hands to scrub the kitchen. These 2 weeks has been a tiring and trying week as I have been feeding and cleaning up after them by myself except only on monday when I had help.

I am not inhumane. Even though wed I had yoga class till past midnite I still went to feed them. I am sorry cos I have not been feeding them on a regular basis and they might be thinner than they were before but I really tried as much as I could handle. I dun know wat to say except sorry cos I know I didnt do my best for them.

I am really glad that the daddy and mummy are coming home soon cos at least they have someone to take care of them properly again.

I am having backaches again the disc must have slipped again. But I believe yoga will help me. Maybe I should stop mopping and see if wat happens.

2008-10-18T09:58:00.002+08:00

My 2nd aunt needs to continue her stay in the hospital due to her heart.

Although sometimes she is very stingy and sometimes I dun like the way she do things, but whenever I heard she is admitted to hospital, my heart always skip a beat. I dun like to go hospitals, I hate it everytime I have to go, but I always think how scared, nervous, worried, lonely the person hospitalized is.

No matter how much I dun like someone I realise, actually I still like them and when they get into trouble or anything, I will be there. Just like my aunt, she is the one I always oppose and the one whom I always talk back to because I dun agree with her most of the time. But now when I heard she is hospitalised, I felt nervous, I felt worried because she is my family member and I do not wish for anything to happen to her because I care about her.

Will be going down later to visit her at the hospital.

Letting go

2008-10-17T23:18:00.002+08:00

Last time I realised I didnt let go when memories still flood my brain and emotions still flood my heart. I let myself think, I let myself immerse in the overwhelming emotions in my heart. In other words, I let my mind and my heart control myself.

I smiled when I tot of beautiful memories. My heart ached when I tot of the sad memories. My emotions went on roller coaster ride because I am not able to control them. Then I tried to stop thinking. But when the tots came and the feelings came, they all came together in a big bang cos they were suppressed and they all attacked me together. When i am hit by them I cannot breathe. I am helpless. This feeling became my best friend. I became so used to this feeling that I yearned for the feeling. i actually yearned for this heart-wrenching, racked with pain, sadness and desperation, a feeling for need, a feeling to be wanted, a feeling of lost.....

I never knew wat was happiness because I was too focused, too deeply rooted, too familiar, too used with the sadistic feeling. I just wanted to feel pain. Because I was hurting so much. I wanted more hurt so that people will start to empathise with me, they will start to notice me, pay attention to me, sayang me......

But I will not gain respect or love from them. Because they are just pitying me.

Meanwhile the world still turns and the clock still runs. I knew I had to let go. But it took soooooooooo damn long. It didnt take me 5mins nor 5hours nor 5years. But I am free now. Because most importantly I did not lose myself. I can lose everything. I can lose love. But I cannot lose myself. Because if I lose even myself, no hope liao, gone case liao.

I no longer bask myself in the familiar feeling. When tots come, I will smile because I used to have love by my side. When tots come, I will smile because I know I have let go and I will smile because I know I am happy and I am able to face things that come into my path. When th unhappy tots come, i will smile because I tell myself its all over now and they can no longer hurt me.

Smiling is better than crying. Cos tears will blur your vision. Smiles can light up your life. Try it. Go smile at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are good, you are beautiful, you can do it, You are You, And I LOVE YOU.

Trust me your day will be better from this day onwards.

Ok. ah ber is really really really really tired cos I am blabbering nonsense already. Cant be helped cos ah ber in writing mode today and cannot stop leh..... but i enjoy writing these things cos I feel PMS has lifted away from me!!!!! Thank you for my period today.....

Good Nite, Wan An.

Naming the poem contest

2008-10-17T23:04:00.002+08:00

If you want to hurt me
Make sure you cut it through the vein
Let the blood run free
Because I will feel no pain

It took me a long time to heal
And i always wonder why
It took me a long time to feel
As I look up into the sky

Because I never let you go
It was me holding on
Because you would never let me know
How you cheat and con

I told my heart
I do not love you
Each time memories tear it apart
I realised our time's due

I lost you by my side
I knew I can no longer hold
Part of me died
Part of me grew cold

But I moved on with my life
Because you were no longer mine
Even though initally things took a nose dive
My happines I started to find

I am past the time I rush to care
I have other priorities set
Come and test me, you I dare
My happiness, my life, my future, met

Ber 171008

Ok this doesn;t really make sense but given the stress and the the fatigue and the sleepiness weighing on my eyelids, I think its fairly good. I just suddenly would like to write a poem and I cracked this out within 10mins so i think I am quite good already.

Naming the poem contest - who can give a good name to this poem wins a dinner from me.

Blabbering nonsense

2008-10-17T22:13:00.004+08:00

Been very tired these past 2 weeks. Realised that to be kind to others is to be cruel to yourself. Today I went back to office finally after 2 weeks and joined the rest in team building activity tht started from 6pm to 9plus. My colleagues all find me very alien cos they have not seen me in weeks and I am really outdated with wat's going on in the office. But I really enjoyed myself cos I like these activities that are fun and I love to participate in these things.

And it was really worth it cos our team won 1 contest which has a payout of $500/- and I am getting a share of $50!!!!! Yeah!!!!!! We won the award to be the most united team!!!!! Yeah Team 1!!!!! Feeling so happy cos got to have fun and they have buffet dinner too!!!!!

I signed up for the yoga class on Wednesdays at bradel so every wed I have excuse to leave office early!!!!! ;) Every wed i going to swim, Yoga and eat and sleep. hahahaha.

Had lots of talks with kenji the past week discussing about things. Glad to know he is seeing things my way and standing on my end.

Looking forward to my long and far overseas trip this december but not very glad that its gonna be during christmas time. I made kenji promise to buy me turkey, shephard's pie and christmas dinner there. He needs to have christmas tree, wine, christmas present (but not from china one ok) for me too.

This is the 1st year I am not celebrating christmas with my family at bradel. Feels so weird. Feel got no christmas spirit. But I am still going xiamen cos its so cool to go with my hubby ok. I am looking forward to it in fact!!!!

Had a misunderstanding with Rina last week but glad it is ok now. Mum I am not angry with you. And I love you very much. And I am not drunk when I am typing this!!!! :)

Been stressed over work but when was I NEVER stressed?? Hahahaha.

Some people say that friends tell you what you NEED to hear and those who are not really your friends tell you wat you LIKE to hear. Not true la. I have a friend who scolds me, who criticise me, who tells me wat I should do - all supposingly for my own good. And in the end I decided I dun wan to see her again. Cos I believe in my own life. My life not the same like yours doesn't mean its not good. It could be better cos you do not how to enjoy life given the way your life is.

She has 2 kids and she expects that I should have kids and blah blah blah blah - she said that when I bought terror means I not going to have kids and blah blah blah blah. Who the fuck she is to criticise me? I love dogs but doesn't mean I dun love kids. I wan to strangle my godson sometimes but doesn't mean I dun love him and doens't mean I wun consider having kids. She really pissed me off with this sentence and thanks to this sentence I told myself I am not going to meet up with her in the next 2 months and I just called off the dinner this week cos I cannot be bothered to meet up with her. Why should i subject myself to torture and cringe everytime I am suppose to meet up with her?

On the pretext that she cares and concern about me, she will wan to meet for dinner. Actual fact everytime we meet she is the one who talk most. She will grumble about her husband, grumble bout her mother-in-law, grumble when we tell her things (like the case about terror). She like to boast about her kids, boast about how much the hubby loves her by giving her money and buying her things and boast about her successful weight lost and good facial recommendations. All cos she wan to hear us praise her for good skin and say we envy her.

And I dunno how my other friend can bother to entertain her. She jus kaypo about my life to see if my life is better than hers? Or she just flaunt her LVs in front of me. I was seriously so tempted to buy myself an LV cos I wan to shut her up. But then I decided NOT to buy LV. And if she's gonna ask me again why I didnt buy the LV I said I wanted to buy..... I jus gonna answer her that why I need to spend this bloody amount for 1 stupid bag when I can buy 10 bags with the same amount of money and keep changing my bags each time? If I dun have money, I will buy lesser bags and save part of the money. But If i no money can I eat the LV? She say can re-sell cos got value.

I certainly dun wan to go to that stage when I am forced to sell my LV to feed myself. So wat type of status LV will bring you? Will it bring you money? Nope. Will it bring you love? Nope. Will it bring you hope? Nope. Will it bring you bread? Maybe lor.

I am not against people who buy LV. I think LV brand is very nice, prestigious and high-class. But cos she is holding on to LV that spoilt the brand. She thinks having LV she is high-class. I tell you bitch, if your attitude can win people over, that is high-class. You are low class without good attitude. You dun even know how to treat your friends properly. Wat fuckin class do you have?

I do not respect people who treat friends lousy. Cos your friends are the people in your life, the people you turn to when you need help, the people who are nice to you, the people who love you. So I do not respect people who do not know how to treat friends properly. If you do not know how to love your friends, then you do not know love at all.

And I hate selfish people who only think about themselves and everything about themselves. if you are so great, why are you here? Go mix with the stars la. Even stars get criticised when they start getting a bad attitude. So attitude is very important in our lives. A good attitude can bring you very far in your life and your attitude is the key to survival, the key to a good life.

Ok, I am very shag today that is why I am blabbering nonsense.

I read kerin's blog and she mentioned her grandma in hospital. Hope grandma get well soon. Hope my aunty get well soon too cos she is in hospital today too.

Good nite.

Next post shall be a poem....

De-stress

2008-10-13T17:25:00.002+08:00

Today has been a frustrating day for me.

Early in the morning people fly my kite. Then I meet people with water in their brains who are stupid to the max. Then I meet rude people who portray bastardy behaviour jus cos they are MEN they can speak louder and think the gals get scared. I am not scared, I am just disgusted at your behaviour. I think you will cry if i put you 1 day in receptionist position.

Really so damn pissed off today but stupid and rude people. And I am stuck elsewhere and I have to face my mountain of work when I go back dunno when. This week is madness for me cos Wed and fri have activities at work and thursday I have my own activity and i dun have time to do my work properly and I DUN HAVE TIME TO myself.

Thank God Deepavali is coming and I am so looking forward to the public holiday. On a happier note, I found out that 10 of the public holidays in singapore next year will fall on LONG weekends!!!! Only 1 or 2 is mid-week.

So people, start planning now on your holidays for 2009!!!

Later I am going to de-stresss cos today has been a stressful day. I am going to swim properly, have sauna and do a bit of yoga at the club. Cool rite? I am going to enjoy and destress myself later so that tmr I can face more challenges.

