PISSED OFF

Yesterday Ah ber was a little pissed off. I was playing mahjong happily. I asked junior's daddy (which happens to be kenji lim) to bring him downstairs to pee and shit, and his daddy didnt do it.

A few minutes later, Junior peed on Pat's curtains......

And I was screaming at kenji to go clean up the mess and he was taking his own sweet time. In the end I was really pissed off, I whacked junior and I felt my heart crying when I whacked him cos it wasn't fully his fault.

It was all my fault cos I expected that someone else would resume the position of care giver of junior when I was busy. Suddenly this tot came into my mind. Was it because Junior is jus a dog? Will the same things happen if I have a REAL SON? Suddenly I am not so sure anymore. Not so sure of myself if I am able to handle everything on my own.

Then it dawned on me that I shouldnt expect too much. Cos I should have done my duty as junior's mummy and not expect anyone else to do so, especially when responsibility and committment are involved. Cos no one can take over my responsibilites and committment to Junior cos I am his mummy.

So I had to tell junior that I cannot have bambi for him anymore Because I dun have support for both of them. Kenji is rite. I cannot handle another dog. Not because I am not capable, but its tough for a single mum to commit to 2 dogs. And since I am the only one committed and responsible for junior, I have to stay committed and responsible to him. I cannot expect others to take up my responsiblity.

And since I cannot focus on junior when I am out enjoying myself, I shall not bring junior to places where I am enjoying myself so that I can enjoy myself fully and be committed to myself. Sorry junior. You better go live with your nanny cos even the children there are committed to playing with you, bringing you downstairs and are responsible for you. You will only suffer if you stay with mummy.

So I had to write the previous post on expectations to remind myself that I shouldn't expect too much or hope to much. Because Guys jus DUN GET IT. And I shouldnt expect that anyone be responsible for junior, even if its his Godma, or nanny or even HIS DADDY. So its all my fault. And I am now VERY PISSED, with myself.