I'm at a crossroad again...

I guess I am jus another ordinary human being who tries to be special, who tries to be the bestest person on earth, who tries to be THE ONLY ONE, who tries to be jus myself...... and I am jus not contented with myself.

Once again I have come to a crossroad where I am getting picky and getting iritated, getting fed-up with my job, my life and myself.

Actually being a swimming coach is quite ok. The money is good in good times, but bad in bad times. Especially when it is raining and monsoon season and holiday season and students take the whole 2 months off to go holiday and enjoy....... while I cannot do the same. I dun have annual leave, I dun have bonus, I dun have CPF, I dun have weekends off, I dun have weekday evenings off to sit down and have a proper dinner with the people I love, I miss out on most of the evening shows that my friends are watching, and most importantly, I dun have MCs, maternity leaave and I dun have money if I dun turn up for the lesson.

Almost half of my time is spent travelling north, south, east, west of singapore for the lessons while another half is spent in the cold water, under the hot sun. 1/3 of my monthly income goes to my car, another 1/3 is spent on my license fees, swimming stuff and the last 1/3 is normally spent on food, drinks and medication cos I get flu, fever, coughs and aches more often now.

I dun have colleagues to cover my duties when I am not available and I am practically working alone. The feeling is good cos no one bosses you around, but I get very lonely cos I dun have any colleagues to gossip with, or have tea-time with. In the day I am very very free, and I have lots of waiting time inbetween my lessons cos I am unable to slot in other lessons and I cannot really enjoy myself if I go out grocery shopping or window shopping or running errands cos I am always looking at my watch and timing myself to go to class on time.

I also have to crack my brains to arrange my schedule and slot in my students and plan ahead and psycho my students to change timing to fit my schedule. Very complicated. Very taxing on my brain. Suddenly I feel so lousy, like I have no aim in life. Last time why I am so sure of my life but now I keep hesitating..... die la..... how la like tat....

So if I say my timing is flexible, it is actually not very flexible. The only flexible thing is that I have some free time in the day and I can do my stuff or arrange my things but I spend most of my time slacking or looking at my watch or waiting for lessson time.

And that is how I came to my crossroad now.

I have a few alternatives. I could find a full time job and have a stable flow of income, CPF, MCs, Annual Leave, Maternity Leave and enjoy my weekends and be a normal white collared worker but at the same time, give up my freedom (actually I dun really have much freedom as well), my good money in good times and some of the students who really look up to me.

I could also start a small business selling umbrellas since its the raining season now and since I cannot swim due to the rain, I should also start to earn money due to the rain too rite?

Jus had a talk with Junior. He hinted that anything is fine for him as long as I have the money to feed him and his wife and their future babies and myself.

Also had a talk with Kenji. His concerns are the same lor. But at least he didnt force me to make a decision whether to stay or go. He jus gave me some advice.

So now should I need to sell Tortilla? NO, cos he's my wings and no one can clip my wings except myself. I would never sell junior unless he starts eating like AH DAI. Maybe I should sell kenji away..... anyone wan to bid for Kenji Lim????

And my Sony Ericsson P990i got itself a bidder that closed the auction within today..... cool rite? I love yahoo auctions.... tmr see whether can meet up with him and close the deal....