Yeah!!!!

Bad mood this morning

2008-10-13T10:01:00.002+08:00

Today I am not in a good mood.

My recept informed me 1 hour before she was due to report for work that she is very tired and dun wish to come in the morning. Wa, make my blood boil cos how to find a replacement in 1 hour time? Luckily I have standbys on hand and 1 of them is able to make it, not before I gave her a piece of my mind.

And I have to do recept duties today too cos another recept who promised to come back to work today suddenly cannot make it on sat and how can I find a replacement on SAT????? I am very tired with this game of hide and seek.

I have mountain loads of work in the office and I have to pay back watever I have not contributed to the company as a recruitment consultant while I am doing my recept duties. I am very stressed. I need a long long long break from work.

I seriously need to consider flexi working hours and working environment. I do not want to toil away in the sun and sometimes rain while teaching swimming. I love my job as a recruitment consultant but the work load is killing me. I need to do something that I enjoy yet it will not kill me and can give me loads of money. Hahahaha. Do not ask me to be a housewife or tai tai unless my hubby gives me loads of spending money per month. I think I wan to be 2nd junior cos he is the most fortunate dog that I know of so far. Hahahahah - HAO LIAN.....

I came across 2 people with water in their brains whose actions piss the shit out of me this morning. They speak perfect english but they cannot understand simple instructions and mumble their replies when they ask me something. They seem to NOT know how to handle situations and jus push everything back to me. I seriously suspect they have water in the brain. Could it be the result of too much studies?

I dunno why but today everyone seem to get on my nerve. I am seriously stressed and depressed this morning. Hope the day gets better.

Sun-filled sunday!!!

2008-10-12T02:50:00.002+08:00

Had dinner with the TFT today at Jalan Besar. Just last sun I went there with my family but cos the food is good thats why I went there again. My family's not in town except my mum cos they went travelling to Sri Lanka. Sent them to the airport last nite around 9plus.

After dinner today wanted to play mahjong but no mahjong today cos we gals chose to talk and interact with each other. Had a nice talk with the TFT gals and realise that I know them better now.

Junior and Terror are excited tomorrow! Cos they are going to the market together for the 1st time. Tomorrow Mummy (which is ME), is bringing them to the market where they can witness me buying them their favourite LAMB.

Nanny's coming along too and I am going to cook lunch for the whole family at bradel and also my whole family at sengkang. :) It shall be western food ok..... Nuggets, Sausages, Fries for the kids? For the adults, hmmmm, still not too sure what to cook. maybe they'll just eat the same la. Pa will be very happy. Hahahhahaa.

After lunch we'll be going to Pet Movers cos Daddy wan to do shopping for the kids. Yeah!!!! Its family day and maybe we'll bring my 3 babies - erm on 2nd tots, Jared has exam soon so maybe not going...... hmmmm see how....

Ok better go and sleep cos now 3am already and need to wake up 7am tmr!!!

Good nite!!

Fishmonger - SeLL FiSH

2008-10-08T22:48:00.002+08:00

This afternoon I received a SMS from someone that jolted me out of my sleepy afternoon mood. Soneone who wanted to kill herself. I wanted to write something philosophical and was thinking about it on the way home in the train.

Then later in the night I saw another SMS with more cuts.

10 years back I had a friend who did that to herself. She cut herself, fine lines on her wrist - she bled on her wrist, I bled in my heart. The plaster on her cuts never seem to cover the wounds in my heart. She cried over someone that was breaking her heart, I cried over the cuts that I saw.

I dun understand till this day why would people wan to commit suicide, or rather, mutilate themselves. I read articles that say internally they hurt so much that they cut themselves up so that they focus on the hurt externally and internally they wun hurt so much. Wat rubbish. If really internally you hurt so much that you cannot live anymore then go and die.

How many people suffering from pain from cancer, from sickness, from poverty, from diseases unimaginable that they really wished to die because they cannot take the pain anymore. That is why God invented Euthanasia - Mercy Killing by injection of lethal drugs that make you die. You can even choose the day the date the time you wan to die, and in the comfort of your own surroundings surrounded by the people you love and the people who love you. Its a dignified way of dying.

I dun think it looks dignified the way you cut yourself or do things to your body just because of a broken heart, or just because you feel like it, or just because everyone else is doing it. You are responsible for your own body and watever you do, you yourself have to answer to your body.

If someone choose to drink till their liver hardens, or smoke till their lungs turn black - let them do it, cos its their body. But of cos it becomes my business when the smoke is affecting and killing me too. And if the person's drinking and smoking and killing themselves result in being a burden to me, then they are being selfish because they simply think its their body and their life - of cos if they die, its good. But if they dun die or die halfway (stroke or paralysed or coma etc), who becomes their caregiver? Isn't it selfish of the people who do things thinking it wun affect other people but in actual fact they do!!!

And I am a very transparent person. So I expect transparency in return from the people around me. Its ok if people around me, my friends and family refuse to tell me things or keep things from me or lie or hide the truth from me. As long as I am kept in the dark, as long as I do not find out, as long as I do not know - its ok to me. But once I find out, I will get mad.

If anyone of you decided you have lived enough or do not wan to continue with your lives, please take your neccessary actions - make sure you get it done properly so that I will not be bugged with suicides SMS anymore. BUT before you action, think about it. Think about the family and friends that you love and who love you. You are here on earth for a purpose. You are not here just to DIE - you will definately burn in hell if you do that. And if you choose burning in hell, if you choose slicing yourself, if you choose killing and mutilating the BODY that your parents gave you, if you dun treasure the body that you bath everyday, touch everyday, see everyday, then it is your choice.

I think people who give themselves cuts on themselves are cowards cos they cannot face reality. They are confused and not sure what they want. They want attention. I wun give attention to people who slice themselves anymore because it is stupidity. You cut yourself for attention? Are you a piece of ART? Wat do you gain from doing all tat?

I can empathise if you are feeling down, if you are depressed, if you cry - all these are venting outlets for your emotions. But I can not understand destroying your body as a venting outlet for your emotions.

Maybe I do not understand. Maybe I was not in your shoes. Maybe I have never been there before. Maybe I have not walked the treacherous roads that you have walked. Maybe I am more blessed. Maybe You have your point, your own views, your own thinking, your own way of doing things. Maybe cos I am not YOU. Maybe you should make me understand - CUT ME UP THEN. *faintz*

Whatever you wan to do, go ahead. since you are so selfish to only think about yourself and not bother the feelings of people who care about you, then I shall be selfish and not care too. Why should I get stressed up and worry and wonder for you, ponder for you, get upset for you, get angry? I am just going to be a fishmonger - "SeLL FiSH"

PS: I am not encouraging people to commit suicide. Doing that is BAD. I will never push someone down when they are going to jump off a building, I will never push the razor harder on the wrist to cut the artery totally. Its your life - treasure it so that you can continue further. Its your choice for a better or miserable life.

3rd post for today

2008-10-06T14:11:00.004+08:00

This is my 3rd post for today cos i am really bored. But I seriously dun mind working here cos nothing to do compared to office where my work is sky high..... Although parking is really ex.... I parked for 3hours + last week and kena $26/-!!!!!!!!!

But at least I can google stuff, I can MSN, I can Blog...

hahhahaha. My colleague here even ask me to play games lor. I am not so bad la. I will stay off games even though I dun mind playing warcraft if there is.....

I am just so bored la. And I have to stay here till 6.30pm. Hurphhhhhh!!!

I started my day at 6plus am when I received an sms from my recept here telling me she will be on MC. Then I had no response from another recept so I rushed down pasir ris at 8am to take a look. Luckily she turned up or I'll skin them alive cos they are friends.....

Then I had to park tortilla back cos its ex to park him in raffles place.

Sianz..... There's like so many things I wan to do now!!!! Like go shopping, go to the beach, go clubbing (not really, just saying for the sake of saying), go drinking, go eating, go holiday, go sleep....etc.... SIANZ.....

I dread going back to the office cos I have not been back properly for the past 1 month - been floating around raffles place and pasir ris.... and so many updates i dunno, so many things i dunno, so many changes i dunno..... die die die die i will only die when i go back....

Today lunch due to me eating alone, I find it difficult to book place so I just ate 1 spring roll and half a bao. I ate them while walking back to the office and by the time I reached, everything's digesting and now I am hungry already...... still got 4 hours more to go!!!!!! How????

Today since its my good sister's birthday, I shall go eat with her at Kushinbo with all her kakis.... :) I am seriously counting the time..... cos I am damn hungry now.....

B.O.R.E.D.

This sunday i have to book my timeslot for my kids cos so long i didnt bring them out swimming and interacting with other kids.... junior miss coco and brandy badly. I wan to get greenies for the kids, and other mum mum for the kids too.....the 3 furkids' food is running out again... so must go get more....

I am sure there'll be a 4th B.O.R.E.D post later..... see ya later again hahahahahahaa....

KL trip

2008-10-06T13:14:00.002+08:00

Ah ber had 2 cups of kopi already. Cos too bored. They dun have milo here. Just coffee, tea and plain water. I hate plain water.

But I am excited cos I am planning another holiday..... this time to KL. Yeah!!!! So happy!!!!!

But hor, like bringing so many lightbulbs along hor? 2 person go on a lovey dovey holiday, she invited ah ber, ah ber invited kenji, rina, ed, jakes, jared, damon, ryan...... ermmmmmm. A bit too much hor? NVM.... I promise you I will not disturb you. The most I will book genting hotel ok.... hahahahahahaha......

But my son and daughter have to go hotel cos no one will look after them.... Sianz. Daddy jus said the kids will be so sad. Cant sleep, Cant eat cos didnt see daddy who will rub their tummies, kiss them, entertain them and spoil them rotten. Daddy called them his spoilt brats.

hahahhahaa..... Can anyone responsible help to take care of my spoilt brats for 3 days 3 nights? Jus need to bring junior to the grass to pee and shit twice a day - he can also pee everywhere in the house as long as there's a pillar and he can shit anywhere in the house where its open space (eg, near windows, in the kitchen...etc). Terror just needs to be fed twice a day with milk and biscuits and someone to clean her pee and poo twice daily after her meals. So troublesome hor?

Help me..... I am B.O.R.E.D almost to death already here....

Ah ber is bored - I am always bored

2008-10-06T10:39:00.002+08:00

Ah ber is bored.

Saturday was a wonderful day cos we (Rina, Jakes, Jared, Damon, Ryan, Kenji and myself) celebrated Lena's birthday at JB. Kenji drove tortise in and I drove tortilla in. Kenji and Lena reached Taman Sentosa 1st cos he is the God of Cars. I arrived shortly cos the food already nicely on the table and I dun need to wait- hahahahahaa....

