I am humiliated.....

Yesterday they dropped the bomb on me that I need to move out from my cosy, comfortable room with effect from today, 1st april 2008. And it was the HRM who walked into my room and spoke to me nicely at around 4pm. So I guess she was not cracking an early April Fools joke.

Luckily I had already half-packed the last round they dismantled my table. So I re-packed and this time I was doing it with a vengence, meaning I was really working hard at it. By 6pm, everything was packed. I am going to bring back most of my stuff to HQ cos its useless to keep so much stationery and stuff here cos I wun be here so often now and I am only left with a cubicle and a table, just like everyone else around me.

This morn I was assigned to a table outside and I am sitting together with all the other ground staff. I have a phone tat is unworkable but at least i still have my mobiles and lappy and I still have my dignity. So I should be happy that at least I still have a damn table and even a cubicle that is about 1/5 of my storeroom at home.

There are some curious stares at me when I moved out my pedestal and stuff. I must have looked like I was being chased out of my big, comfy room. Or in the movies, there should be security guards escorting me while I moved my stuff - hahahah I watched too much movies. But I jus calmly moved my stuff (on my pedestal) and sat down and re-arranged my stuff and got up to get a coffee and sat down to attend to my emails and work stuff.

Even till now people still stare at me when they walk pass. I give them 1 week to stare. When the week is up I will stare back at them. I shall be nice for this 1 week only.

Definately I feel humiliated and insulted that I am a HR advisor and they are treating me like I am like the other staff here. Ok. Never mind. My days here will jus get lesser and I need to re-focus to do other more important stuff than to sit here and pout and get angry and get upset.

Yesterday I had already prepped myself by telling myself thousands of times that I still have my integrity and dignity with me and that I was not "demoted" by any fault of mine. I am trying my best to be nonchalant and happy go lucky and Chin Chye and Bo chup and act cool. And I am sure the tons of M&Ms I popped into my mouth yesterday helped lots.

My boss is definately concerned about me and my wellbeing, but luckily I am Ah ber. If it were any other of the gals I think they will jus flip over and leave. I guess I am still quite strong and surviving. Dunno if it's because my skin is thicker? or issit too thin that I dun feel any skin anymore?

Never mind. Today I shall jus pretend I am one of the ground staff and learn from them. They look very hardworking and very busy. I need to bring my smartness out soon and work smart.

And I jus realised that my back is facing one of the bitches' room. Haha. She must be tasked to watch wat I am doing but all she'll ever see, will be my BUTT.

Seriously, my confidence has taken a hit cos I feel affected by this HRM's decision. But I also accept it cos I have no choice and also cos the guy who took over my room deserves my room cos he is the Deputy Manager on the floor. Wat am I? I am only the lowly piece of shit here. I was not treated like part of their own staff from the start and I of cos wun expect them to ever treat me like I was part of their family. Frankly I dun give a damn about it. Being part of their family is not wat I wan cos it sucks...

Ok, I take back wat I jus said cos there's this very nice ground staff who jus offered me a piece of fruit cake. But I declined cos I cannot take fruit cake, although I love it very much, i dun wish to break out in rashes after eating the fruit cake. He's a very nice philippino and he also helped me once when I had to push the big box of records to and from the storeroom.

This little piece of humanity warmed me up abit but still cant shake the feeling of being demoted, humiliated, insulted off me...... Why I cannot be arranged to have a desk inside their rooms or any of the rooms here? I am management / executive level you know!!!!!! Correct or not? Frustrated or not you tell me??????

Their own people here are moving into their own rooms and having their own place to call their own. But I am here with a table, a cubicle amongst everyone else. Throw away my title and give me a new title like them pls? At least I feel like one of them!!!! Its not that I dun like the other staff, but there are some people here who dun like my company cos they are pro their own company. And they dunno the facts so they think that the problems are started by my company....... So anytime I might just get stabbed in the back lor, now since I am so open and defenseless. I need to get a mirror so that I can see who's behind my back ready to stab me.......

That's it. I'm gonna spend my whole afternoon chewin on M&Ms.