Thank you for making me realise

Coming 30th November 2007, he had a goal. He wanted to propose to me. But that goal will never make it, because I crushed everything. He sent an email out to his friends and band of brothers and colleagues thanking them for their support and explaining himself. But he didnt explain to me.

To you people out there, its making you feel guilt-free and making him look like he's a saint cos he's explaining himself and he's the victim of a foil-up disaster done by ME.

To me, he is more concerned about wat people think about him than wat I feel or think, because if he was more concerned about me, I should get an email 1st.

Maybe your argument was that I was fuming mad so I wouldn't listen to anything. BUT, I didnt block him on MSN, I didnt cancel him from friendster, I didnt delete myself from multiply, I didnt stop him from contacting me via MSN, email, mobile phone 9008XXXX or 9070XXXX, or house phone 6284XXXX. Wat does that tell you? That I am that same bitch who demands everything and I am that devil who is over-reacting and making him miserable now.....? Or am I jus a hopeful gal who got disappointed over and over again?

In fact I checked my emails @ yahoo and Outlook express everyday diligently..... a few times each hour and hundreds of times each day..... and in the end I received news that he sent an email to everyone except me....

I only needed a hug. I only needed you to tell me that you love me. I only needed the simple truth. I am only a simple gal. I need love and care and love and concern jus like every single gal out there. I purposely reserve my sunday afternoons for you, only to wait in vain for you to ask me out. I have my little gal dreams and I still dream. Why cant my dreams jus come true?

Do I come across as a demanding gal? Am I really unreasonable and always wan to have the last say? Why cant anyone put themselves in my shoes and think for me?

Wat happened to the beginnings? Wat happened to the passion? Wat happened to the things you promised? The promise that you would spend more time with me, the promise you will bring me and my son out? The promise that our love will be the envy for all and our love is a song that we will sing forever? So you believed that giving me a status and reached your goal, you do not need to focus on the process. I will not be at the finishing line, because along the way, you lost me.....

You lost me because you stopped loving, because you stopped feeling for me, because you stopped thinking about me, because you forgot about me, because you didnt pay enough attention to me, because you didnt have enough time with me to understand me...... You didnt know me at all.

Everything jus felt so different. So different in the way you are handling this issue this time. So different in your principles and values. So different from the one filled with integrity and honesty that I first knew.... You didnt put up a fight in your explanations. You jus explained and left. You didnt tell me wat to expect at the end. You jus left it to me. If I decided we should part, I am the devil because you did explain and I didnt listen. If I decided we should continue, everyone will see that you are the saint cos I finally realised that I was wrong.... You did not tell me if you still love me, you did not tell me wat am I to you. You did not assure me of anything. You jus left me to my decision.

And all these realizations made my tears finally roll off my face. That I am worthless, at least to you.