Dreams

I tot my sore throat jus went away and now its back again. The cough's been there though.... I was talking to someone on MSN and the topic went to death...... I know its taboo to talk about death.

She said that she felt like she was going to die soon and she was preparing for her stuff and issues after death. She wanted pink for her funeral. I was comparing her death to mine. I told her I might be going before her. I wonder if this can be considered a will? Haha....

If I should die before Junior, I would like Junior to be given to someone who loves dogs like Lena or Hersheys..... Never give Junior to Rina cos she will cry everyday cos she said junior looks like me..... Never give Junior to Kenji cos he dunno how to take care of junior. Never give Junior to my family cos they dun love him as much as I do.

I know I have a long life ahead of me. Cos I am not a very good person and the good die young, so I still have many years to go to SUFFER HERE ON EARTH. So I guess I should live to the day when I suffer from old people's problems like arthritis, aching back.....etc

I used to have a dream..... where this someone that I used to love so much, was dying. I was crying as I ran to the hospital and looked for all the doctors and nurses - in fact I grabbed anyone that wore a white coat and begged them to save this someone. In the end this someone died and I went to the funeral. I have never ever dared to touch dead bodies, but I touched this someone's face, I held this someone very tightly...... I guess love could really change things....

PS: I believe I am ready to commit. Commit to myself. Time to grow up and stop being stupid. Dreams are always dreams. Only reality counts. But in my dreams with you, I wish I would never wake up. But its ok. Reality is still the thing I need and want. If I am still harbouring any dreams, pls slap me or kick my butt (mum I know you will do jus tat) to wake me up. Love you mum, Love you Kenji, Love you Junior, Love myself Ber.... :)