Ah ber is feeling down

I think the current working people have lots of stress. Besides being stressed by work, they get stressed when they do not have enought time with their loved ones, they neglect the kids due to work, they work and yet do not earn enough.

To me, work life kills all joy. It killed my joy in having evenings when I see the sun set. Everyday before the sun rises here I wake up to darkness. While on my way to work, it slowly rises to light the day. I can see the skies from my window just beside me in the office, but how often do I actually look at the sky?

I leave the office often without the chance to see the sun setting. I leave the office in darkness as the sun has long gone down and the creepy night comes along. It seemed that I married my job rather than Kenji.

Juggling work is not easy. But after work I need to do housework, I need to wash the clothes, I need to sweep and mop the floor and wash the toilets and kitchen and other things. I need to tend to the kids too - clean them, feed them.

Then I can have some time with the TV watching shows for about 1 hour before I cave in to exhaustion at 12plus everyday. The whole cycle repeats itself everyday from mon to fri and I am lack of sleep, I am starting to feel the stress and I am frustrated with my life.

Besides this, I have sooooooo many bills to pay that I am on the verge of screaming. Wat in the hell am I working so hard for? To pay bills?

From a simple life, I have to re-focus on being sales-driven and fight hard for my commission. I have to find the energy that was used to be in me years back. I wonder where it went.

I sat down today and went thru all my unhappiness. And I realised a few things - could be I am not contented and wanted more and that is why I am unhappy. Could be I am not feeling appreciated, feeling taken for granted for by lots of people including JUNIOR and TERROR. I love my kids, I love my hubby, I love my friends, I love my family.

I think I just needed simple things like a smile, a hug to cheer me up. I also need retail therapy. I need time alone to touch base with myself. I refuse to think that age is catching up with me and I needed change. I am still me, maybe slightly older, but still useful and workable and the old me is still here. I think i just needed to take things easy as certain things are not easy to change as it is.

M&M here I come. Coke here I come.

I think I need a list of my favourites and whenever I feel down I will pull out the list and pick my choice. Heehee.....