Fishmonger - SeLL FiSH

This afternoon I received a SMS from someone that jolted me out of my sleepy afternoon mood. Soneone who wanted to kill herself. I wanted to write something philosophical and was thinking about it on the way home in the train.

Then later in the night I saw another SMS with more cuts.

10 years back I had a friend who did that to herself. She cut herself, fine lines on her wrist - she bled on her wrist, I bled in my heart. The plaster on her cuts never seem to cover the wounds in my heart. She cried over someone that was breaking her heart, I cried over the cuts that I saw.

I dun understand till this day why would people wan to commit suicide, or rather, mutilate themselves. I read articles that say internally they hurt so much that they cut themselves up so that they focus on the hurt externally and internally they wun hurt so much. Wat rubbish. If really internally you hurt so much that you cannot live anymore then go and die.

How many people suffering from pain from cancer, from sickness, from poverty, from diseases unimaginable that they really wished to die because they cannot take the pain anymore. That is why God invented Euthanasia - Mercy Killing by injection of lethal drugs that make you die. You can even choose the day the date the time you wan to die, and in the comfort of your own surroundings surrounded by the people you love and the people who love you. Its a dignified way of dying.

I dun think it looks dignified the way you cut yourself or do things to your body just because of a broken heart, or just because you feel like it, or just because everyone else is doing it. You are responsible for your own body and watever you do, you yourself have to answer to your body.

If someone choose to drink till their liver hardens, or smoke till their lungs turn black - let them do it, cos its their body. But of cos it becomes my business when the smoke is affecting and killing me too. And if the person's drinking and smoking and killing themselves result in being a burden to me, then they are being selfish because they simply think its their body and their life - of cos if they die, its good. But if they dun die or die halfway (stroke or paralysed or coma etc), who becomes their caregiver? Isn't it selfish of the people who do things thinking it wun affect other people but in actual fact they do!!!

And I am a very transparent person. So I expect transparency in return from the people around me. Its ok if people around me, my friends and family refuse to tell me things or keep things from me or lie or hide the truth from me. As long as I am kept in the dark, as long as I do not find out, as long as I do not know - its ok to me. But once I find out, I will get mad.

If anyone of you decided you have lived enough or do not wan to continue with your lives, please take your neccessary actions - make sure you get it done properly so that I will not be bugged with suicides SMS anymore. BUT before you action, think about it. Think about the family and friends that you love and who love you. You are here on earth for a purpose. You are not here just to DIE - you will definately burn in hell if you do that. And if you choose burning in hell, if you choose slicing yourself, if you choose killing and mutilating the BODY that your parents gave you, if you dun treasure the body that you bath everyday, touch everyday, see everyday, then it is your choice.

I think people who give themselves cuts on themselves are cowards cos they cannot face reality. They are confused and not sure what they want. They want attention. I wun give attention to people who slice themselves anymore because it is stupidity. You cut yourself for attention? Are you a piece of ART? Wat do you gain from doing all tat?

I can empathise if you are feeling down, if you are depressed, if you cry - all these are venting outlets for your emotions. But I can not understand destroying your body as a venting outlet for your emotions.

Maybe I do not understand. Maybe I was not in your shoes. Maybe I have never been there before. Maybe I have not walked the treacherous roads that you have walked. Maybe I am more blessed. Maybe You have your point, your own views, your own thinking, your own way of doing things. Maybe cos I am not YOU. Maybe you should make me understand - CUT ME UP THEN. *faintz*

Whatever you wan to do, go ahead. since you are so selfish to only think about yourself and not bother the feelings of people who care about you, then I shall be selfish and not care too. Why should I get stressed up and worry and wonder for you, ponder for you, get upset for you, get angry? I am just going to be a fishmonger - "SeLL FiSH"

PS: I am not encouraging people to commit suicide. Doing that is BAD. I will never push someone down when they are going to jump off a building, I will never push the razor harder on the wrist to cut the artery totally. Its your life - treasure it so that you can continue further. Its your choice for a better or miserable life.