Your Expectations of Your Partner

Your Expectations of Your Partner

Most of us have expectations of our partner in a romantic relationship.

Perhaps, you've grown up believing that lying to one's partner can never be justified. Or that a woman should always abide by her husband and is responsible for household chores. Maybe it's the belief that one should always give one's partner the priority in all arrangements. Or that if someone loves you, he or she should intuitively know your thoughts and feelings.

Society and upbringing can often instill in us misleading beliefs and values that limit our ability to develop healthy, meaningful relationships. We may subscribe to certain ideals that may not even exist in real life. We may expect our partner to miraculously grow into the person that he or she, in truth, will never be. We may linger in an abusive relationship, thinking that love means accepting our partner, no matter how violent or manipulative he or she is.

Whatever it is, expectations in relationships often lead to strife, frustration, disappointment, and sometimes, dissolution of the relationship. The termination of a relationship may not always be a negative thing; in fact, if two persons are at odds regarding expectations and mutual fulfillment, it may be better to end the relationship. But there are also many other couples who eventually choose to leave the relationship though they could've had a good chance of making it work. All because unrealistic expectations got in the way.

Think about your relationship. Is there a certain role you expect your partner to play? Is there an ideal you're hoping your partner will eventually become? Are you consistently disappointed when your partner falls short of your expectations?

Before we commit to a relationship, we have to understand that each person is an individual and comes with his or her own unique opinions, philosophies, values, quirks, and flaws. It's no different with your partner. If you go into the relationship based on what you think YOU will need from your partner, then you will very likely end up disillusioned.

A better way to assess a potential partner or to nurture an existing relationship is to commit to understanding the other person as well as you possibly can. What are her fears and insecurities? What are his opinions about money, friends of the opposite gender, children, or in-laws? What are her thoughts on honesty, charity, sexuality, or spirituality? What does he like or dislike about himself? What does she like or dislike about others?

Investing time in understanding the unique person your partner is and what he or she can or cannot fulfill is crucial to whether a relationship blossoms or dies a natural death. In the long run, it could save both you and the other person a lot of time and heartache.