On the way there on the expressway got accident and amazingly on a sat evening around 8pm, got no jam at the causeway. Where did all the people go? Maybe they all went in earlier in the week to celebrate raya hor....

We arrived and Jared had to scream over a cockroach. I tot he saw a rat but he was screaming and hopping and jumping over a cockroach!!!! HAhahahaha....

We met up at the hawker centre at Taman Sentosa and I had flowers from Kenji!!!!!! So sweet!!! My fav blue roses - thanks darling.

We had cereal crayfish, pork ribs cooked in guiness stout, the flattened chicken, bitter gourd seafood soup, vegetables, salted egg crabs!!!!! Yummy!!!! And not to forget my fav famous drink. Didnt take pics cos I was busy eating.... If you wan to know more, I can bring you next time.....

After eating we went to danga bay where we (the kids only - Jared, Damon, Ryan and ME) played at the stalls for prizes and i let them have 1 go at the bumper car. I wanted to go too but I was afraid my back cannot tahan.

Jakes and Lena and Kenji was drinking and watching soccer and listening to songs while we were gone.....

Ryan was soooooo sleepy so we drove back to sg......

Came sunday and the devadasons were sending Jakes off to the airport to Gold coast where he'll be having 1 month's reservist training. Went to have popeye at the airport and after sending him off, I went to my aunt's house where my 3 aunts kidnapped my 3 year old niece and brought her along to sim lim square while I bought some cables and they fussed over her like she is a baby.

Nana only came along cos she is interested to see junior and terror ok.....

We met up with Kenji and my parents at jalan Bersar to have dinner at the famous Chao Ta Bee Hoon place where Lao beng brought us before..... The food standard is still as good.... and very nice!!!! Kenji brought my kids along and nana was sooooooo fascinated lor!!!!

After dinner dunno why my mum wanted to go to the beach so we went to east coast beach walk walk. Nana walked junior the whole time and i think junior bully her cos he was leading her to go places and she cannot control him and she just followed him everywhere.....

Nana also pushed terror's pram and she was simply sooooo happy that she is willing to exchange her younger bro for Junior. My god!!!

Ok, ah ber is bored......

Good or bad friend

2008-10-03T19:58:00.002+08:00

I dunno if i consider myself a good friend or a bad friend. Maybe I am really that bad cos I didnt even know that one of my friends is in a R/S. Maybe I am really that bad that she didnt want to let me know!!!!

Haha. Maybe I will nag alot like a NANNY and no one is as patient as my SON to listen to my naggings. :)

Hey gal, Maybe due to work, due to family, I dun always sms or call or go out with you anymore. But I seriously treasure the past times we shared together be it tears or laughter. You have grown up and should have a good life after all that you have gone thru. You are like a sister to me and I sincerely wish you all the best in your new love. Trust is very important. Although your trust has been weathered thin the last few years, its a different guy, a different start, a different story, a different ending. Everything is brand new. Give yourself more confidence and give it your best shot. Your Kakak here support you!!!!!

And to the guy who managed to weave himself into the heart of my sister:
I have never met you, spoken to you, understood you but thru my sister's eyes I can see the sparkle that was once lost. And I trust that you will take good care of her, support and honour her, be there for her and always love her - all because she trusts you and is willing to give you, give herself and give this r/s a gamble, a risk she has never tried to take in the past years, a big step out of her shell. I wish you all the best and I am really looking forward to meeting with this man who is so capable with my kakak.

And to all the singles out there who are still waiting for love:
Good luck and try looking beside or around you cos love always lukes around.

To the couples:
Give and take and be happy with each other.

To the families:
Get MAD!!!!! Play like there's no tomorrow!!!! YEAH!!

Ber has a slip disc

2008-10-03T19:37:00.003+08:00

Ber has a slip disc. I have been having backache at least once a month for the past few months. This time was really painful till I cannot bend down. Even walking a short distance makes it ache.

So I went to the chinese sinsei.

He said my 4th and 5th disc moved. He termed it as "slip disc" in western medicine point of view.

Been undergoing massage therapy, acupuncture, "Ba Guan" daily since monday. It is improving but still sore and achy sometimes. When people are old their bones and organs and everything start to crash.

Hahahaha. But my mood is still high. Cos I am nua-ing at home.

Hahahahaha......

Old and New

2008-09-27T20:26:00.002+08:00

This week ah ber's mood is quite ok. Busy but I feel good. Stressed but I feel good. This week was a historical week where I completed the sale of my tampines flat and completed the purchase of my sengkang flat.

Yes. I am the proud co-owner of my 5 room sengkang flat together with my darling hubby kenji. Tat nite, as I laid in bed I finally had the feeling that the flat is mine.

With the tampines flat closed, I think I closed another chapter in my life. Mixed emotions inside me about my tampines flat. The most expensive thing I ever owned in my life. $472k. A maisionette which I have never spent a single nite inside before. I used to wonder how would it be to stay inside the maisionette, make it my home, a cosy place I can call home and return to at the end of each day.

Each time I passed the flat on my way to other places. I would excited show and tell to the people along-side of me that I proudly owned a unit there. If I was alone, I would glance upwards where I could see my balcony.

My maisionette has 3 bedrooms upstairs - the master room is huge and all the other bedrooms had built-in cabinets. I have a total of 3 toilets, 2 upstairs and 1 downstairs. There is a small store room upstairs and all rooms are fully aircon. The floors are all parquet, including the staircase.

Downstairs, there's an area for a visitor lounge when they enter. The dining area is huge and you can put a 8 to 10 dining seater. The living area has a balcony and you could put in a garden table and have breakfast there. You could comfortably put in a sofa of quite a good size and still have walking space.

The kitchen is country styled and very well-kept. The service balcony can put 3 washing machines and my laundry as well.

That, was my dream house. Now, it isn't mine anymore. Feels kinda sad to lose something that belonged to you before. But....... if I didnt lose this, I will not have my better one!!!!!

My current house - IT BELONGS TO ME FINALLY.

Situated in Sengkang, it is very near to hougang and serangoon where my friends and family are. It is also 15mins to bradel and a straight road down to bradel.

My living room is really damn huge and there are 2 sofa sets sitting in my living room - 1 is a L-shaped sofa and 1 is a 3+2 seater that is of quite good size. I have a plasma TV that is like 42inches??? I have cable for all my favourite channels (except Zone Reality cos it closed down) and everyday is like movie-day for me when I watch my TV.

I have a balcony that has a 4 seater dining table sitting there where my friends and the gods of gambling gather to play Da Lao Er (Dai Di) and it is also a smoking joint for smokers with a huge ashtray. My plants and hamster also stay in the balcony and there is also a rack of clothes there cos we have too many clothes and cannot squeeze all into our cabinets.

I have 3 bedrooms where 1 is the guest room but currently terror is staying there. It is turned into a mahjong room when the goddesses of mahjong comes over and "Pong" and "Eat" and "Gang" and "Hu" (Win). In tis guest room, our play station is also stationed there and this is the favourite room of my godsons. ahhahahaha.

The next door is the study room where kenji will spend his time fightin the 3 kingdoms and this is also where I use the computer to type this blog post now. Hahahhaaha. My lappy is outside in the living room and I will fight my warcraft or control my SIMS outside with 1 eye on the TV. :)

My master room is my favourite room in the whole house cos I SLEEP there. Hahahhaha. Junior sleeps on the master bed with me and daddy.

All my rooms are parquet floored and I find it not very dog friendly.

The best part of the house is my kitchen cos I normally put my heart and soul there cooking for my friends and family. My laundry is done there too cos my kitchen is quite big too. i am going to install a bath-tub in my common toilet and spa there everyday. Bath-tub is here but I am waiting for the renovations to the toilet to be done and also the installation of a new storage heater cos I think the current electrical heater cannot tahan the usage.

My storeroom is also very big and I have a queen and single mattress in there and a huge 3 layer rack and a comote and some other things such as the spa machine and the aromatherapy oils and The kids' pram and other things and I can still walk around there - see how HUGE it is.

Ok, enough of my bragging. Let me brag abit la cos I am so happy ma....... Sorry la. :)

Think the happiest is junior and terror cos they can run around the whole house like mad..... :) And I chase them around the house during play time - I think I am mad too. hahahahahaha....

Ah ber is feeling down

2008-08-30T23:54:00.002+08:00

I think the current working people have lots of stress. Besides being stressed by work, they get stressed when they do not have enought time with their loved ones, they neglect the kids due to work, they work and yet do not earn enough.

To me, work life kills all joy. It killed my joy in having evenings when I see the sun set. Everyday before the sun rises here I wake up to darkness. While on my way to work, it slowly rises to light the day. I can see the skies from my window just beside me in the office, but how often do I actually look at the sky?

I leave the office often without the chance to see the sun setting. I leave the office in darkness as the sun has long gone down and the creepy night comes along. It seemed that I married my job rather than Kenji.

Juggling work is not easy. But after work I need to do housework, I need to wash the clothes, I need to sweep and mop the floor and wash the toilets and kitchen and other things. I need to tend to the kids too - clean them, feed them.

Then I can have some time with the TV watching shows for about 1 hour before I cave in to exhaustion at 12plus everyday. The whole cycle repeats itself everyday from mon to fri and I am lack of sleep, I am starting to feel the stress and I am frustrated with my life.

Besides this, I have sooooooo many bills to pay that I am on the verge of screaming. Wat in the hell am I working so hard for? To pay bills?

From a simple life, I have to re-focus on being sales-driven and fight hard for my commission. I have to find the energy that was used to be in me years back. I wonder where it went.

I sat down today and went thru all my unhappiness. And I realised a few things - could be I am not contented and wanted more and that is why I am unhappy. Could be I am not feeling appreciated, feeling taken for granted for by lots of people including JUNIOR and TERROR. I love my kids, I love my hubby, I love my friends, I love my family.

I think I just needed simple things like a smile, a hug to cheer me up. I also need retail therapy. I need time alone to touch base with myself. I refuse to think that age is catching up with me and I needed change. I am still me, maybe slightly older, but still useful and workable and the old me is still here. I think i just needed to take things easy as certain things are not easy to change as it is.

M&M here I come. Coke here I come.

I think I need a list of my favourites and whenever I feel down I will pull out the list and pick my choice. Heehee.....

Going to tioman!!!

2008-08-26T22:51:00.002+08:00

I am soooooo looking forward to this weekend and next weekend.

