Bad week & very bad weekend

The past week has been a roller coaster for me.

And this weekend is a nightmare for me.

I'm angry and pissed over somethings that I heard that I shouldn't have heard because it really upset me. All over a project that I have really worked hard at. I have heard nasty things and I feel really upset over these people's doings and the things they have said. May God punish these people for the things they have said and May God punish me for things that I might have said too.

I dunno who to talk to regarding these things. I tried telling people around me that I am really stressed at work. But no one understands. Everyone is asking me "Are you sure?" "Think Carefully." "Dun make a wrong decision". And 1 idiot was even telling me I was a job hopper. Do I fucking look like a job hopper to you? I'm in this bloody job for coming 8 months and I am NO job hopper idiot!!! Some people around me just kept quiet. Although I appreciate that you leave me to make my own decisions but at least show me some sympathy can or not? At least acknowledge that I AM TALKING TO YOU.

I am stressed cos I'm totally new to this industry and I dun have much knowledge and proper guidiance. I was almost on my own when I entered this industry, away from the office in some cold and far away place. Not all people have been kind to me, but of cos there are a few that are really nice to me. Of cos I survived cos I am a survivor. But doesn't mean I should stick to this place when I am so stressed and upset.

Yes I love the job but I dun like the work - Hahahahaha.

No one can offer me solutions because they are not capable of doing so.

i am thinking of throwing in the towel, but I have made some friends along the way and I would still like to work with them and be friends. And the stubborn taurus is finally coming out - I am going to try and try and try and try and never say die till the end. We'll see who has the last laugh - I bet I'll have it (cos if you win, I jus laugh at my own stupidness Hahahahaha).

You know when you are depressed, certain previous memories and certains roads you have travelled, certain people you have came across, will come into your mind. I realise that the mind is a very dangerous yet wonderful thing.

It can capture all the beautiful memories, the worst pains remembered when your heart broke - really wonderful. And when I am down and out, I remember these things, these times, these people. Goes to show how deep I either love or hate these things, these times, these people. So I told myself to keep the bad memories out so that I will not be depressed further. And I am indeed feeling better.

I guess I cannot control wat people say, do or think. As long as I control wat I do, say or think, I will be fine. Dont need to be too bothered by people who wan to hurt me. Cos there are many people waiting to love me. Junior is one of them who is now sitting down by my side and looking at me with lots of concern in his eyes. Daddy is sleeping but Junior doesn't wan to sleep cos he senses that mummy is not feeling too good. Where can I find another simple, innocent happiness like this? Where else can I find someone better than Junior who only knows how to love me and not hurt me or not love me? Junior always love me no matter wat. Same there as God. I know.

So God, please send me a miracle. Thank you.