PMS

"The higher your expectations, the more you get disappointed".

Humans are all the same. We all expect more even when we have the basics - we can never be contented. When we see other people having the same things, we still think that theirs is better. Comparing will never end and the greed compelling you to compare and want more, will only drive you crazy.

For the past 2 weeks, I am down with PMS + depression due to work. Feel that I simply do not want to wake up to go to work. Feel that simply not enough time to finish my work. Feel that I cannot breathe when I wake up.

I get depressed thinking its sunday because the next day I have to work. I get blue thinking that its friday cos monday is around the corner. I didnt know that recruitment has sooooooo much paperwork and data entry to be done. i also didnt know that I have to make sooooooo many calls and incur so much expenses in my enthusiasm to perform better.

I look at my house and the mess (not really a big mess) and I get stressed cos I simply am too depressed to do housework.

Then Rina came to visit me on friday. The thought of someone caring and bothering about me, made me feel better immediately. Sat came and went, and I managed to lift my depression a little and tidied the hall. Now I am proud of my hall.

I am also able to get outdoors and do some shopping today. And I bought a new jacket for myself that I tot was quite nice. And my depression diminished. I am in fact looking forward to face the challenges tomorrow at work and cross my fingers and hope that I get lucky and things go well. I hope no one sms me in the morning and tell me they are on MC or else my spider legs have to come out again.

You see. I am doing outsourcing and for outsourcing terms, there is a need to have someone there under contractual terms, so when someone is on MC, I HAVE to get a replacement within 2 hours if not I will get a penalty.

There are some people out there who are really irresponsible. They promise to turn up and yet they report sick. For those who report sick last min, they are already 50% responsible when they INFORM you. I have candidates who DO NOT TURN UP AT ALL. And there's no sms or call from them at all and after a few days, they claim to have misunderstood or fell TOO SICK to inform you.

Seriously I get really pissed off with these irresponsible people. They promised and they broke their promise. And I will seriously consider ever using them again. I do give 2nd chances. But when I keep giving them chances and giving them opportunities, I feel like a beggar when I keep asking them and reminding them to turn up.

So I decided not to ask anymore. I am no beggar. Things work 2 ways. I help you and you help me. If you are not going to help me, I am not going to ask you to do so. There are many people out there who can do the job besides you. At any time I can go into the job and stand in for you. Then why is there a need for you anymore?

These people need to learn to be responsible. They need to know that they have made a promise and they should fulfil it.

The past 2 weeks are a difficult time for me. I tried my best to be as routine as possible and try to focus on stuff but its difficult. At least certain things keep me going - my babies and my god daughter Deedee, godsons ToTo and Rusty. Seeing their innocent faces and loving licks makes me feel better at night, no matter wat challenges I face in the day.

Although i have been going over to their place to feed and clean them up all by myself almost everyday, all thanks to Alan boi and the gang who do try to clean up and bathe the furkids weekly / or at least once every 2 weeks.

And I decided to try to sleep by 11pm everyday cos I know my depression also stems from lack of sleep. Heehee. And I think my period's due today or within the next couple of days so I should be able to get off chocolate soon!!!!! YEAH.

Hope everything will get better tomorrow. Good nite.