This weekend I am going to re-do my outward bound together with the Team Fat Tigers. 2 weeks ago we went to try the outbound course but i only did the 1st course as it was threatening to rain and we had to stop.

Really really hope that this sun it will not rain and not too sunny as well.

So excited wan to do the climbing of tree and swinging and flying fox across the resevoir. Yeah!!!

Next weekend is going to be FANTASTIC too. I am finally going to some place that I have been yearning to go for the last 7 years. Last time I wanted sooooooo badly to go to tioman but no one wanted to go with me or no time to go. But next weekend I am going to go tioman!!!! YEAH!!!!

And I am going with my crazy part of the family Mummy Rina, D, Jakes, Michelle, Jared, Damon and Ryan. So we surely gonna have crazy fun over the weekend!!!! Going fishing, going snorkelling, going to try diving, going to trek to find the waterfall, going shopping, going island hoppping, going picnic, going suntan to get back my nice nice inner chocolate colour......

So i am actually in holiday mood already.

So exciting lor!!!!

Junior's 3rd birthday

2008-08-26T22:43:00.002+08:00

Celebrated my baby boy Junior's birthday yesterday. Oops. he is no longer a baby!! He is already 3 years in dog years and 21 years in human years.

Brought Deedee, toto and rusty to celebrate his birthday but his darling brandy and coco didnt come cos their mummy couldn't get a cab that is willing to pick the dogs. Terror for the 1st time saw so many dogs coming into her territory that she started howling and barking like mad cos she felt threatened.

And luckily rusty didnt kill terror or junior. Hahahahahaa.....

Sunday I brought the kids to the championship show. Next year I would like to enrol junior for the purebreed championship event cos he is like a royalty - tat is provided junior you dun grow above 3kg and look fat and ugly! ahahahahaha.

Terror brought on lots of squeals "she's so CCCCCCuuuuuutttttteeeee!!!!" "She's sooooooo Smmmmmmmallllllll!!!!!!" Hahahahahaha. So proud mummy ah ber. Terror's actually very pretty and sweet and if you look at her in the sunshine you can see her face and eyes and nose and mouth properly. If you look at her in the dark you might have problems seeing her la....

I love my boy and girl!!!!

"Xiao Ren"

2008-08-26T22:13:00.002+08:00

Today wasn't a very good and smooth day for me.

Well. Life's like tat. Think as long as you do try your best and live health and proper, its the best you can get. Just try my best.

A fortune teller used to tell me that in my life, there will be "xiao ren" meaning there will be people in my life who will irritate the hell out of me and harm me. Last time, I refused to believe it as the only time i was upset was with friendship and I tot my friends were my "xiao ren".

Now I know that the people around me, the people who LOVE me, are not my "xiao ren". How can they be "xiao ren" when they love me and care for me? I realise now that the "xiao ren" that was supposed to be in my life, appeared in my career. Not my colleagues and boss, but the clients and candidates that come through me.

I am not racist but I curse that indian bitch who goes behind my back and stab a few knives in my back. No wonder you are fat and ugly and have a long tongue that you cannot keep inside your mouth properly. She's the fattest bitch I ever seen. I seriously think she is 150KG. And if it was 10 years back, ah ber would have boiled you in bleach and turn you white colour. And God forgive me for cursing you cos you are one of his own and you behave like the devil.

Some people wan to have certain level of authority in their lives and wan to have certain say in their work. Fuck off la. You dun control me and I dun owe you.

This indian bitch tries to poach all my girls who are at the client's place and keep asking if they like to be handled by agency or by her. Who wan to be handled by you as your management skills SUCKS big time. And dun need to try ways and means to get to me and try to save your big fat ass from trouble cos I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU HAVE DONE behind my back.

When people stick to you, you know its because they are loyal and they like you because you are true to them. Since that doesn't happen - go reflect on yourself why people dun like you. Even if people PRETEND to like you is because you are the SUPERVISOR, not because they would like to forge a friendship with you.

I am trying not to step on your tail cos you are half the client (cos you dun make the big decisions). So dun step on my tail cos if you do, you are in deep shit. I dun retaliate doesnt mean I am a coward.

It just means tat I cannot be bothered to kick your fat ass cos I am lazy.

Tomorrow will be another fine day for me I hope. Stay away. Stay Far Away bitch.

Bad week & very bad weekend

2008-07-27T01:24:00.003+08:00

The past week has been a roller coaster for me.

And this weekend is a nightmare for me.

I'm angry and pissed over somethings that I heard that I shouldn't have heard because it really upset me. All over a project that I have really worked hard at. I have heard nasty things and I feel really upset over these people's doings and the things they have said. May God punish these people for the things they have said and May God punish me for things that I might have said too.

I dunno who to talk to regarding these things. I tried telling people around me that I am really stressed at work. But no one understands. Everyone is asking me "Are you sure?" "Think Carefully." "Dun make a wrong decision". And 1 idiot was even telling me I was a job hopper. Do I fucking look like a job hopper to you? I'm in this bloody job for coming 8 months and I am NO job hopper idiot!!! Some people around me just kept quiet. Although I appreciate that you leave me to make my own decisions but at least show me some sympathy can or not? At least acknowledge that I AM TALKING TO YOU.

I am stressed cos I'm totally new to this industry and I dun have much knowledge and proper guidiance. I was almost on my own when I entered this industry, away from the office in some cold and far away place. Not all people have been kind to me, but of cos there are a few that are really nice to me. Of cos I survived cos I am a survivor. But doesn't mean I should stick to this place when I am so stressed and upset.

Yes I love the job but I dun like the work - Hahahahaha.

No one can offer me solutions because they are not capable of doing so.

i am thinking of throwing in the towel, but I have made some friends along the way and I would still like to work with them and be friends. And the stubborn taurus is finally coming out - I am going to try and try and try and try and never say die till the end. We'll see who has the last laugh - I bet I'll have it (cos if you win, I jus laugh at my own stupidness Hahahahaha).

You know when you are depressed, certain previous memories and certains roads you have travelled, certain people you have came across, will come into your mind. I realise that the mind is a very dangerous yet wonderful thing.

It can capture all the beautiful memories, the worst pains remembered when your heart broke - really wonderful. And when I am down and out, I remember these things, these times, these people. Goes to show how deep I either love or hate these things, these times, these people. So I told myself to keep the bad memories out so that I will not be depressed further. And I am indeed feeling better.

I guess I cannot control wat people say, do or think. As long as I control wat I do, say or think, I will be fine. Dont need to be too bothered by people who wan to hurt me. Cos there are many people waiting to love me. Junior is one of them who is now sitting down by my side and looking at me with lots of concern in his eyes. Daddy is sleeping but Junior doesn't wan to sleep cos he senses that mummy is not feeling too good. Where can I find another simple, innocent happiness like this? Where else can I find someone better than Junior who only knows how to love me and not hurt me or not love me? Junior always love me no matter wat. Same there as God. I know.

So God, please send me a miracle. Thank you.

PMS

2008-07-21T00:45:00.002+08:00

"The higher your expectations, the more you get disappointed".

Humans are all the same. We all expect more even when we have the basics - we can never be contented. When we see other people having the same things, we still think that theirs is better. Comparing will never end and the greed compelling you to compare and want more, will only drive you crazy.

For the past 2 weeks, I am down with PMS + depression due to work. Feel that I simply do not want to wake up to go to work. Feel that simply not enough time to finish my work. Feel that I cannot breathe when I wake up.

I get depressed thinking its sunday because the next day I have to work. I get blue thinking that its friday cos monday is around the corner. I didnt know that recruitment has sooooooo much paperwork and data entry to be done. i also didnt know that I have to make sooooooo many calls and incur so much expenses in my enthusiasm to perform better.

I look at my house and the mess (not really a big mess) and I get stressed cos I simply am too depressed to do housework.

Then Rina came to visit me on friday. The thought of someone caring and bothering about me, made me feel better immediately. Sat came and went, and I managed to lift my depression a little and tidied the hall. Now I am proud of my hall.

I am also able to get outdoors and do some shopping today. And I bought a new jacket for myself that I tot was quite nice. And my depression diminished. I am in fact looking forward to face the challenges tomorrow at work and cross my fingers and hope that I get lucky and things go well. I hope no one sms me in the morning and tell me they are on MC or else my spider legs have to come out again.

You see. I am doing outsourcing and for outsourcing terms, there is a need to have someone there under contractual terms, so when someone is on MC, I HAVE to get a replacement within 2 hours if not I will get a penalty.

There are some people out there who are really irresponsible. They promise to turn up and yet they report sick. For those who report sick last min, they are already 50% responsible when they INFORM you. I have candidates who DO NOT TURN UP AT ALL. And there's no sms or call from them at all and after a few days, they claim to have misunderstood or fell TOO SICK to inform you.

Seriously I get really pissed off with these irresponsible people. They promised and they broke their promise. And I will seriously consider ever using them again. I do give 2nd chances. But when I keep giving them chances and giving them opportunities, I feel like a beggar when I keep asking them and reminding them to turn up.

So I decided not to ask anymore. I am no beggar. Things work 2 ways. I help you and you help me. If you are not going to help me, I am not going to ask you to do so. There are many people out there who can do the job besides you. At any time I can go into the job and stand in for you. Then why is there a need for you anymore?

These people need to learn to be responsible. They need to know that they have made a promise and they should fulfil it.

The past 2 weeks are a difficult time for me. I tried my best to be as routine as possible and try to focus on stuff but its difficult. At least certain things keep me going - my babies and my god daughter Deedee, godsons ToTo and Rusty. Seeing their innocent faces and loving licks makes me feel better at night, no matter wat challenges I face in the day.

Although i have been going over to their place to feed and clean them up all by myself almost everyday, all thanks to Alan boi and the gang who do try to clean up and bathe the furkids weekly / or at least once every 2 weeks.

And I decided to try to sleep by 11pm everyday cos I know my depression also stems from lack of sleep. Heehee. And I think my period's due today or within the next couple of days so I should be able to get off chocolate soon!!!!! YEAH.

Hope everything will get better tomorrow. Good nite.

My baby gal had a fall yesterday

2008-07-14T21:06:00.002+08:00

Yesterday My baby gal had a fall from the bed. I was changing her when she rolled off the bed. Luckily she is ok, except there was a slight limp in her but now its gone when I massaged her both legs. She didnt even cry or anything. She is really a TERROR.

Only 2 months + and she behaves like she's mad. Wonder how will she be when she grows up.

Junior cannot stand her cos he's jealous.

Well boy, you gotta get used to it.

Me also sprained my rite knee tendon (not due to the cycling ok - I already felt a pull before I went cycling yesterday) and today was supposed to be on MC but rushed to work cos 1 of my projects got problem. Sian. MC also cannot rest properly.

Dun have time and energy to blog. Cos always so tired after work and either busy with Warcraft or cable or housework or my 2 kids or sleep.

Will try to keep the spiders from coming by to spin cobwebs again. Shoo spideys....

WAKE UP PEOPLE

2008-07-02T23:14:00.002+08:00

Being a recruitment agent, I have interviewed many youngsters for holiday jobs and have come across many school leavers without a proper education cert. I wonder why these people dun bother about education anymore.

Is it because their parents have been too nice to them and these people's mindsets are they can always and forever depend on their parents or get a rich husband or wife to marry and have a comfortable life?

These people who dun study properly and get a proper basic cert ('N', 'O', ITE, Diploma...etc) will find it difficult to get a proper job in life and move forward in life!!

Your parents have high hopes for you when they gave you life. They nurtured you, fed you, made sure you grow well, gave you knowledge, supported you, bought the things you liked for you - THEY LOVE YOU! Do you know you are being very selfish by not studying hard, by not being fillial to them, by not being able to support them in future when they have given you almost everything that is the best for you!!

Friends may be important and they may influence your life and you really like to hang around with them, but when trouble comes, who stick with you? Who offer you advice? Who help you settle things? Who still love you no matter wat happens? YOUR PARENTS!!

And if you are between 15 to 20, your parents are not getting any younger. They would have slogged their youth away just to support you, just to buy you that toy you badly wanted, or that Play Station or PSP or MP4 player that you really wanted. Things that they dun even bear to own themselves - yet they try their best to provide for you.

So isn't it rite that you study hard and try your best for their sake? I am fed up with looking at resumes that state "Sec 4 - Not completed", "Secondary 3 Education". Its not that I am anti these people, just that the society out there requires certification - NOT ME.

I am just anti these people who break their parents' hearts because they are selfish and are so centre-minded that they focus only on their own difficulties and cannot see how much effort, tears, heartache, money, hope and LOVE that their parents put int for them since they came into this world.

To these people, I say, WAKE UP. Work hard now and you will not suffer later in life. Its better to suffer now a bit and study for a couple of years more rather than to suffer the next 20-40years working like a cow and paid peanuts. And worse still, your parents suffer with you as they get old and you are unable to provide for them properly. So you better wake up now and start somewhere in life.

And Ah ber is back!!!

2008-06-29T21:37:00.002+08:00

And Ah ber is back!!!

I am now Mrs Kenji Lim, and enjoying every moment with my darling Kenji and our son and our daughter who is due to come home next week. Just saw my baby gal at the nursery and her hair's still patchy but her eyes were telling me that she is mine and she wants to come home with me. But baby gal, hang in there, mummy's gonna bring you back next sunday alrite?

I know my blog has lotsa spider webs since 02 May 2008. But got so many things to do so didnt update my blog. And I thank my dearest friends who still look into here to find out how Ah ber's doing.

Nope, I wasn't dead or anything. And I wasn't putting all my time into making a baby and my internet access and electricity wasn't cut or anything. My computer didn't crash. I AM JUST VERY LAZY. Hahahahahhaa.......

My wedding was fabulous!!! All thanks to the Team Fat Tigers (TFT), my dearest Lena, Cadrina, Jesslyn, Anna and all my friends who attended our 80 tables wedding dinner. Thank you very much to all the people who attended the wedding, all the people who helped out to make things smooth, all the people who took great care of me before, during and after the wedding, all the people who cared and blessed us, all the people who LOVE me yet had to see me give my love to Kenji instead of you (hiak hiak hiak) - a BIG BIG THANK YOU to all of you!!!

SOrry ah, Ah ber had a hangover ........ till now. Joking la. More than 1 month liao still hangover really no standard la. My colleagues said I was mad - I was drinking like a fountain. Hahaha. It was my big day ma. Everyone must be happy. I am the host so I had to go around toasting everyone. I still think about the whole event and it never fails to make me smile!!! :)

I am still in honeymoon mood heehee. Hope this honeymoon mood will remain till long long. Hahahaha. And I am not drunk when I am writing this post. It was really terrible being drunk!!! I was puking red wine and Gordon Bleu and Martell.

But everything was worth my hangover. Because I was the most beautiful person on earth that wonderful nite. And the most "幸福" person on earth from then till now.

Stay tuned for the next post cos I will be putting up photos. Heehee...... hope wun have spiders anymore.....

The last spider just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

The last spider just crawled past.....

2 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:35:00.003+08:00

2 spiders just crawled past.....

3 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:35:00.001+08:00

3 spiders just crawled past.....

4 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:34:00.000+08:00

4 spiders just crawled past.....

5 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:33:00.006+08:00

5 spiders just crawled past.....

6 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:33:00.005+08:00

6 spiders just crawled past.....

7 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:33:00.003+08:00

7 spiders just crawled past.....

8 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:33:00.001+08:00

8 spiders just crawled past.....

9 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:32:00.001+08:00

9 spiders just crawled past.....

10 spiders just crawled past.....

2008-06-29T21:31:00.000+08:00

10 spiders just crawled past.....

Ah ber on cloud 9 today

2008-05-02T15:50:00.002+08:00

Woohoo!!! Just pop by to say hi!! Hahahahaahahahhahah!!!! Ah Ber is in good mood because 1) period is over. 2) I just closed 2 deals. 3) My birthday is coming. 4) I am going holiday. 5) I am getting married. 6) I am going to be Mrs Lim. 7) I just took a look at my wedding photos which are still freshly sitting in my tortilla NOW - they are gorgeous and I LOOK BEAUTIFUL. *proud*. 8) I am pretty & beautiful. 9) My son is handsome. 10) My Lao Gong is the BEST. 11) I am the most *xing fu*, most lucky, most contented, most loved, most envied person by myself. Hahahaahahahahahaah.

Pardon this post cos I am on the clouds - floating too high up liao - give me a chance to Hao Lian can or not? Anyway this is MY blog - so I have the biggest say here. Hahahahhaahahaha.

Ok, can stop liao - dreaming and floating too high can kill one. Heehee. Anyway Ah ber is in very very very very very good mood today. I keep smiling for no reason after I collected my wedding pictures at 2pm. Heehee.....

Birthday Rants + Work

2008-05-01T13:53:00.003+08:00

Been very busy these past 2weeks. And I am confirmed going out of Singapore for my birthday!!! YEAH.... So this year I will celebrate my birthday at one of my favourite places with some of favourite people!!!! YEAH!!!!

I am soooooo looking forward to my birthday!!!

And past 2 weeks I have been working really hard cos I am going to be officially back to my HQ and officially going to have a new job scope and new title.

The day before yesterday I was very happy cos I received my new namecard and I was really delighted and shocked cos I didnt know my boss ordered for me! Then I closed my 1st deal!! Although not very smooth but I was really happy!!! Then I was named tops for having the lowest MC rate (cos my MC was on unpaid so not taken as MC - heehee).....

Then yesterday I closed the 2nd deal (thanks to my other colleague who left the company). My colleague already sent the resumes out but she left already so I just followed up with the company and managed to close the deal. Yeah.... and my new gal starting on friday. So I am very happy!!!

Then yesterday I finally finished booking for my birthday trip!!! Finally I am going overseas!!!! Although I cannot join my aunties at holland or my mum at shanghai, but I am going overseas with my H.U.B.B.Y and my son's Godma!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will miss my son but my son will be well taken care of by his nanny!!!! YEAH!!!!!

Rants

2008-04-15T20:23:00.003+08:00

1stly..........Happy belated birthday to Winnie!!

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to Winnie..
Happy Birthday to you!

Sorry I remembered your birthday on the 12th, but I was really busy so..... I hope its not too late.

2ndly, I am really busy at work, trying to do my 1st placement. I really have no time for other things especially gossip in the office - there are some people who are already so experienced that they have time to bother about other stuff in the office other than work.

I seriously envy them cos I dun seem to have enough time, I stay back almost everyday, trying to finish my work and yet I still cannot finish my work almost everyday.

And sometimes i wonder who really can understand and appreciate me. Cos I feel I am taken for granted for soooooooo many times. I am expected to be understanding yet I am not understood. I am expected to appreciate but am not appreciated. And people have the rite to get angry when I am stating the facts, while i cannot get angry because......... of wat?

There's no one to share with me the feelings, the burdens, the challenges, the joys....etc etc etc.

So bloody hell I have to take in all the shit and everything and maybe challenge myself to see when and how big the explosion will be. Or I could jus call it quits before the end of next month. Maybe its just like tat and people will always be like that, jus like man will always behave like man.

Where is the "we will work together", "we are in this together" - where's the partnership? Where's the assurance that I am not alone?

This is not the ideal life that I wanted and I am freaking unhappy. Why do I have to put up with nonsense. I also dunno.

Work work work work

2008-04-11T11:24:00.002+08:00

My project at chai chee is confirmed to be ending really soon, earlier than I expected. The contract was supposed to be till October, but this month chai chee side trying to wrap up the project.

Good for me cos I dun need to come to this alien land. Bad for me cos I have to start a new job scope altogether. And suddenly they jus announced that we have more targets to meet. Shit.

I get very stressed when they talk about targets. Not that I cannot hit targets, but its something that bothers me and its something that hovers above me and restricting me. And there are so many things to do. Now I secretly wished that I could stay in chai chee. But I dun like the HR people here so actually I am stuck again.

Bo bian lor. Got to try my best lor. I give myself 3mths. If really cannot, then I gotta look for something else la. At least now I have more skills to my name which I can be proud of. I can do payroll, I can do HR, I can do recruitment (yet to be proved). So I dun think I will die of hunger.

Seriously I am really quite satisfied with my basic liao, but this is my tot now cos I have not tasted the sweetness of getting the commission. Hahaha. Its very similiar like rental. I jus need to find and match and maintain the clients and candidates.

I hope that my clients and candidates will be good to me. Only then can I really feel I fit into this industry. I am cutting some of my classes again so that I can concentrate on my new job scope. I wan to try my best!!!! I know I can do it if I wan!!!!

Yesterday I stayed in office till 9plus, not cos of overloaded of work, but cos I was very stressed as they announced the new targets yesterday. I was trying to go thru the SOPs to determine the best way I can reach my target. Had discussions with my boss and my colleague and they all seem to be so confident that it could be done lor. Die la. Really die la. If I cannot hit my target, maybe soon I will be kicked out also lor.

Sian....

I had a jab on my BUM

2008-04-07T11:00:00.002+08:00

This morn I went to see the doctor. No, its not keng-ing MC. And its not because of mahjong yesterday. Heehee. My foot didn't feel like my own this morn. When I got up from bed, I couldn't stand at all.

I tot maybe it was cold and my foot needed some massage to warm it. So I dragged myself to bathe and used the warm shower to warm it abit. It improved a bit, so i brought junior downstairs for his morn walk.

Then I felt my foot throbbing like the tendon was going to burst. I quickly lifted my foot up to alevate it. The throbbing stopped.

Whenever I put my foot down and when the bood started flowing down to it, my whole heel would throb with pain. And its not that kind of numb throbbing. Every throb is like someone stabbing my back of the foot with knives. Its worse than the after-numb, pins poking effect when your leg is lack of blood flow to it. It felt like knives poking me into the back of the foot.

So since I was stuck in the stupid morn traffic jam on the CTE, I detoured to my family doctor. And yes, I was driving cos I didn't think I would survive to the MRT station. My foot felt better with me sitting down and pushing the accelerator rather than standing and putting my whole body weight on my poor foot (coming to be both feet already).

Talking about my family doctor. He's actually a very nice doctor. But ever since I was using the green company medical card from my company and I only pay $5 co-payment, I could sense the difference.

Today I jus had to ask him why the difference cos he opened the door for the 5 people in front of me and when it was my turn, I had to open the door and hop my way in. And there was this gal in the queue 2 heads behind me and she was on company's card too and she had to open the door herself too. The one directly behind me is private consultation and the doctor opened the door for her!!!

The way he attended to me was not different, but the information he gave me was so much lesser than the previous times when I was on private consultation. So I JUST HAD TO ASK HIM out of curiousity.

He told me he can only prescribe the medicines on the insurer's list and the other more expensive medicine he cannot claim. And he will only be able to claim lesser than certain amounts and there were some admin and other fees to be deducted from his claim AND THE CLAIMS only come back to him in 4-5mths!!!! That is why the treatment is sooooooo different lor.

I told him, if there are any medicines that can make me better, I dun mind buying it under private consultation. I guess he must have known that my condition was quite serious cos its not the 1st time he's treating me for this condition. So he gave me a jab when I asked if there's anything else he could do to help me.

He jabbed me on my BUM. The liquid in the stringe measured 3.5cm on the indicator and the needle was soooooo long and it stung abit when he pushed all the liquid inside me but It didnt hurt as much as me standing on my foot.

I seriously suspected that wat he gave me was a mild sedative and muscle relaxant and pain-killer all into 1 jab. Because now I feel like I am very relaxed and mildly sedated and the pain is gone and I AM SLEEPY and my whole body's muscles are somehow starting a strike cos they feel heavy.

It's starting to feel like a chore to finish my typing of this post. I wonder how long will it be before this effect wear off cos I still need to drive tortilla home. Damn doctor didnt tell me about the effects!!

Now they took away my phone

2008-04-04T16:04:00.002+08:00

On monday they took back my room.

On friday (which happens to be today), they took away my desk phone.

They jus simply told me that later they will get the IT guy to take my desk phone away as they have new staff coming in on Monday and they require my desk phone cos they have a shortage. And they mentioned that anyway I will be in on Fridays only so contacting via email and my HP is not an issue.

Well. I really dunno wat to say except Ok lor.

And yesterday I was still telling my dearest good colleagues that I am returning to the "dark" side. And I told them that maybe I wun have my chair...... ahahahahaha. Glad that my desk and chair are still intact and dunno when they are going to take more things away from me. Hahahahaha. Luckily my lappy is provided by my own company or else I really have nothing. Hahahahahaah.

I dun feel sad this round, I dun feel upset or angry or humiliated.

I jus find them amusing. Hahahahaha. Its one of those things that make my day cos it tickled me. Heehee.

And everyone thinks I have nothing to do. I have taken on new roles ok. And I am busy..... of cos I need a break then I sit down and work on my blog a bit la. Am I not entitled for a break? You can ask the people who MSN with me, I dun reply very fast sometimes cos I am busy leh.

And people here also amuse me lor. They laugh at me indirectly telling me that now I am not so alone/lonely cos now I move outside, no more room. I reply them YEAH. Now so many people around me really not so lonely lor. They kena stunned lor, as if they expect me to be affected lor.

Aiya, affected a while lor, then will bounce back one wat. You think ah ber forever depressed one meh? Anyway last week also I PMS cos its that time of the month ma..... of cos a bit mood swing la. Now finish already still PMS then very serious liao lor...... luckily I am not PMS queen lor. I am Monkey Bull Queen Lala..... haahahahaha. I am very stubborn one. So stubborn that my horns are sticking out liao.

Here not all the people are bad la. Some of them quite good and nice, especially the philipinos. They (especially that guy) always offer me things to eat, things to drink, sweets, crackers, fruits, chocolate, cakes..... heehee.....

Ah ber's mood is strangely good today.... hmmmm. Must be the M&Ms I had for breakfast. Hahahahahaha.....

My birthday

2008-04-04T14:01:00.003+08:00

So fast its April. Next month May is so filled with events that I am overwhelmed.

And this year I have decided that I shall spend my birthday overseas. Initially I wanted to go to Holland to see the beautiful tulips with my family. Then I decided not to, cos they were going to go for 3 weeks and I dun have so many leave to go with them and by the time i'm back, its going to be 1 week left to my wedding.

So I decided to go to my favourite places, maybe Genting, maybe BKK, maybe KL, maybe bintan, maybe Batam. Maybe I shall jus book a room at Rasa Sentosa and spend my birthday in relaxation.

Or maybe i should jus spend my birthday doing the things I love most, maybe KTV, maybe lazing on the beach, maybe fishing, maybe a massage, maybe shopping, maybe EATING. hahaahahahah.

I know definately the people I love most will be celebrating my birthday with me. Heehee.

My birthday falls on SUNDAY!!!! And its mother's day. How I wish junior will call me mummy. I have 1 day birthday leave which can be taken on fri or mon so that I can have a long weekend. YEAH. So who is going with me and WHERE?????????

If no plans then I shall bring junior to sentosa. Heehee. Then we can spend mother's day and my birthday together......

Please lend me your support

2008-04-04T10:35:00.002+08:00

My stint at Chai Chee will soon end and I am now back to my HQ 90% of the time. And I am now officially doing recruitment.

Therefore, anyone who requires a job, please contact me. I have jobs in various industries ranging from IT, to Customer Service, to Admin, to engineering, to technical, to recruitment consultants, to almost everything except deep sea divers, and some other niche positions (which will be handled by my professional branch), whether is it Temp, Contact or Perm.

I am doing more on.......... you guess? Hahahahaha.

I'm doing more on Customer Service positions. Heehee. Fits me to the bill cos my customer service is NOT BAD rite..... I am customer oriented, I provide good service, I am AH BER. YEAH.

Similarily, if you know of anyone or company who requires recruitment services, please do not hesitate to contact me or forward me their email and contact and I will try to fight the best price for you for our services, whether in Temp, Contract or Perm. Please quote your name if you refer someone to me and I make sure you will get a treat from me if I successfully serviced the people you referred (Bribery hahahahaahah - no la, if no reference I also will treat my good friends one rite......hahahaahahah)

Being a global MNC, we have more than 5000 offices in 78 countries now and we are still expanding. We have serviced many major global, regional & national clients in various industries world wide, region wide and nation wide. And 100% of Fortune 100 companies work with us. We screen our candidates very carefully to ensure the best are recommended for our valued clients.

Therefore, please give me your guidance and support for my career as a recruitment consultant. I will try my best for you regardless whether you are a candidate looking for a job or whether you have immediate recruitment needs.

Want to know more? Leave me an email.

I am humiliated.....

2008-04-01T09:03:00.003+08:00

Yesterday they dropped the bomb on me that I need to move out from my cosy, comfortable room with effect from today, 1st april 2008. And it was the HRM who walked into my room and spoke to me nicely at around 4pm. So I guess she was not cracking an early April Fools joke.

Luckily I had already half-packed the last round they dismantled my table. So I re-packed and this time I was doing it with a vengence, meaning I was really working hard at it. By 6pm, everything was packed. I am going to bring back most of my stuff to HQ cos its useless to keep so much stationery and stuff here cos I wun be here so often now and I am only left with a cubicle and a table, just like everyone else around me.

This morn I was assigned to a table outside and I am sitting together with all the other ground staff. I have a phone tat is unworkable but at least i still have my mobiles and lappy and I still have my dignity. So I should be happy that at least I still have a damn table and even a cubicle that is about 1/5 of my storeroom at home.

There are some curious stares at me when I moved out my pedestal and stuff. I must have looked like I was being chased out of my big, comfy room. Or in the movies, there should be security guards escorting me while I moved my stuff - hahahah I watched too much movies. But I jus calmly moved my stuff (on my pedestal) and sat down and re-arranged my stuff and got up to get a coffee and sat down to attend to my emails and work stuff.

Even till now people still stare at me when they walk pass. I give them 1 week to stare. When the week is up I will stare back at them. I shall be nice for this 1 week only.

Definately I feel humiliated and insulted that I am a HR advisor and they are treating me like I am like the other staff here. Ok. Never mind. My days here will jus get lesser and I need to re-focus to do other more important stuff than to sit here and pout and get angry and get upset.

Yesterday I had already prepped myself by telling myself thousands of times that I still have my integrity and dignity with me and that I was not "demoted" by any fault of mine. I am trying my best to be nonchalant and happy go lucky and Chin Chye and Bo chup and act cool. And I am sure the tons of M&Ms I popped into my mouth yesterday helped lots.

My boss is definately concerned about me and my wellbeing, but luckily I am Ah ber. If it were any other of the gals I think they will jus flip over and leave. I guess I am still quite strong and surviving. Dunno if it's because my skin is thicker? or issit too thin that I dun feel any skin anymore?

Never mind. Today I shall jus pretend I am one of the ground staff and learn from them. They look very hardworking and very busy. I need to bring my smartness out soon and work smart.

And I jus realised that my back is facing one of the bitches' room. Haha. She must be tasked to watch wat I am doing but all she'll ever see, will be my BUTT.

Seriously, my confidence has taken a hit cos I feel affected by this HRM's decision. But I also accept it cos I have no choice and also cos the guy who took over my room deserves my room cos he is the Deputy Manager on the floor. Wat am I? I am only the lowly piece of shit here. I was not treated like part of their own staff from the start and I of cos wun expect them to ever treat me like I was part of their family. Frankly I dun give a damn about it. Being part of their family is not wat I wan cos it sucks...

Ok, I take back wat I jus said cos there's this very nice ground staff who jus offered me a piece of fruit cake. But I declined cos I cannot take fruit cake, although I love it very much, i dun wish to break out in rashes after eating the fruit cake. He's a very nice philippino and he also helped me once when I had to push the big box of records to and from the storeroom.

This little piece of humanity warmed me up abit but still cant shake the feeling of being demoted, humiliated, insulted off me...... Why I cannot be arranged to have a desk inside their rooms or any of the rooms here? I am management / executive level you know!!!!!! Correct or not? Frustrated or not you tell me??????

Their own people here are moving into their own rooms and having their own place to call their own. But I am here with a table, a cubicle amongst everyone else. Throw away my title and give me a new title like them pls? At least I feel like one of them!!!! Its not that I dun like the other staff, but there are some people here who dun like my company cos they are pro their own company. And they dunno the facts so they think that the problems are started by my company....... So anytime I might just get stabbed in the back lor, now since I am so open and defenseless. I need to get a mirror so that I can see who's behind my back ready to stab me.......

That's it. I'm gonna spend my whole afternoon chewin on M&Ms.

My honeymoon

2008-03-31T16:22:00.002+08:00

Everyone's asking me where I am going for my honeymoon. Well. I dun mind going to BKK again cos its the 1st place me and kenji took aeroplane together and of cos it brings back many good memories cos fishball and kerin and jeff and jasmine all went together with us. So I seriously consider going to BKK, until i saw this...................

http://www.awana.com.my/microsite/apm/romantic.htm

Wa lao. I wan to go for the sunset cruise lor. It has this net that drags in the water and you can have jacuzzi in the sea lor. But I dunno if kenji will get bored if he goes with me alone lor. Hahahaha. If he goes to bkk with me alone also very bored. Cos I will be shopping all my time away. Hahahahaaha. So we stick to original plan to go Pulau Ubin for honeymoon lor. Hahahahahah. At least junior can still entertain him. Hahahahah

I still have many places that I would like to go.

I wan to go to the 7 wonders (or more) of the world. I have been to the great wall of china already. I wan to go negara falls, taj mahal, leaning tower, pyramids....

Seriously I wan to save lots of money to go eygpt to take camel rides and go to the desert and check out the pyramids. I wan to go japan see sakura in april and climb mt fuji. I wan to go USA - Los angeles and GAMBLE. I wan to go Korea and re-enact the Winter Sonata show in the snow. I wan to go south africa and see the safari, I wan to go to the amazon river and see piranhas..... I still have sooooooo many places to go......

Vivian Tan..... remember you said you will bring me there ok..... dun forget.....

White armour

2008-03-31T15:52:00.002+08:00

Very reluctantly I had to come back to chai chee today afternoon as I had to deliver the resignee cheques and payslip. My colleagues (my own people) were telling me that even if i carried a shield, it would not be enough too.

So I wore a white armour today as well.

Too many things that happened during last week that left me speechless. And some of them were not my problem, but suddenly became my problem. And I found the root of these problems.

My feng shui is no good.

I changed places to be nearer to my team at IP and I chose the table nearest to the outside jus beside my other lady colleague. And the feng shui there is really SHIT. Once I sat down, the problems came non-stop. And they were not minor problems, they were MAJOR problems.

Problems that were not mine, suddenly became mine. And problems I dun anticipate, came about, and problems that were minor, became major. And problems that were major, became unstoppable.

I tried shifting my tray, my phone, my lappy and almost everything on my desk and around me, hoping to find the good luck angle. But I really had enough when things went really bad. I jus wan to concentrate on my work and do my things properly. But there were sooooooo many disruptions and distractions that I was really upset about.

So today I told my boss I wanted to shift again cos my direction was really no good. I chose another place where another 2 monkeys sat next to me. YEAH. If its good for them, should be not bad for me. Although the place was taken by another monkey earlier on and she complained that place no good, I believe I can do better.

So I moved all my stuff to my new place already.

And it worked a bit. I came to chai chee in the afternoon and someone smiled at me even though she didnt received her pay yet (not my fault though). And I went to my room and found that I have a table!!!! YEAH.

So I guess that the new place brings better feng shui to me. Rite choice to move. YEAH.

So for now i shall hide in my room and mind my own business. Then my luck will come. Hahahaha.

Been busy the whole of last week, will be busy from now on cos I am taking on new responsibilities and new job scope all together, while still minding my previous job scope till it really finally ends at the end of the year.

I know I can do it. I know I can hit my target for sales. I know I am capable.... God bless me.

Junior nearly died

2008-03-24T15:09:00.002+08:00

Last week I was invited to KL for Nuffnang's pyjamas party by one of my good friend cum FAMOUS blogger cum good sister (the hairy one) but it was a pity I had to choose my wedding pictures on sunday therefore I was unable to make the trip to KL.

Damn, I was really regretting not being able to be there personally cos every blogger is talking about it. Xiaxue, Dawn Yang, Kenny Sia, Kerin and the other bloggers were there IN THEIR PYJAMAS!!!!!! So cool rite!!!! I think its high time I put Nuffnang's ads on my bloggy so that I might be able to get invites like this again in future and also earn a bit a spare cash (that would be if I am bothered enough to go and find out HOW TO DO IT).

The weekend that jus passed jolted me out of my dream. Why?

Cos Junior nearly died.

Why?

It all happened on sat when I was cooking and cleaning in preparation for my 2 special guests over for dinner. I picked up a small insect from the floor that looked like a bee. And it felt like a bee too as it was soft and furry and it had wings (I cannot remember if it has stripes though).

I tot nothing of it.

Dinner passed and my 2 guests went back at around 9pm and I went to shower. Junior came into the shower with me and SHOWERED with me. A rare sight. Normally he would charge out of the shower whenever he had a chance while I was bathing him. I knew something was wrong with him but I didnt know wat.

I tot his Godma scared him jus now by chasing him all over the house.

But it wasn't. It took another 1 hour before we finally knew wat was the problem with Junior. Kenji looked into his face at 10.30pm and nearly screamed into my ear - Junior's left eyelid was very very very very swollen like a gold fish. Suddenly my mind went blank. I was soooooooo scared. Wat if his airhole closed up, Wat if he fell and hurt his brain, wat if he was goiing to die?

We quickly bundled him into the car and the F1 racer raced us to Mt Pleasant Hospital. I seriously prefer Mt Pleasant over James Tan. And Mt Pleasant shall be our regular vet from now on cos of the professionality the people showed there and I am pleased with their services even though my 1st foot into the clinic already cost me $128, excluding the medicines, excluding GST. But I dun mind cos At least they dun come to the reception looking like they have jus woken up.

The doc was very friendly and nice. She asked wat happened and before she could ask if I knew the culprit who did this, I told her about the insect that I found. And it was indeed a bee. Junior has this habit of going after these flying creatures and playing with them, and killing them.

She dripped a yellow liquid into Junior's eye to ensure that there were no cuts in it and his whole eye became GREEN. He looked like an evil gremlin. Pictures are not uploaded yet, I will upload them when I get home cos my office lappy is locked and I cannot upload any stuff on it to prevent corruption of the files in it.

And she gave him 2 injections.

1st one went into his skin. He didnt even flinch. The 2nd one, according to the doc, was very challenging as it has to go into the muscle. I was asked to hold his shoulders and she jabbed him hard on his rite chicken leg.

He cried sooooo much. My heart was so painful cos my baby boy was crying so much..... And he was whining and shivering after the jab.

Junior was given 5 tabs of cold tablets (the same ones that I take when my rashes comes looking for me). Total damage came up to $156. Well, daddy paid for it. Thanks daddy!!!!

Junior was supposed to be conquered by the injections and get very sleepy. Instead he was stoning the whole journey home. He fell asleep briefly and he was up and about his usual self, jumping all around and sittin on my face all that in 1.5hours time. The swelling also disappeared.

Lucky for me, he didnt die. I dunno wat I'll do if junior leaves me.

But he always scares the shit out of me. And I think this time he was really scared too cos his shit the next morn, was green in colour and no, he didnt eat the green liquid that was in his eye. I guess he was really scared and worried cos he didnt feel rite that was why he stuck soooooo close to me - he was trying to tell me somethin was wrong with him and wanted me to manja him.

Jus that I am a careless mummy. I didnt even know his eyelid was swollen and I didnt even bother to go talk to him or anything like tat to make him feel better, instead I still brought him for injection on his chicken leg. But it was for your own good darling.....

At least now he's better and can show attitude and bark and show his fed-up face when I woke him up on sunday to check on him. Hahahaha..... My son..... is really...... amazing..... Sometimes I feel that he is half human cos he understands wat I am saying. hahahahaha. But its a pity he will never be able to call me mummy. Never mind, I will train him from now on..... Maaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....... hahahaha.

Ah ber is obviously unhappy

2008-03-20T10:52:00.002+08:00

Ah ber is obviously unhappy. How can I be happy when my work station at chai chee is going to be dismantled without informing me? The people here are bitches.

1 month ago, one fine morning, the 2 ladies sharing the same room as me, jus packed up everything and moved over to the other room, without informing me, without notifying me, without a courtesy note. I have been all alone in the room since then.

After that, a few groups of contractors came into my room taking measurements, choosing colours and took down notes.

Then this morn, the contractors came in with the biggest bitch here and told her they will start to dismantle the tables on tues afternoon, jus about the same time when I am back to HQ.

This bitch is so rude. So wat if I am not your staff, so wat if I am not under your fucking payroll. I am more than happy, in fact I am delighted that you are not my boss. Cos you are screwed up from top to bottom. Apparently this bitch does not know wat it means by being KIND, and COURTEOUS or RESPONSIBLE or GRATEFUL. After all that my HQ has helped her, she is turning her head and biting the hand that fed her and bridged her to where she is now.

I dun request or expect that she takes responsibility as someone from the higher-level management to make me feel less alienated, I dun request that she likes me, I dun request that they ask my permission to move or dismantle my things. I dun request she be grateful to me for helping her settle some of the toughest staff issues. But I expect her to have a bit of courtesy to AT LEAST inform me that they are dismantling my table.

SO where do I sit when I come in on thurs? Where can I put my stuff when they renovate the place? Her own girls are sitting comfortably elsewhere, does it mean I have to stay close to the dust and noise from the renovation? Or mingle like one of their staff out there without a proper table to call on my own?

Fucking Bitch.

I tell you, you are really fucked up. Your hubby didnt give you sometimes and your brain becomes screwed up because your bottom is screwed up. I will definately remember you, for your impoliteness, for the stupid things you done and the lack of responsibility as a higher-level management worker. And the way you handle things, I can always and anytime handle it better than you 200%. Always bully stuff, always treat your staff like your servants and slaves and they must listen to you and you dun listen to them. Bias Bitch. Dun be too happy, we see who has the last laugh. Cos obviously I am not the only one here who thinks you are a bitch. Even your own staff thinks you are a bitch. We see who falls in the end..... fucking bitch.

Sorry to be so crude here but all the pent-up frustrations from this place, added on by me feeling so alien here, added on to the coldness of the place (the aircon and the people here), is making me angry. Where did all the humanity go?

People may tell me that for her level, its not easy to do things. I understand company policies and stuff like tat. But at least, show some humanity when you do things, show benevolence when you do things. HR is about helping people, not forcing people to go into a corner. Always give people alternatives and really try to help them, not the other way round. Giving in a bit sometimes will not cause the company to go bust ok. Instead, people will be grateful to you and respect you. If you do good to people, they will remember your kindness, but if you drive them to a corner, they will also remember you. So which way you like people to remember you in? You choose lor.

Tagged on 5 things...

2008-03-20T09:31:00.003+08:00

I was tagged by Ms Lena Tan. Normally I dun play such silly games, but I am bored now. Haha, so I shall entertain you people a bit.

5 things found in your bag:
1. Wallet
2. Handphone
3. Sweets
4. Umbrella
5. Pen

5 things found on your pocket:
1. Handphone
2. Coins / Dollar notes
3. Used Tissue
4. Car keys
5. Rubbish like sweet wrappers

5 favourite things in your room:
1. My pillow
2. My bolster
3. Aircon
4. My Clothes
5. My toilet

5 things you have always wanted to do:
1. Be super rich
2. Be tai tai
3. Be someone that everyone love.
4. Visit the 7 wonders of the world.
5. Fly

5 things you’re currently into:
1. Blogging
2. Cooking
3. Housewife
4. Cable TV
5. Work & get paid

5 people you want to tag:
1. Kenji
2. Kerin
3. Dina
4. Rina
5. Vivian Tan

Flowers, Skies & me

2008-03-19T10:17:00.002+08:00

Tot that this morn was a sunny morning, but due to some issues, the "human skies" around me started to turn greyish, and I expect a storm to be brewing. I am seemingly caught in the middle again.

It rained abit already from the skies directly above me and the poor flower next to me got drenched. I was hiding under an umbrella so I didnt get wet. And now the poor flower's face is a little black due to the rain.

The sky above me is still greyish and the flower's face is black. And I am caught in between. HOW? I have no control over the weather you know, all i can try my best to do, is to be sunny and bright and hope that the sky above me will not be greyish or black because of me.

I am also a flower and I hope to grow into a tree someday. I realised that I have thorns on my stem too and I do poke people as well. There are some flowers around me that have thorns on their stem as well and they have poked me, and I also retaliate (actually not retaliate la, jus naturally) and I poked them back too.

A flower needs the soil, the sun, water and lots of love to grow.....

Defu Lane Crabs + Piggy leg

2008-03-18T10:17:00.003+08:00

Then on sunday, we went to choose our wedding photos. Took us almost 2 hours. But we were quite street-smart so we knew how to choose and wat to expect. Didnt manage to get "conned" to upgrade the package, except that there are a few pictures of junior that she took really well that the proud parents of Dino Junior cannot resist but to buy them separately.

Brought junior and coco to pet mart and then we went for early dinner as we were all soooooo hungry. Lena brought us to defu lane to eat crabs..... yummy. And you must try the things there with the stock (gravy). The vegetables cooked in stock is soooooo nice, the fried mee sua is nice too, the crabs were wonderful, i still prefer the crab in stock. The butter one I not used to it yet. Maybe must go eat a few more times then will get used to it..... hahahahahaahah.

The crab claw is gigantic lor...... slightly smaller than my hand, and bigger than a nokia phone.

After dinner, I decided to visit the chinese physician at Lor Ah Soo to "tui" my leg. Then doctor said very serious, so end up have to do acupuncture. Its my 1st time doing acupuncture lor. The 1st needle that went in (the one nearest to my ankle) gave me electric currents from the place I was poked all the way to my toes.

Then the 2nd needle at the back of my leg, I can feel the needle go rite into my flesh cos he really pushed the needle into my muscle or tendon or vein lor.

So I ended up like tat for 20mins.

After that cos it still hurt, he poked me another 2 times at different places. The 3rd and 4th needles were quick, but the 4th one nearly killed me cos he poke it rite into the tendon that was inflammed. I screamed lor.....

But after this treatment, my foot was really better. Yesterday I could walk normally lor. But today dunno is it because I drove, my foot started to hurt again...... sigh, must go say hi to the doctor and the needles again I presume.....

A home-cooked meal for the dinosaurs family

2008-03-18T10:04:00.003+08:00

Another post about food again. Haha. My blog seems to be turning into a "makan sutra" blog liao. Hahahhaha. No la, where can compare to seeto? He's so good lor, even organise food tours for tourists who wan to enjoy our local delights and he brings them to the places where really authentic food is served..... even at hawker centres....

1stly we shall talk on the chef Ah ber. Chef Ah Ber cooked a fully home-cooked meal for the dinosaurs family last week wed. No usage of "food for dummies" packages or recipes or instant stuff.

Just a simple, nice meal for the dinosaurs.

On the menu we have white steamed rice, stir fried vegetables with garlic, sausage, meat & crabmeat omelette & braised chicken wings.

I finally cooked a proper meal!!!! YEAH!!!!!

Food & Fun!!!

2008-03-11T09:54:00.002+08:00

2 days ago, I became a chef in my own home....

Menu - Pineapple Rice, Spaghetti with cream sauce, Kailan & chye Sim in Oyster Sauce, Nuggets, Hotdog Buns, Ice Cream & Fruits.

Show you the steps to make pineapple rice ok? Haha.....

And so far, only 1 casualty from sunday's cooking..... hahahahahahahahaa...... see his tummy!!!!

I seriously hope no one turned out like Jared...... He fainted cos the food was TOOOOOOO NICEEEEEEEEEE....

Then the children (including the furkids), went mad....

My family photos....

2008-03-11T09:26:00.008+08:00

Some long-due photos to share!!!

Let's start with my mum's and 2 aunties' birthday. My xiao ku's birthday is on 1st march, my mum's birthday on 2nd march, my da ku birthday on 5th march and my er ku birthday on 29th march..... so we celebrate the 1st 3 birthdays together cos very close together.....

The week before, we went to Hua Ting restaurant together with my cousins and my aunties and uncles. It was actually a surprise thingy for da ku but she dun look very surprised lor.....

And Wat I wan to mention here, is the Longevity Peach "shou tao". The thing is soooooooo small, maybe only 4-5cm long and 2-3cm wide only. And it costs $1.30 each ok...... The lunch was quite ex around 400 for 1 table...... we ate a mixture of western fusion and chinese fusion. And no time to take much photos cos i was busy snatching food.... i didnt even manage to eat some of the dishes you know!!!!

But I had to take a pic of the shou tao cos it was very cute. And as usual, not enough to go around, jus 1 piece for everyone. So I told the rest to pluck from the trees lor..... (if you see the pic you know wat I meant)....

Then some more family photos.....

Junior is really my clever baby boy. He knows I get irritated when Daddy takes too long on his PSP and dun pay attention to him so my darling boy likes to do this to distract daddy away from his PSP. Could it be that Junior wanted to play the PSP too????

Junior baby will climb all the way up to his daddy's chest (usually daddy always hugs a pillow) and sit there. He will even put his bum on daddy's face..... Most of the time he will attack daddy's nose in "eye contact"...... Dunno wat is eye contact? Next time you see Junior, you look at him and tell him "EYE CONTACT". He will give you the best facial in Singapore, some say JB and Batam.....

But sometimes, the facial is too good that Junior might get dognapped..... take for example, his Godma..... got 2 dogs already still need to dognap Junior to give her facial and everytime junior takes photo with Godma, he will give that "stupid" face..... my son really knows how to pose hor?

And does anyone knows why coco is always so white and nice and clean? I found the answer....

Her mummy does this to her...... eh, excuse me wat brand is your washing machine? I wan to get it too so that my clothes will be clean and white and nice too....

Then its MY TURN to zi-lian. I was bored at lunchtime in the office, so I started to zi-lian.....

Next post is about the successful Chef Ah Ber's cooking..... Stay tuned......

Chef Ah Ber

2008-03-07T13:33:00.004+08:00

I saw Ms Kerin mei's MSN nick about High expectations = High disappointments. I guess I fell into this category for the past 2 weeks. I hope I dun fall into the same category as Felicia where she is so uptight about everything.

And I realise that when I am feeling down, I turn to people who appreciate me. I guess that is normal rite. Hahaha.... I feel that I am being taken for granted and not appreciated and can be easily forgotten and when he likes it, then he will be nice, when he doesn't like it, he will show you his black face and show you attitude.

But I still love him and I have been with him for the past 804days which is equivalent to 2.3yrs. And he always has his ways to make me happy and make me forget about all that he has done to me to make me upset. So ultimately, I still love my son and I know he still loves me too.

Everyone needs a bit of spice in their lives now and then. I simply hope my life's not going to be stagnant again and I becoming complacent again. Although I am on a diet but chocolate became part of my staple diet cos it makes me happier. And I am in love with toblerone now.....

Therefore I decided to let the cooking bug bite me so that I am able to do something to prove that I am not a dummy. Menu for sunday - Pineapple Rice, Spaghetti (Main Course), Kailan with oyster sauce, Nuggets (side dishes), 3 flavoured Ice Cream (Dessert) & some soup which I have not tot about yet.

Guinea pigs invited will be my best friend Rina, my 3 godsons, Myshell (Michelle), Lena (authentic guinea pig + food critic), Jie Fu (Ahmad the driver), Coco & Brandy (my daughter-in-laws), not forgetting my ah gong son Junior and his daddy who requested for my spaghetti.

I hope you all dun need to wait till 6pm for lunch.... hahahahaha....

The Lone Ranger won

2008-03-06T16:55:00.003+08:00

Remember the story about the lone ranger, the guerillas and the defendents?

In the end, after 1 week of war, the lone ranger won. It turned out he was RAMBO. Everyday without fail he would shoot poison darts at me and in turn, I shoot the arrows up the ladder. And the guerillas went into hiding and refused any contact, so the defendents have to come to our own defence and we decided to let Rambo win this war.

I have a feeling that the arrows have not stopped coming and more are yet to come..... I'm just taking a step at a time.....